Finally...Sleeping Dogs
Title: Sleeping Dogs
Author: Ace_Enigma (Listed elsewhere as Razgriz_Ace)
Rating & Warnings: PG maybe a bit PG-13 if you count innuendo
Prompt(s): Pyjamas
Format & Word Count: Fic, 6,979 words
Summary: It’s Boxing day and Tonks finds herself up to no good with Padfoot and Moony. Really though, Fred and George really should have realized who their Wizard Wheezes were being tested on.
Author’s Notes: Hints of Christmas, but not necessarily a Christmas fic. Also, I’m 22 years old and I still have problems with the proper use of a comma. I apologize. :-)
Part One: In which they solemnly swear...
"No, get away from me with those! I mean it, Remus! You'll make it worse," Sirius growled.
This was not the first thing Tonks expected to hear when she walked into Grimmauld place.
"Well you set the bloody thing on fire. It's defensive now," Remus snapped back.
Tonks moved her way to the kitchen, with what she found to be uncharacteristic and surprising stealth. As she successfully avoided her nemesis the troll stand, she found herself growing sufficiently intrigued.
"Are you telling me this thing has a mind of its own?!" Sirius sounded scared now.
"No. Well... I suppose I'm not quite sure. Gah! Where's that blasted cream?"
Tonks entered the kitchen and stopped short, not quite ready for the sight that met her. Standing before her frazzled, half naked and covered in bright blue patches was one Remus Lupin. He was carrying a large pair of scissors and rubbing a thick paste on his neck, which he seemed to be the cause for the color change to his arms, face, a good portion of his chest, and several spots on his pyjama bottoms. Sitting at the kitchen table behind him was Sirius, who looked rather frightened, and was sporting a thick, ten meter mustache.
The two men froze and slowly, almost painfully, turned their heads to look at her. Horror spread throughout their features as the realization hit that they had been found in this state. Tonks did the only thing she thought appropriate and erupted in peals of laughter.
"What in the name of Helga Hufflepuff happened to you two?" she spluttered. She inhaled deeply and loudly, trying not to suffocate from her giggles. Sirius scowled. Remus flushed suddenly, dropped the scissors on the table, and grabbed his tweed jacket off one of the chairs. He threw it on and buttoned it, despite the fact that he was wearing blue paste instead of a shirt.
"Not what. Who," Sirius seethed, remaining rigid in his seat. Tonks figured he was trying to keep the mustache from growing any longer.
"We believe the blame for our current predicament falls on the Weasley twins," Remus explained.
"As if this damned house wasn't booby trapped enough," Sirius grumbled. "You'd think with Arthur in the hospital-"
"I had a nose the size of a cucumber yesterday, from a box of tissues upstairs," Remus interrupted in order to explain. "And day before that Sirius had the tiniest of butterflies coming out of his ear for three hours, compliments of a couple of enchanted q-tips. No doubt the latest batch of Wizard Wheezes prototypes."
"And the mustache and the war paint?" Tonks asked, her amusement battling her disappointment that she had missed so much.
"As Ginny explained it, Sirius made the mistake of eating what we now know to be a mustache muffin," Remus smirked.
"They were on one of Molly's blasted plates! How the bloody hell was I supposed to know?!"
"And you?" Tonks addressed Remus, holding back laughter again.
"It seems my bath soap was replaced with the brand new Ignatius Itching bar. It's time released so you don't start itching until some hours after your shower and it worsens from there. The blue cream is an anti-itch potion Poppy sent over. Bless her."
"You're cured then?" Tonks pressed.
"More or less. You just have to wait for this kind of magic to wear off. The cream is helping though," he contradicted himself as he started scratching his back.
"I'm not waiting for this sodding mustache to go away!" Sirius complained.
"Well you won't let me cut it off, and our attempts to remove it magically just set it on fire and made it grow another few meters. From where I'm standing Sirius you'll have to wait this one out," Remus said irritated.
"Cutting it should work though," Tonks blurted. The men looked at her.
For some inexplicable reason Tonks felt a bit shy as Remus cast an inquisitory glace her way.
"Well, think about it. Fred and George are making these mostly for the students. How would school kids try to remove this? Magically. I saw something like this at work over the summer. A pair of obliviators had to alter the memories of a couple of muggles who saw on-sight healers cut a young wizard out of the facial hair that filled his flat. The thing had kept growing, because the prat didn't get that it wouldn't magic off."
The men just eyed her curiously. "It filled his apartment?" Sirius asked, failing at not sounding panicked.
"Yeah well he didn't stop to think did he?" She enjoyed the look on his face a little too much. "That bloke sounded like he deserved it though. Apparently, he'd been rather nasty to an ex of his. Then he got a delivery of mysterious pastries and ate them without question. Not particularly bright if you ask me."
Remus considered this for a moment. "Do you remember his name?"
Tonks shook her head, "Nah, it was just one of those stories that spread around the office y'know. Revenge in the form of a giant mustache is pretty blasted hilarious any way you slice it."
"We need to work on slicing THIS!" Sirius shouted, pointing wildly to his mustache.
They looked at him, and then promptly ignored him.
"Although, come to think of it," Tonks began, glancing back at Remus, "I think I remember Kingsly saying the girl was one of your lot." Remus stiffened, and Tonks realized how that would have sounded to him. "I-I mean she was a Gryffindor!" she stammered and threw her hands out as if to physically stop his thought from going any further. "A girl. Of Gryfinndor House." She dropped her hands and continued to splutter out everything she could remember about the incident in one long breath. "The bloke ate the only evidence but everyone was sure it was the girl, I think King said her name was Angelina something but yeah the healers used plainnonmagicscissors!"
She finally stopped and sucked in a breath. She was a little annoyed by the smirk playing on the corners of Remus' mouth. She didn't even want to look at Sirius because she could feel the laughter he was holding in reverberating in the air.
Tonks watched as Remus seemed to silently consider her for a moment, then swiftly grabbed the scissors and leapt across the table. Before Sirius could protest, the mustache was snipped off in two quick clips. Sirius let out a string of obscenities as he pushed Remus away. They waited for a moment and as imagined, the mustache did not grow back.
"Angelina Johnson is who I think you're thinking of," Remus said, giving a little wink. "And if I recall she was rather close with Fred and George."
The wink squeezed at something inside her, but she recovered long enough to beam at him. "A well thought out deduction Remus."
"Why thank you, Nymphadora."
"Quite welcome," she all but giggled, and then added, "And don't call me Nymphadora."
Sirius watched the exchange and grumbled to himself. Tonks thought she heard something sounding suspiciously like, "Get a room."
Before an awkward moment could set in, Tonks steered things in a new direction. "How about I put some tea on while you lads finish straightening yourselves out, eh?"
"Sounds like a good idea," agreed Remus. He still looked rather annoyed at the situation, but since her arrival Tonks could see the humor in his eyes. She smiled and turned to the stove.
Around a half hour later everything seemed to be more or less back to order. Sirius was looking, if possible, a bit scruffier than normal, and Remus had washed the blue paste from his neck and face, though the goop seemed to have temporarily stained his neck a little. He was wearing a clean-if rather threadbare-jumper, and somehow the image of him without it was stuck in Tonks' mind. Before what she had just seen, she could barely recall getting a glimpse of Remus' forearms. The man was so self-conscious of his scars he failed to notice that he was really quite fit. She cut the thought off at the knees. He was her coworker for Merlin’s sake and those thoughts were far from professional.
"So Fred and George Weasley: geniuses? Or menaces to society?" she asked, in order to force another thought into her mind. She set their cups down on the table.
"I'm not sure how much I constitute society, but I would have to cast my vote for the latter," Remus said. Tonks opened her mouth to scold him for this self-disparaging remark, but he continued after a sip of tea, "By the way, thank you for bringing a touch of sanity to this afternoon." He gave her a broad smile and she felt her heart do a little flip as the reprimand died in her throat. Bloody hell. All this time around teenagers was starting to get to her.
"M'pleasure," she responded, "Though we're worse off than we thought if I'm the sane one around here."
Remus laughed. His eyes crinkled pleasantly and his teeth glinted. For all his brooding and self hatred, the man had a wonderful grin. Isn’t that what Dumbledore told her would eventually be the end of Voldemort. The things that Voldemort himself was not capable of: friendship, happiness, and.... Merlin's soggy trousers. A few more of those hopelessly soppy thoughts and Celestina Warbeck was going to owl to asking lyrical advice.
She met his eye again and saw the corners of her own mouth turn up once more.
Then again, there had never been a song about forbidden werewolf love on the wireless charts-
"Yes, well now that's over, we can begin plotting some proper revenge," Sirius interrupted her thoughts once more, clapping his hands together.
"Well everyone will be visiting the hospital for most of the day," Tonks nodded, "I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to come up with something good. And if you need any help..." she pointed to herself. She normally wouldn't encourage him, but it was only Boxing Day and he was already starting to sulk about the kids heading back to school.
"We appreciate the offer Tonks, but Sirius and I will not be seeking to harm couple of teenagers," Remus reproached, looking at Sirius.
"Oh yes we will!" Sirius exclaimed. "Lest you forget Marauder rule number two, Invigorate. Dominate. Retaliate."
"Sirius," Remus put his hand to his temple, as if he could already feel the headache coming on. "Don't you think we've gotten a little too old for such juvenile retaliation?"
Sirius looked thoroughly scandalized. "Too old? Us? Remus, this has nothing to do with age. This is about defending our title!"
"You make this sound like a sporting event!"
"This is far more important than any quiditch cup mate! Our Trouble Makers' crown is in serious jeopardy, being snatched from our very hands while our guard is down!" Sirius gestured dramatically attempting to demonstrate the snatching taking place. Remus just frowned at him. Sirius matched his look and went on, "For the love of Merlin, Remus what happened to your inner Marauder?" He pushed back his chair a little and folded his arms.
"He's exactly where he should be…on the inside," Remus said dryly, refusing to look at his friend. He traced the edge of his tea cup with his finger. "Those games we used to play are well in the past. I believe, as the oddly appropriate phrase goes, we should let sleeping dogs lie."
Tonks knew Remus was being too serious for his own good. She considered a gentle way to tell him this, but she only had a second to ponder the idea before Sirius started his own rebuttal. He stomped his foot on the ground loudly and then put his hand up to his ear.
"Did you hear that, Tonks?" Sirius said keeping his cupped hand behind his ear.
"You stamping your foot?"
Sirius did not move his hand and seemed to be straining to hear something. He had a concentrated look on his face as he stared at the ceiling. Then he shook his head and refolded his arms. "No. That was the sound of James Potter," he paused and gave Remus a pointed look, "rolling in his grave."
Tonks was a little taken aback by the lack of tact being displayed, even for Sirius. But Remus didn't seem phased by the outburst. Instead he gazed at Sirius with a completely unreadable expression.
"You promised," Sirius added. His voice was gentler than it had been.
What was promised, to whom, and when, remained a mystery to Tonks, but the words seemed to strike Remus. He sighed, with more sadness than frustration, and looked down at his cup again.
"We all did," he nodded.
"So how 'bout it?" Sirius said. He gave a ridiculously impish smile as he stood up, stretched his arm out over the table and held his palm out to Remus.
A surprised but genuine smile spread through Remus' features. He shook his head as he stood, as if unable to believe what he was about to do, before rotating his palm out and clapping Sirius' hand. The two then started a series of hand slaps and finger wiggles that were so intricate, Tonks wasn't sure if it was just very well rehearsed or if they'd actually charmed themselves to do it. The handshake ended with the men hooking their right pinkies.
"We solemnly swear," started Sirius.
"We are up to no good," Lupin finished. By the end both men were laughing heartily. Tonks stared on, not completely sure what she had just witnessed, but wishing for the first time since she met them that she could have known them as younger men.
Sirius and Lupin reseated themselves.
"I honestly can't believe we can still do that," Remus said, still laughing a little, "What were we 15, when James demanded we institute that? We were too old for it then!" He leaned back and sipped his tea.
Tonks looked at them a little amazed. The change was abrupt but undeniable. The men sitting next to her suddenly seemed years younger, less burdened, than the one's who had been with her moments before.
"It used to drive McGonagall mad. Said it made her dizzy to watch," Sirius reminisced. For his part, he looked more relaxed. It was as if it was the first time he believed a Dementor wouldn’t floo into his kitchen and suck out his soul.
"Lily wasn't too fond of it either if I recall. Not after you and James broke that lamp attempting to show Harry." Remus was sitting a little higher in his seat, and gone was the slightly defeated slump that usually took up residence in his shoulders.
"James repaired it just fine. I think she was angrier we were attempting to corrupt a newborn.”
Tonks just sat quietly, taking in the scene. Sirius leaned in to them. "So Tonks is on board too. You think we can have a decent trap set by the time everyone is home at five?" Sirius asked.
Remus glanced at his watch, and then gave Sirius an appalled look. "Six hours? My dear Mister Padfoot, I daresay we could never be that out of practice."
Part II: In which they are up to no good...
"So I'm confused," Tonks stated as she stood on a chair to nail and string fishing line onto the ceiling, "Why can't we use magic for this?"
Sirius had declared this plan a marauder masterpiece. Simple yet ambitious.
Remus shook his head, "Marauder rule number three: know your target. If it were anyone other than the Weasley twins, straight magic would probably work, but in this case I think we need to put some pop in the potion. Literally. Besides, it won't be completely devoid of magic, but we have to work around it at a few points. They'll be too vigilant to fall for solely magic pranks."
"How do you know?" Tonks asked.
"Because fifteen years ago, Sirius and I never would have fallen for half the things we have this week. Those who create mischief must always be prepared to be on the receiving end. That's Marauder rule number five," he chuckled.
"Bunch of paranoid blokes you must have been back then. I'm surprised you don't get along with Mad Eye better. Constant vigilance!" she said the last two words in such a spot on impression of her mentor’s voice that Remus did a double take. Tonks shrugged as she tied off the fishing line, "Precise vocal control. Part of the whole shape-shifty thing."
"Impressive," he nodded.
"Pass me the hammer."
Remus handed it to her.
"Can you do me?" his eyes bugged out of his head as the words left his mouth. Tonks' almost dropped the hammer in her hand. "That is - I mean...are there other voices you can...others that you can copy?"
Tonks morphed away the blush as she felt the heat creep up her neck. She shrugged again, trying to be nonchalant, but a chain of images had gone off in her head. At the forefront was the mental picture she'd snapped of him in his pyjama bottoms earlier.
"It's easy. I have pretty good pitch." She needed to move the conversation somewhere safe again. Lighthearted had been working for them so far. She quirked an eyebrow. "You and Sirius keep mentioning Marauder rules. Isn’t that sort of self defeating. Rules for breaking the rules? Exactly how many did you blokes come up with while you were at school?"
There was a playful glint in the professor’s eye and she was once again forced to stuff away a feeling rising in her. She was swooning. Forget Warbeck, Fifi LaFolle could make us better use of what Tonks had in mind.
She didn't bother to brush the thought away this time. Too often people, who managed to see past the werewolf, couldn't see past the boring teacher. She knew better. He was whip smart, a great story teller, had a wonderful sense of humor, and was a damn good wand to have at your back in a fight. He was charming and fun Gryffindor through and through. Indeed, try to deny it as he might, Mister Moony was still very much alive in him. Sod it all! Why shouldn't she fancy him?
She was very pleased with the conclusion she had just drawn, and she was thus ill prepared when Remus leaned over to answer her question.
"I'd tell you," he whispered conspiratorially, his voice was low and playful. She felt the heat rise in her neck. Then he leaned back to loudly proclaim, "But then I'd have to feed you to the giant squid. Marauder rule number six!"
She snorted with laughter, and went to turn toward him. She moved too soon, however, bumping into him and slipping off of the chair. Right into his arms.
Their noses touched very briefly and their eyes met. They just stood there starring for a few seconds, before Remus pulled back abruptly, a red hue taking over his ears. Tonks didn't know if she was fast enough to get rid of her own blush this time.
He cleared his throat and she saw him stand a little straighter. "You ok?" he asked.
Tonks tried to get a hold of herself. "Never better. Helps to have a spotter."
"Here we go. Yanked 'em right off the tree," Sirius interrupted, entering with a large tub of pine needles.
It was then that she realized that Remus still had his hands on her waist. They pulled even farther away from each other. Remus put a hand to the back of his neck in a half-hearted attempt to look casual. Why did she always manage to find new ways to embarrass herself in front of him?
Sirius looked between her and Remus appraisingly. Remus had busied himself replacing the chair by the table, but his ears were still scarlet. Black’s face lit up with realization and he let out a pleasant bark of laughter. He nodded his head toward Lupin’s back and wiggled his eyebrows at Tonks. She did the mature thing and stuck her tongue out at him. For the reaction that pulled from Sirius, she might as well have drawn little hearts around Remus with her wand. Sirius bounced up and down slightly, like a little boy waiting outside Honeydukes, and his gave her a broad toothy grin. She didn’t like the look in his eye.
"I think we're almost ready," Remus said as he checked his watch. He seemed careful not to make eye contact with the other two.
"The pie should be almost done," Sirius said. He’d settled, but was still looking at Tonks with nothing but pure amusement. She tried to get close enough to kick him. A slight ping from the area of the stove confirmed his statement.
Saved by the bell.
Remus slipped to the other side of the room to take it out of the oven. He placed it on the kitchen table and they all gathered around to admire their handiwork. Tonks leaned in and sniffed it, glad for the distraction.
"You were right, the Rhubarb just hides the smell of the powder," she confirmed. She moved to the rubbish bin sitting on the table and carefully levitated it into the corner, careful not to slosh out any of the contents in it.
"A recipe Lily perfected actually. Prongs and I never new what hit us," Sirius said. He flicked at the fishing line checking to make sure it was taught. He fastened it to the lid of the bin Tonks set down.
"It was her first solo prank if I'm not mistaken. You and James were belching loudly through most of that second order meeting," Remus chuckled. "I think he proposed to her the next day."
"It was two days later," Sirius corrected, "Remember, we spent the next day plying him with fire whiskey and helping him build up the courage to do it."
Remus nodded, a little sadly this time. "As if she would have ever said no," he managed a half smile. He was clearly struggling to allow the happiness of the memories to outweigh how much he missed his friends.
Sirius too seemed to be descending into his previously morose state. Tonks panicked knowing that she had mere moments to pull them out of it before it was too late.
"You two should draft a letter to Zonko's. They could advertise that on the packaging," she said. She spread her hands in an action to indicate a marquee. "Belch Powder: Responsible for the conception of the savior of the wizarding world!"
To her relief, they both laughed.
"Somehow, I don't think Harry would appreciate that," Remus said.
"Especially since we haven't actually told him that story yet," Sirius grinned. "We'll save that one until he's back at school. Send him a letter. He'll need a good laugh once he's back with that cow Umbridge."
"Indeed," Remus agreed. He glanced at Tonks and nodded appreciatively. The look told her he'd understood what she'd just done. She winked back, and to her astonishment she saw that his ears had pinked again.
Could it be possible that her feelings weren't actually one sided? She played back the day and a few of their other recent encounters. Maybe she had mistaken his discomfort around her. Just as he was doing now, he always brushed away their awkward moments, but now she was thinking maybe it wasn’t for her sake.
"Everyone will be back soon. Let's finish up," Sirius rubbed his hands together looking pleasantly dastardly. He began to put a disillusionment charm on the bucket holding the pine needles and put it in its place.
Remus studied their set up for a few moments. "You know Padfoot, as it stands now this is a lovely prank. It is not however a true marauding."
Sirius looked to have caught on, "You want to?"
Remus nodded.
Sirius' grin ran into his ears now. "You diabolical old werewolf. I knew you were in there somewhere Mr. Moony."
"Guilty."
"Hello," Tonks interrupted their banter waving her hands at them, "Care to translate for someone who doesn't speak Marauder?"
"It's all to do with who gets blamed for the mischief," Remus explained, "When the plan was hatched it was a prank, but if it so happened that our victims were also blamed for the trouble as well..."
"It was a marauding," Sirius concluded. "I take it you have a plan Moony?"
"Yes, what exactly did you have in mind?" Tonks underlined.
"That my dear Nymphadora is where you come in."
His gaze met hers and she completely forgot to remind him of her surname.
Part III: In which the Mischief is managed...
About another hour had passed as they finished their trap and configured Remus' grand finale. Tonks had to admit it was going to be a blast looking on as the Weasley boys got a taste of their own medicine. Perhaps she had even been a little too eager to play her part. She watched as Sirius made a few more minor adjustments to their set up and pull back extremely pleased with himself. He threw a look her way and once again her suspicion flared.
"I think this is some fine marauder craftsmanship," he announced.
"No too bad for fourteen years of rust," Remus agreed.
"We need a good vantage point," Sirius suggested. "I want a front seat to this action."
“We could disillusion ourselves?” Tonks suggested.
Sirius shook his head, “We shouldn’t risk being out in the open. Even invisible.”
Remus walked over to the broom cupboard.
"I wonder if we could fit in here," he said. Tonks followed to investigate with him. He opened the door and frowned.
"No. This won't - bah!"
"Wha!"
Remus didn't finish his sentence as Sirius shoved him into the closet, a surprised Tonks being thrown in behind him.
They were tangled together in the dark. Sirius' barking laughter resounded in the tiny room and the bolt on the door clicked into place.
"This is a fine mess," Tonks said.
Sirius announced that he would make sure Fred and George got to the kitchen first and bounded out of the kitchen laughing like a madman. The fact that both she and Remus had left their wands resting on the kitchen counter meant that they were stuck until Sirius saw fit to let them out. At least they had a good view of the kitchen.
They shifted the best they could to be comfortable. In his attempt to be gentlemanly and put a few inches between them, Remus ended up hunched over. His back was against the wall and his head leaned over her shoulder. He had apologized, as if their situation was his fault, and she was distressed that in the darkness all she was able to picture were those damned pyjama bottoms.
"Remind me to give your cousin a good thunk on the skull when we get out of here," Remus said. His breath was on her neck, and under different circumstances she would have been enjoying herself immensely.
"Don't worry," she muttered. "You'll remember because you'll be in line behind me.” What the hell was he playing at sticking her with Remus like this? Did he actually want her to die from humiliation? “Y’know it’s not too late to collect the reward on him.” Her fury made the idea rather appealing.
"Crosses my mind everyday," Remus responded. "I think we'd end up missing him though."
"I'd count my galleons until the feeling passed."
She could feel the rumble of his chest as he chuckled, this closet was suddenly feeling much warmer. "I certainly wouldn't mind a new flat. Then again, Dumbledore would probably make us feel guilty," he reasoned.
"You’re right," she nodded, though her positioning meant her head bumped into his shoulder. "We'd only end up having to break him out of Azkaban again."
"Though in a week the dementors would probably be ready to just give him back to us. It's been a long standing theory of mine that they willingly let him go the first time so they didn't have to listen to another fifty years of muggle pub songs."
She let out an unlady like snort as they heard the front door open.
"Shh," Remus whispered. "It's show time."
They couldn’t quite make out what was being said in the entry hall, but they pressed their eyes into the cracks in the door's paneling. Remus was quite close. If she turned her head ever so slightly- Fred and George bounded into the kitchen.
"Pie!" George pointed out without hesitation.
"Fantastic," Fred agreed. "Quick, before we end up sharing." The boys sat down and summoned a couple of plates and forks.
"So far so good," Remus whispered in her ear. Despite the heat she was feeling she shivered slightly
George sliced into the pie. “Rhubarb. Brilliant."
Suddenly Fred grabbed his arm, "Wait!"
"S'matter?"
Fred leaned over and sniffed the pie. "Dear brother, don't you find it rather strange that after a day out we come back to find our favorite pie lying freshly baked and unattended?"
George blinked in realization. "Mum was with us all day."
"Which means that either Sirius or our resident professor baked this beauty," Fred deduced. He pulled a tiny bit of the crust off and put it on his tongue. He immediately burped.
"Belch powder!" George said scandalized. "This pie is tainted!"
Fred waved his wand checking for any other spells in the kitchen. "No hover charms.”
George mimicked him. “No latent engorgement charms.”
“No sticking spells either. Or transfigurations.”
"So it's just the pie?" George asked.
Fred nodded. "How evil."
"Downright diabolical," George countered.
“Truly sinful.”
“A wicked plot if there ever was.”
"Amateurs!" They both concluded.
They stood up and moved to the trash bin. Tonks again felt the rumble of Remus' body as he bit back his premature laughter.
"Sorry Sirius," George called, "but you'll need to do much better than that!"
Fred stepped flipped open the lid of the rubbish bin and quickly pitched the pie in. Several things then happened in quick succession.
The belch powder in the pie completed the reaction of the cold potion in the bin. This caused a neon red sludge to shoot out and coat everything in the kitchen.
At the same time, the garbage can lid yanked on the invisible buckets and shifted it from its net of disillusioned fishing line. It began dumping bright green pine needles over the boys. The needles clung to the rubbery sludge causing the pair to look like a couple of prickly Christmas monsters.
The looks on their faces was utterly priceless. They stood in stunned silence as the last of the sludge emptied onto the room. They were snapped from their shock as the finishing touch fluttered into the room. Pigwidgeon landed on a small part of the counter not covered in slime, holding a bright red envelope in his talons.
"Adding insult to injury!" Fred snatched the Howler from the bird. “Traitor,” he muttered to the bird as it hooted away.
"Get it over with," George said, trying in vain to wipe the sludge off of him.
Fred tore open the envelope and his face fell at the sound. Rather than the shouting gloats of Sirius or Remus, his own voice called out, "MUM! MUM! QUICK! COME LOOK AT WHAT WE'VE DONE!"
Instantly, Fred and George's faces fell. Their shock and frustration replaced with utter terror. They pointed their wands, trying to quickly vanish the substance coating the kitchen but only succeeding in making the puddles of goo deeper.
The howler envelope exploded into streaks of silent fireworks which formed "Brought to you by Messrs Padfoot and Moony" before vanishing into the air.
"No way," George breathed.
"Sirius and Professor Lupin?" Fred gasped.
"Padfoot and Moony?!" They gaped in unison.
The question was left to hang in the air as a very disgruntled Molly Weasley burst into the kitchen.
Tonks had to bite her knuckle to keep from laughing as the boys spluttered out a half-hearted explanation of what happened. They seemed to know full well Molly wouldn't believe them. A good ten minutes later, when her shouting was over, they shuffled off to find Kreacher and floor cleaner. It was then that a shiningly happy Sirius came to get them out of the cupboard. They all slinked into the safety of the living room.
Remus and Tonks were so pleased things had gone according to plan that they actually did forgot about clobbering Sirius.
Part IV: In which Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot present…
The three separated for the evening to avoid suspicion from Molly. Tonks suspected everyone else had an idea what had gone on though. Ginny had given her a high-five for no apparent reason. Harry smirked whenever he passed any of them. Ron didn’t beat Remus quite as badly at chess, and Hermione wore the slightly amused yet slightly reproachful look that she usually reserved for Ron and Harry.
Tonks enjoyed her victory over a cup of cocoa in the study. She picked through some ludicrously old books until Remus knocked on the door frame several hours later.
"Sirius is requesting a meeting in the kitchen," he said.
She slipped her book back on to the shelf. "Another war council?" she asked with a stretch and a yawn.
Remus shook his head, "The twins just rang out their last mop and headed off to bed with the others. Sirius wants to celebrate, and for once I quite agree with him."
Who was she to argue with that? She followed him out into the parlor, but he stopped short.
"Close your eyes," he instructed.
"Pardon?"
"Close your eyes," he repeated. "It's - erm- a bit of a surprise."
"Should I be concerned? Not sure how crazy I am about a surprise from you lot."
"It's safe," he said, then held up his right hand. "Marauder's honor."
She rolled her eyes but did as she was instructed.
She felt a slight breeze as Remus waved his hand in front of her face to make sure she wasn't looking. She gulped in a breath of air as he took her hand to guide her into the kitchen.
Sooner or later the two of them were going to need to discuss whatever was going on between them. Sooner or later she wasn’t going to be able to handle turning into a puddle of mush around him. Sooner or later Sirius was going to harass her about it. Sooner or later.
"This is important business," Remus informed her. A sly hint in his voice suggested otherwise. "Ok sit," he told her, guiding her to a chair.
"Open 'em," she heard Sirius say.
She was met with by the sight of bed sheet that had been charmed into a makeshift banner blinking "Congratulations" in different colors.
Sirius was in a well pressed scarlet smoking jacket and had folded an old copy of the Daily Prophet into a rather interesting hat, which he wore proudly. She watched as he wrestled Remus into another hat and then produced a third one. He stood importantly in front of her and cleared his throat.
"After today's success, it has been decided that you, Auror Nymphadora Tonks have achieved the highest level of prankdom,” he spoke as if addressing an entire audience instead of just she and Remus. “To mark this occasion, but mostly to make sure you can't get sick of us and bugger off, it is our pleasure to award you with an honorary Maraudership," he said. He held the funny paper hat above her head with both hands. He moved to place it on her head, "I dub thee Tonks..." he paused leaving the hat centimeters above her.”I hope you understand this is a great award," he interrupted himself. "There's only ever been one honorary Marauder before."
"And she had to marry into it," Remus chimed in.
Sirius went to continue the crowning, and stopped again. "We are very exclusive," he elaborated, "You are the first non-Gryffindor inductee."
"Yes, with a convict and a werewolf as the only members, you can see how bad Hufflepuff looks on your resume," Remus deadpanned.
Sirius elbowed him in the ribs, "Oi! I'm trying to conduct a ceremony here."
Remus rubbed his side, "Right then. Carry on."
"Very well. Tonks, do you accept this honor being bestowed upon you and promise to uphold the oath of being up to no good?"
Tonks feigned being choked up and fanned herself dramatically with a cloth napkin. "It's a dream come true."
"I'll take that as a yes," Sirius nodded in approval, "by the power invested in me, by...well...me, I dub thee Nymphadora Tonks, a Maraudette." He placed the paper hat on her head with a flourish and prompted Remus to clap with him.
Sirius then promised to begin marauder ‘handshake’ training in the morning and slipped her a piece of paper to read.
Messrs Moony and Padfoot remind you…
#1 Stand by your fellow marauder no matter what.
#2 Invigorate. Dominate. Retaliate.
#3 Know your target.
#4 Never prank a professor without at least two weeks preparation.
#5 Those who create mischief must always be prepared to be on the receiving end.
#6 Anyone made privy to these rules without consent of all current marauder's must be fed to the giant squid.
It wasn’t until sometime later, as they sat around the table, enjoying each other’s company and still adorned with their silly hats, that Tonks realized that these two men had become her best friends.
She contemplated this as Remus excused himself to put a kettle on. Sirius turned to her.
“Don’t worry your pink pixie head cousin,” he whispered. “Ol’ Moony will see what’s in front of him if I have to hold him there and shake him. Personally, I don’t think I’ll even have to try that hard.”
Epiphany or not, Tonks was not ready to have this discussion. ‘Sooner or later’ definitely meant later in her book. “I haven’t the foggiest what you’re talking about Sirius.” Maybe Celestina needed a good song about denial.
“I’m sure you don’t,” he scoffed. “But remember, I get to be godfather to the first born.”
“You Sirius Black are an insufferable dung-beetle,” she huffed.
Remus heard the last statement as he sat back down. “Well, that sounds familiar,” he sniggered.
“What does?”
“That was Lily’s basic description of Sirius for quite some time growing up. James was an arrogant toe rag, and Sirius was an insufferable dung-beetle.”
“What were you?”
“The poor innocent bookworm they corrupted with their degenerate ways.”
“I’ll show you degenerate,” Sirius chimed in throwing up a rude gesture.
Remus ignored him as usual. "Lily and James would have loved you,” he said to Tonks.
"Too true," Sirius agreed, looking quite genuine as he said it. "No doubt it would have taken you and Lily about thirty seconds to become sisters in arms. Remus, couldn't you have just imagined the two of them giggling and plotting in a corner?"
"We would have been in serious trouble," Remus said.
"Well, I'm always in Sirius trouble."
Remus groaned loudly.
"Oh come on. You set that one up with a neon blinking gateway around it. Honestly, what did you expect me to do?"
The two of them once more descended into playful bickering. Tonks didn't pay much attention though. She tried to delicately process everything. The comments were made in passing, but she was overwhelmed with the thought that Remus and Sirius had shared this part of themselves with her. She wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but there was little doubt in her mind that these two were now the most important people in her life.
There had always seemed to be a degree of mythology to their friendship with Lily and James that seemed impossible to measure up to. For that reason alone, her honorary maraudership already meant more to her than she could have expressed to them. The complications between her and Remus not withstanding the three of them had managed to find something special in a terrifying time.
Moony, Padfoot, and Tonks. She thought it had a nice ring to it. She took the rules out of her pocket and glimpsed at number one again.
Stand by your fellow Marauder no matter what.
Staring at it, it finally dawned on her what Sirius and Remus may have promised all those years ago.
She looked back at her arguing friends accepting that it was the only rule a true marauder would never break.
end