(no subject)
Title: All That’s Required
Author: godricgal
Rating and Warnings: PG
Prompts: Lunascope, Room of Requirement, A Day Spent Apart, Angst
Word Count: 4863
Summary: All the years he’d spent as a slave to the moon, he’d never wished more that one could just pass him by than he did this one.
Author’s Notes: This is a bit of an experiment for me, I hope that it’s enjoyable all the same. Very many thanks to mrstater for days of tireless encouragement and a fantastic beta job.
All That’s Required
In the five years they’d been together, Remus had never been able to be close to Tonks without touching her. He loved to run his fingers through her hair, wrap his arms around her, or simply hold her hand. Three years of marriage hadn’t dulled the pleasure he gained from touching her and for the last seven months, since they’d discovered she was pregnant, he could not resist the constant urge to run his hand over her expanding tummy.
He’d marvelled as each day she grew slightly larger, stared at his hand on her skin with fascinated awe as he felt the baby moving beneath it. And now, as the final days of her pregnancy approached; propped up on pillows, he lay on his side next to her with his hand simply resting on the taught skin of her tummy. His other arm around her shoulders as the warmth of the late afternoon sun streamed though the windows. Her head rested high on his chest, her face turned into his neck slightly as she lay on her back. Her arm closest to him had snaked under his and her palm lay flat on his thigh.
“Do you have everything you need packed?” he asked softly.
“Mmm,” Tonks murmured, “I think I do. Not that it matters much, the Room of Requirement will provide, after all.”
Remus lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then brought it down to cup her face, pushing her head back gently so he could place a single kiss on her lips. His thumb scuffed her cheek as they regarded each other intently.
“It won’t happen to night, Remus." Her dark eyes became pleading as she added, "It can’t.”
Tonight was a full moon. Tonks could go into labour at any moment. It was the one thing that had terrified Remus throughout her pregnancy, the thought of her going though labour without him. He wanted to be there so she could hold his hand and squeeze as hard as she needed to. He wanted to be there to rub her back and whisper encouragement. He wanted to be there to share with her that joyous moment when they would be presented with the little miracle they’d created.
Remus didn’t know what to say. She was seeking a comfort that he could not give, but to give reassurance seemed like making an empty promise, one he couldn’t keep. And he was much in need of comfort himself.
So he simply pressed his lips to her forehead and tightened the grip of his arm around her shoulder and whispered, “I love you.”
Tonks brought her hand to his, which was now resting back on her tummy. “I love you, too,” she whispered back, her fingers tightening around his.
They fell silent, but Remus had never felt so close to her. Throughout the last seven months, he’d felt them growing ever closer, their little world becoming ever more enclosed, even as she grew to accommodate their baby. They’d been on a path of discovery together, they’d made something together and it was mind-blowing, really. Within days, their family, their world would contain a new centre. Or really, Remus thought, the baby would be their new focus, but the love that supported their lives would remain its building blocks.
Remus felt Tonks squirming slightly in his arms, and she huffed slightly in discomfort. It was a signal he’d become more than familiar with over the last few months. “You need a hand up?” he asked.
“Please.”
Remus sat up and slipped his hand behind her back to gently push her into a sitting position, and then stood to give her support as she got to her feet. He watched as she waddled slowly towards the bathroom, then sat back on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
All the years he’d spent as a slave to the moon, he’d never wished more that one could just pass him by than he did this one.
Months ago, Ginny had suggested their current plan: Remus would spend this ninth month moon at his old haunt, the Shrieking Shack, while Tonks rested in the Room of Requirement which could better equip itself for a possible childbirth than the Hogwarts hospital wing, and held the distinct advantage of privacy. If she went into labour, Remus would be near enough to join her as soon as the moon set.
Ginny had suggested the Room of Requirement because it could literally provide for all needs, even as they might change during the course of the delivery. Remus knew, though, that there was one requirement it would not be able to fulfil. Every wife deserved, needed to have her husband by her side as she gave birth.
A sharp cry from the bathroom pierced Remus' thoughts. He jumped from the bed and flew towards the bathroom, hoping with all his heart that this was just another amongst the three other false alarms they’d had.
He found Tonks sitting on the closed toilet seat, her hands pressed to her tummy, breathing heavily. She looked at him with fear filled eyes. “It’s got to be another false alarm, Remus, hasn’t it?” she said as he walked over to her. He knelt down beside her, resting back on his ankles and took her hands in his.
Remus’ heart was pounding but he knew he had to remain calm. If tonight was going to be the night, the one thing he could do for her was to stay strong for her, as long as he could remain with her.
“It might well be,” he answered, giving her hand a squeeze. “Just in case, why don’t we take that Portkey a little early, I can help you settle in.”
“Okay,” Tonks answered quietly, looking down at their hands. She took a few deep breaths, before lifting her head to meet his eyes.
****************************************
The Portkey delivered them directly into the Hogwarts hospital wing, where they found Poppy Pomfrey, peering into the potions cabinet, a clipboard in hand. She spun when she heard their entrance and cried, “Gracious, Remus, Tonks! You’re a little earlier than I’d expected. Everything’s all right, I hope.”
“Hello Poppy,” said Remus, taking Tonks hand and squeezing it reassuringly, “Tonks had a contraction about half an hour ago, we thought we better come and get settled a little earlier than we’d planned. I hope you don’t mind.”
Immediately all business, Poppy, with pursed lips, looked Tonks up and down. “How long did the contraction last?”
“Not long,” Tonks replied. “Maybe five seconds?” She looked up at Remus, askance. He nodded agreement.
“And nothing since?” Poppy asked.
Tonks shook her head.
“Right then,” Poppy said, “I’ve already been in and had a look around, go up and get yourself settled and I’ll be along shortly.”
“Thanks, Poppy,” said Remus, turning to lead Tonks out of the hospital wing.
“And put your nightie on,” she called as the door swung shut behind them.
They made their way through the hallways, which, thanks to the summer holiday, were completely empty. Their progress was swifter than Remus had anticipated, with Tonks in her current state, and before he knew it, they were outside the Room of Requirement
The door opened to them and they stepped inside.
Tonks took a step forward, apparently eager to explore the items the enchanted room had seen fit to provide them, but as Remus closed the door behind them, he asked, “Do you want to put your nightie on first, in case Poppy doesn’t give us much time?” He strode towards the bed and plopped her bag down on the table next to it.
“Well," Tonks replied, moving toward him, "first, I want you to give me a kiss, and then yes, that’s probably a good idea.”
Remus turned and smiled at her. Though obviously tired and anxious, she was beautiful. Her eyes had always sparkled, like no others he’d ever encountered, but the prospect of motherhood had intensified them somehow, she seemed to glow from within, a happy radiance. He held her face in both his hands. “Whatever happens tonight, Nymphadora, we’re going to have a lifetime of happiness with our baby.”
“I know,” Tonks mumbled against his lips just before he kissed her. He moved his lips slowly and lovingly over hers, he slid his hands into her hair as he deepened the kiss.
Just as all rational thought had left Remus’ mind, Tonks pulled back suddenly with a sharp “Oh!” She leant on Remus for support as she took a few gasping breaths, bending over slightly, her face scrunched up in pain. Remus moved to help her to the bed, but she grasped his sleeve to stop him, so he simply rubbed her back soothingly and whispered comforting words in her ear until the contraction passed. It seemed to Remus that it lasted a little longer than the first, a thought that concerned him slightly.
A minute or so later, she’d caught her breath, and stood up straighter. “I’d better get my nightie on, before Poppy gets here.”
Remus kissed her forehead and led her to the bed, where he helped her up and began to fish around in her bag for the bright pink nightshirt she’d chosen more than two months ago especially for the occasion.
“Arms up,” he said, turning back to her. She obliged, and he lifted her tee-shirt up over her head and arms before folding it neatly and laying it on top of the bag.
“In a day or so, you’ll be dressing the baby and I’ll be all on my own,” Tonks commented, as she reached around to unclasp her bra. She pulled it off and carelessly threw it over the shirt that Remus had so carefully folded and then raised her arms again as Remus shook out the night shirt.
“I’m sure I will be able to squeeze in a moment or two to help you on with your clothes, I’ve got used to it over the last couple of months, I think I’d miss it.” Remus replied as he pulled shirt down over her head, then smoothed her mussed hair back into place. “I’m sure that it wouldn’t take me half as long as it will to get the baby into one of those tiny little suits. I still can’t believe how small they are.”
“I know. But I have to say that in this position, I’m rather glad that they aren’t any bigger.” Tonks stood, and pushed down her trousers, allowing Remus to take them down to her ankles and she stepped out of them, leaning on his shoulder to steady herself.
“Into bed with you then,” Remus said, gently patting her on the hip.
“I want to look around first,” she protested. But at that moment there was a sharp knock on the door and Poppy walked in without waiting for an answer.
“Any more contractions?” she asked without preamble as she bustled around the room, collecting various objects.
“Yes,” replied Tonks, easing herself into bed as Remus held back the covers for her, “one more, lasted a little longer than the last one.”
Poppy nodded, then, apparently satisfied that she’d collected everything she needed, set them on the table and walked to the foot of the bed, “Right, let’s have a look, shall we.”
Remus held Tonks' hand, and they both waited quietly as Poppy examined Tonks in silence. Tonks squirmed restlessly, eyes darting from Remus to Poppy, and Remus got the impression that Tonks, like himself, was a little frustrated by the lack of information
“Everything seems to be coming along,” Poppy finally declared. “When will you be leaving, Remus?” she asked, moving towards the door.
“Uh,” Remus fished around for his pocket watch, but stopped when, to his surprise, a Lunascope appeared on the table beside him. He studied it for a moment and turned back to Poppy. “In about twenty minutes.”
He was still a bit shocked that no more information was going to be offered. He was about to enquire, when Tonks beat him to it.
“Poppy, can you tell us a bit more?” Tonks asked, her voice laden with anxiety, “I mean is it going to happen tonight?”
One hand on the open door, Poppy turned back. “Everything is fine, dear, don’t you worry about it. I’m afraid the baby will come when it’s ready, at this stage I really couldn’t tell you.” And then she turned and left the room, the door clicking firmly in place behind her.
Remus looked down at Tonks to see her biting her lip, a vulnerable expression on her face. He sat beside her on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through her hair. “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, love, but please don’t get yourself worked up about it. Not now.”
“I know you’re right, but you know, all these months we’ve talked about this possibility, I never expected it to happen." She drew a shallow breath, then said in a small voice, "I just want everything to be perfect.”
A tear squeezed out the corner of her eye, then rolled down her cheek, Remus wiped it away with his thumb, then slid onto the bed beside her and draped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him.
There was nothing he could say. He couldn’t make it better, because there was simply no way to mitigate not experiencing the birth of their first child together. So he held her, stroked her hair and pressed kisses to her forehead and rubbed circles on her tummy. They lay in silence for fifteen minutes. Often, Remus' gaze fell to the Lunascope, watching the steady progress of the moon against the horizon, he noted Tonks doing the same thing, with almost as much frequency. But despite the upset, despite what both of them were about to face, he felt very calm, peaceful.
“I have to go now, love,” he whispered into her hair. He felt her arm tighten around him, and he responded in kind, lifting his hand to tilt her chin up for a kiss.
When they parted, she whispered, “I’m scared, Remus.”
“I know," he replied. "It’s only natural. Whatever happens, you’re going to be fine, you’re the strongest person I know.” Remus sat up, and slipped off the bed. He turned and placed a kiss on her tummy and a final kiss on her lips, and took her hand giving it a squeeze, using his other hand to move the Lunascope so that she would be able to see it more easily. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, backing away from the bed, knowing that the longer he lingered, the harder it would be to leave. She held onto his hand until he was too far away and it slipped from her grip.
At the door, Remus paused and said, “I love you, both of you.”
“I love you too,” she replied, in almost a whisper.
And with that, he reached for the door handle and slipped out the room.
****************************************
When Remus reached the Shrieking Shack, he instantly set about making a final check of all the security wards. That task complete, he slipped off his clothes and folded them neatly, before stowing them away safely in a cupboard along with his wand. All the while, he couldn’t erase the image of Tonks pale face as she’d clung to his hand as long as possible. Letting go and leaving her had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.
While he greatly admired Poppy Pomfrey for the natural talent she possessed for healing, he was concerned about her ability to alleviate some of Tonks’ fears. Having witnessed the ease with which she’d dismissed Tonks’ need --, and indeed his own -- to be together during the birth, he had to admit that he thought the Healer's brusque and matter-of-fact bedside manner was not what Tonks needed.
Remus fingers and toes pricked with the pull of the moon. He glanced out the window to see the moon slipping up the horizon. He’d spent too much time thinking and not enough time doing, and made an instant decision.
The dusty old floorboards rough on his bare feet, Remus dashed to the cupboard in which he’d stored his belongings, he tore open the door and rifled desperately for his wand. The second his seeking hands found purchase, he thrust his wand in the air, and conjured his Patronus. He hesitated slightly on how to word his request, but then shook himself; now wasn’t the time for debating etiquette. He spoke the words and sealed the message.
In the next instant his wand clattered to the ground and he fell to his hands and knees as the last slither of the moon separated from the horizon, its power ripping through his body. Face contorted in pain and body rigid, he watched the silvery bird soar gracefully through the window.
****************************************
His transformation complete, Remus stood panting as the ghosts of pain left his body. He felt helpless, utterly helpless, In a way that he’d rarely felt before. Something was happening; one of the most important events in his life -- in his and Tonks’ life -- and he couldn’t be there. He wanted to scream in frustration, but he couldn’t; it would be released as a howl, a wolfish instinct he never gave into. So instead, he paced, marking out the tracks of time with the dull pat of his pads on the wooden floor.
Over the course of his relationship with Tonks, his condition had become almost a normality, just an irritation that kept them apart for one night each month. It was never the pain of transformation that affected Remus' perception of his condition; he’d accepted that long ago. What bothered him - and it had been Tonks who’d made him realise - was his own prejudice against his kind, reflected back on himself.
Their first stab at a relationship, the year the Order of the Phoenix reconvened, had been a dream. He'd barely had a moment to think clearly for wondering over the beautiful, amazing woman who’d quite literally stumbled into his world. It had been a year of intoxicating kisses, nighttimes swathed in blankets and passion, ending with a hard landing to reality when his mission to the wolves had cut a sharp path through dreams straight back to his old prejudice.
And it had intensified. Witnessing first hand the despicable practices of his kind, their bitterness and hatred, he'd startled with revulsion at their behaviour. But as he'd tried to convince them of other ways, his loathing had hardened into self-hatred as he considered that this was what he would have become by nature had he not been sent to school.
Grief had set him straight. The keen strike of pain he’d felt when the news of Dumbledore’s death had been delivered to him set him on the path to peace. He’d refused her once again, yes, but it was habit by then, a measure to protect himself, to distance himself from what he knew he’d find in her eyes: welcome, love and belief.
An hour of solitude after all the commotion had receded had allowed him to realise that not a single one of the creatures he’d spent a year calling fellows could possibly be capable of feeling the pain that he felt for the death of his mentor; they took help and guidance and felt no gratitude. Remus took and Remus gave. He loved and could be loved.
He’d needed time, of course, to adjust his reasoning, to fully accept everything that a full life with another person had to offer. But his condition slowly became a less defining factor of his life. Her love and vivacity took so much space at centre stage that it couldn’t help but be pushed to the edge.
Even now, as he paced back and forth across the old oak floor of the Shrieking Shack, bathed in moonlight, it wasn’t his condition that he cursed.
It was timing.
The image of Tonks' small, frightened face was burned in his minds eye. She was never one for helplessness, but this was a new, unknown experience, and fear for their baby contributed to her vulnerable state to no minor extent. He wanted to hold her hand, stroke her face as she laboured to bear their child; encourage her, reassure her, begin to play his role as father. That was nature. Human nature; to protect his wife and child and he could not deny it.
How she was doing? Were the contractions lasting longer? Coming closer together? He desperately wished he’d asked to be kept informed; though if he had news, it would only feed his frustration. Was Tonks alone? Did she have someone to hold her hand? She had almost been in tears when he’d left, he’d had the sense that she was holding back for his sake.
His thoughts were interrupted by a glowing light; he recognised it instantly as Molly’s whale Patronus. He watched as it floated towards him, tail and fins bobbing, then opened its yawning mouth to speak the words of its message.
“Tonks is doing well. Her labour’s moving on slowly, but she's comfortable enough for now. She says to tell you that she loves you and to get some sleep, because regardless of what happens while you’re away, you will need your energy tomorrow. I will look after her until you return.”
Remus breathed a deep sigh of relief. Molly had come. Tonks wasn’t alone. She was doing okay.
And thinking of him.
Sleep. He needed to sleep. Tonks was right. All this pacing wasn’t going to do either of them any good. He had to be at his best tomorrow; whether he made it back in time or not, he should be in as good a physical condition as he could be.
He was going to be a father.
He padded to the dusty bed in the corner, and leapt to lie upon it. As he rested his head on his paws, he tried to clear his thoughts of the present, and instead allowed himself to think of the most defining moments of the last nine months.
He remembered their joy when the Healer had told them yes, she was pregnant, finally after almost a year of trying. He remembered how each day she’d stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom trying to decide if she’d grown since the previous day, and her delight the day her jeans had not buttoned over her tummy, and she'd Flooed to the Burrow so Molly could let out all her robes. He remembered how each and every day of watching their tiny little miracle grow bigger and stronger -- the baby sometimes felt like it was playing Beater inside Tonks-- had drawn them closer.
Finally, with the moon high in the sky, he drifted off.
****************************************
To describe what she'd felt when Molly had swept into the Room of Requirement as incredible relief would have been an understatement. Tonks liked Poppy, but the Healer's less than informative updates on her progress and professional detachment were more than a little frustrating. Molly was experienced enough in these matters that surely she could let Tonks know what to expect. And Molly would be able to make small talk, help the time pass more quickly, and most importantly, understand how much of a wrench it was that Remus was not here.
Molly bustled about, making tea and tucking Tonks more tightly into bed. Tonks’ gaze constantly drifted to the Lunascope, thankful that she could watch the moon’s progress in this windowless room and she wouldn’t be constantly asking Molly for the time and having to work out the calculations in her head.
Contractions came and went at long intervals, and in the meantime Tonks walked around the room to ease her tensed muscles and work out some of the restless energy that was building inside her. Molly rubbed her back in slow soothing circles, and spoke reassuringly when questioned.
By five am, the contractions had started to come more frequently and Tonks was constantly checking the Lunascope, pleading silently to the baby to please wait for Daddy.
She need not have worried; an hour later, panting, with beads of perspiration on her brow, she watched with relief as the moon disappeared into the box. Remus was in his own body once more. He would be here in time.
The next contraction over took her, and she squeezed Molly’s hand but did not allow her eyes to close; they were trained steadfastly on the door.
As the last waves of pain washed through her, the door flew open and Remus was there. His eyes found hers immediately, he was still straightening his shirt, his hair was in desperate need of a comb, but a huge grin spread across his face, and she knew that it was mirrored on hers.
****************************************
Remus crossed the room and took his place at her side, taking her hand and placing a kiss on her forehead. “You made it,” she whispered.
“I did,” he replied, squeezing her hand. “How has it been so far?”
“Not too bad, so far. Molly’s been fantastic. I’m tired though.” Suddenly, her expression changed and she frowned at him in concern. “How are you? I’m not the only one who’s had a rough night.”
“I’m fine, love. Don’t you worry about me,” he glanced up at Molly briefly, smiling broadly, and then shifted his gaze back to Tonks. “Apparently the prospect of seeing your child for the first time is a miracle post-transformation cure.”
“Well don’t expect me to give birth every month, will you?” Tonks said dryly.
Over the next two hours, Remus found himself fulfilling all the duties he’d prepared to do over the last seven months, and he brimmed with pride all the while. He was proud of Tonks, of her strength and endurance for their baby and for him; and he was proud to find himself in this situation, at the brink of fatherhood.
In the final moments, he bent his head very close to hers, held her hand tightly and whispered encouragement as tears streamed down her face. It hurt desperately to see her in such pain, but soon it would all be over and they would be parents, and that thought carried him through. The sound of the baby’s cry was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. He took Tonks’ face and kissed it as she gasped for breath and then together the watched as Poppy placed the tiny, red faced baby on the new mother's chest.
“A little girl,” she pronounced.
Remus was stunned, his mouth fell open slightly, and a powerful emotion rose in his chest. A little girl. He had a daughter…They had a daughter, and she was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen. He marvelled at her tiny little fingers, with perfect little fingernails, her head was covered in soft downy hair, her perfect little nose; she was beautiful.
Tonks looked at her, speechless and reached to touch one of her tiny hands. “Oh Remus,” she breathed, looking up at him in joyous wonder.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch the baby’s cheek. “Just like her mum,” he added, leaning in to place a kiss on Tonks’ forehead.
Just then, Poppy stepped up take the baby away to check her over and wrap her up. Tonks protested slightly and then watched until Poppy’s body obscured their little girl.
“I’m so proud of you,” Remus said, pushing her damp fringe off her forehead and kissed her lips. He pulled back to look at her, and though her face told of exhaustion, her eyes were lit with joy.
When Molly walked over to the bed, Remus was startled; he’d forgotten she was there, having taken a seat in the corner of the room when he’d arrived.
“Congratulations,” she said, a wide smile on her face and tears shining in her eyes. She reached up and gave Remus a quick hug and then turned to Tonks and cupped her cheek briefly.
“Now then,” she said, in her best mothering tone. ”Let’s get you cleaned up before little Miss Lupin gets back.” She took her wand from her robes, and cast a Scourgify on Tonks, and another on the sheets, tucking them back in at the bottom. While Molly worked, Remus took a flannel from the bedside table and ran it softly over Tonks’ face. Then he sat her up gently and rearranged the pillows behind her, helping her to sit up a little more.
Just as she’d finished, Poppy returned with the baby, now wrapped snugly in a pristine white blanket, and placed her in Tonks' arms. “Does she have a name?” Poppy asked.
Remus looked down at his daughter, and then at Tonks who nodded to him, “Eva,” he said with a grin, “Eva Jane.”
Author: godricgal
Rating and Warnings: PG
Prompts: Lunascope, Room of Requirement, A Day Spent Apart, Angst
Word Count: 4863
Summary: All the years he’d spent as a slave to the moon, he’d never wished more that one could just pass him by than he did this one.
Author’s Notes: This is a bit of an experiment for me, I hope that it’s enjoyable all the same. Very many thanks to mrstater for days of tireless encouragement and a fantastic beta job.
All That’s Required
In the five years they’d been together, Remus had never been able to be close to Tonks without touching her. He loved to run his fingers through her hair, wrap his arms around her, or simply hold her hand. Three years of marriage hadn’t dulled the pleasure he gained from touching her and for the last seven months, since they’d discovered she was pregnant, he could not resist the constant urge to run his hand over her expanding tummy.
He’d marvelled as each day she grew slightly larger, stared at his hand on her skin with fascinated awe as he felt the baby moving beneath it. And now, as the final days of her pregnancy approached; propped up on pillows, he lay on his side next to her with his hand simply resting on the taught skin of her tummy. His other arm around her shoulders as the warmth of the late afternoon sun streamed though the windows. Her head rested high on his chest, her face turned into his neck slightly as she lay on her back. Her arm closest to him had snaked under his and her palm lay flat on his thigh.
“Do you have everything you need packed?” he asked softly.
“Mmm,” Tonks murmured, “I think I do. Not that it matters much, the Room of Requirement will provide, after all.”
Remus lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then brought it down to cup her face, pushing her head back gently so he could place a single kiss on her lips. His thumb scuffed her cheek as they regarded each other intently.
“It won’t happen to night, Remus." Her dark eyes became pleading as she added, "It can’t.”
Tonight was a full moon. Tonks could go into labour at any moment. It was the one thing that had terrified Remus throughout her pregnancy, the thought of her going though labour without him. He wanted to be there so she could hold his hand and squeeze as hard as she needed to. He wanted to be there to rub her back and whisper encouragement. He wanted to be there to share with her that joyous moment when they would be presented with the little miracle they’d created.
Remus didn’t know what to say. She was seeking a comfort that he could not give, but to give reassurance seemed like making an empty promise, one he couldn’t keep. And he was much in need of comfort himself.
So he simply pressed his lips to her forehead and tightened the grip of his arm around her shoulder and whispered, “I love you.”
Tonks brought her hand to his, which was now resting back on her tummy. “I love you, too,” she whispered back, her fingers tightening around his.
They fell silent, but Remus had never felt so close to her. Throughout the last seven months, he’d felt them growing ever closer, their little world becoming ever more enclosed, even as she grew to accommodate their baby. They’d been on a path of discovery together, they’d made something together and it was mind-blowing, really. Within days, their family, their world would contain a new centre. Or really, Remus thought, the baby would be their new focus, but the love that supported their lives would remain its building blocks.
Remus felt Tonks squirming slightly in his arms, and she huffed slightly in discomfort. It was a signal he’d become more than familiar with over the last few months. “You need a hand up?” he asked.
“Please.”
Remus sat up and slipped his hand behind her back to gently push her into a sitting position, and then stood to give her support as she got to her feet. He watched as she waddled slowly towards the bathroom, then sat back on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
All the years he’d spent as a slave to the moon, he’d never wished more that one could just pass him by than he did this one.
Months ago, Ginny had suggested their current plan: Remus would spend this ninth month moon at his old haunt, the Shrieking Shack, while Tonks rested in the Room of Requirement which could better equip itself for a possible childbirth than the Hogwarts hospital wing, and held the distinct advantage of privacy. If she went into labour, Remus would be near enough to join her as soon as the moon set.
Ginny had suggested the Room of Requirement because it could literally provide for all needs, even as they might change during the course of the delivery. Remus knew, though, that there was one requirement it would not be able to fulfil. Every wife deserved, needed to have her husband by her side as she gave birth.
A sharp cry from the bathroom pierced Remus' thoughts. He jumped from the bed and flew towards the bathroom, hoping with all his heart that this was just another amongst the three other false alarms they’d had.
He found Tonks sitting on the closed toilet seat, her hands pressed to her tummy, breathing heavily. She looked at him with fear filled eyes. “It’s got to be another false alarm, Remus, hasn’t it?” she said as he walked over to her. He knelt down beside her, resting back on his ankles and took her hands in his.
Remus’ heart was pounding but he knew he had to remain calm. If tonight was going to be the night, the one thing he could do for her was to stay strong for her, as long as he could remain with her.
“It might well be,” he answered, giving her hand a squeeze. “Just in case, why don’t we take that Portkey a little early, I can help you settle in.”
“Okay,” Tonks answered quietly, looking down at their hands. She took a few deep breaths, before lifting her head to meet his eyes.
****************************************
The Portkey delivered them directly into the Hogwarts hospital wing, where they found Poppy Pomfrey, peering into the potions cabinet, a clipboard in hand. She spun when she heard their entrance and cried, “Gracious, Remus, Tonks! You’re a little earlier than I’d expected. Everything’s all right, I hope.”
“Hello Poppy,” said Remus, taking Tonks hand and squeezing it reassuringly, “Tonks had a contraction about half an hour ago, we thought we better come and get settled a little earlier than we’d planned. I hope you don’t mind.”
Immediately all business, Poppy, with pursed lips, looked Tonks up and down. “How long did the contraction last?”
“Not long,” Tonks replied. “Maybe five seconds?” She looked up at Remus, askance. He nodded agreement.
“And nothing since?” Poppy asked.
Tonks shook her head.
“Right then,” Poppy said, “I’ve already been in and had a look around, go up and get yourself settled and I’ll be along shortly.”
“Thanks, Poppy,” said Remus, turning to lead Tonks out of the hospital wing.
“And put your nightie on,” she called as the door swung shut behind them.
They made their way through the hallways, which, thanks to the summer holiday, were completely empty. Their progress was swifter than Remus had anticipated, with Tonks in her current state, and before he knew it, they were outside the Room of Requirement
The door opened to them and they stepped inside.
Tonks took a step forward, apparently eager to explore the items the enchanted room had seen fit to provide them, but as Remus closed the door behind them, he asked, “Do you want to put your nightie on first, in case Poppy doesn’t give us much time?” He strode towards the bed and plopped her bag down on the table next to it.
“Well," Tonks replied, moving toward him, "first, I want you to give me a kiss, and then yes, that’s probably a good idea.”
Remus turned and smiled at her. Though obviously tired and anxious, she was beautiful. Her eyes had always sparkled, like no others he’d ever encountered, but the prospect of motherhood had intensified them somehow, she seemed to glow from within, a happy radiance. He held her face in both his hands. “Whatever happens tonight, Nymphadora, we’re going to have a lifetime of happiness with our baby.”
“I know,” Tonks mumbled against his lips just before he kissed her. He moved his lips slowly and lovingly over hers, he slid his hands into her hair as he deepened the kiss.
Just as all rational thought had left Remus’ mind, Tonks pulled back suddenly with a sharp “Oh!” She leant on Remus for support as she took a few gasping breaths, bending over slightly, her face scrunched up in pain. Remus moved to help her to the bed, but she grasped his sleeve to stop him, so he simply rubbed her back soothingly and whispered comforting words in her ear until the contraction passed. It seemed to Remus that it lasted a little longer than the first, a thought that concerned him slightly.
A minute or so later, she’d caught her breath, and stood up straighter. “I’d better get my nightie on, before Poppy gets here.”
Remus kissed her forehead and led her to the bed, where he helped her up and began to fish around in her bag for the bright pink nightshirt she’d chosen more than two months ago especially for the occasion.
“Arms up,” he said, turning back to her. She obliged, and he lifted her tee-shirt up over her head and arms before folding it neatly and laying it on top of the bag.
“In a day or so, you’ll be dressing the baby and I’ll be all on my own,” Tonks commented, as she reached around to unclasp her bra. She pulled it off and carelessly threw it over the shirt that Remus had so carefully folded and then raised her arms again as Remus shook out the night shirt.
“I’m sure I will be able to squeeze in a moment or two to help you on with your clothes, I’ve got used to it over the last couple of months, I think I’d miss it.” Remus replied as he pulled shirt down over her head, then smoothed her mussed hair back into place. “I’m sure that it wouldn’t take me half as long as it will to get the baby into one of those tiny little suits. I still can’t believe how small they are.”
“I know. But I have to say that in this position, I’m rather glad that they aren’t any bigger.” Tonks stood, and pushed down her trousers, allowing Remus to take them down to her ankles and she stepped out of them, leaning on his shoulder to steady herself.
“Into bed with you then,” Remus said, gently patting her on the hip.
“I want to look around first,” she protested. But at that moment there was a sharp knock on the door and Poppy walked in without waiting for an answer.
“Any more contractions?” she asked without preamble as she bustled around the room, collecting various objects.
“Yes,” replied Tonks, easing herself into bed as Remus held back the covers for her, “one more, lasted a little longer than the last one.”
Poppy nodded, then, apparently satisfied that she’d collected everything she needed, set them on the table and walked to the foot of the bed, “Right, let’s have a look, shall we.”
Remus held Tonks' hand, and they both waited quietly as Poppy examined Tonks in silence. Tonks squirmed restlessly, eyes darting from Remus to Poppy, and Remus got the impression that Tonks, like himself, was a little frustrated by the lack of information
“Everything seems to be coming along,” Poppy finally declared. “When will you be leaving, Remus?” she asked, moving towards the door.
“Uh,” Remus fished around for his pocket watch, but stopped when, to his surprise, a Lunascope appeared on the table beside him. He studied it for a moment and turned back to Poppy. “In about twenty minutes.”
He was still a bit shocked that no more information was going to be offered. He was about to enquire, when Tonks beat him to it.
“Poppy, can you tell us a bit more?” Tonks asked, her voice laden with anxiety, “I mean is it going to happen tonight?”
One hand on the open door, Poppy turned back. “Everything is fine, dear, don’t you worry about it. I’m afraid the baby will come when it’s ready, at this stage I really couldn’t tell you.” And then she turned and left the room, the door clicking firmly in place behind her.
Remus looked down at Tonks to see her biting her lip, a vulnerable expression on her face. He sat beside her on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through her hair. “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, love, but please don’t get yourself worked up about it. Not now.”
“I know you’re right, but you know, all these months we’ve talked about this possibility, I never expected it to happen." She drew a shallow breath, then said in a small voice, "I just want everything to be perfect.”
A tear squeezed out the corner of her eye, then rolled down her cheek, Remus wiped it away with his thumb, then slid onto the bed beside her and draped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him.
There was nothing he could say. He couldn’t make it better, because there was simply no way to mitigate not experiencing the birth of their first child together. So he held her, stroked her hair and pressed kisses to her forehead and rubbed circles on her tummy. They lay in silence for fifteen minutes. Often, Remus' gaze fell to the Lunascope, watching the steady progress of the moon against the horizon, he noted Tonks doing the same thing, with almost as much frequency. But despite the upset, despite what both of them were about to face, he felt very calm, peaceful.
“I have to go now, love,” he whispered into her hair. He felt her arm tighten around him, and he responded in kind, lifting his hand to tilt her chin up for a kiss.
When they parted, she whispered, “I’m scared, Remus.”
“I know," he replied. "It’s only natural. Whatever happens, you’re going to be fine, you’re the strongest person I know.” Remus sat up, and slipped off the bed. He turned and placed a kiss on her tummy and a final kiss on her lips, and took her hand giving it a squeeze, using his other hand to move the Lunascope so that she would be able to see it more easily. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, backing away from the bed, knowing that the longer he lingered, the harder it would be to leave. She held onto his hand until he was too far away and it slipped from her grip.
At the door, Remus paused and said, “I love you, both of you.”
“I love you too,” she replied, in almost a whisper.
And with that, he reached for the door handle and slipped out the room.
****************************************
When Remus reached the Shrieking Shack, he instantly set about making a final check of all the security wards. That task complete, he slipped off his clothes and folded them neatly, before stowing them away safely in a cupboard along with his wand. All the while, he couldn’t erase the image of Tonks pale face as she’d clung to his hand as long as possible. Letting go and leaving her had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.
While he greatly admired Poppy Pomfrey for the natural talent she possessed for healing, he was concerned about her ability to alleviate some of Tonks’ fears. Having witnessed the ease with which she’d dismissed Tonks’ need --, and indeed his own -- to be together during the birth, he had to admit that he thought the Healer's brusque and matter-of-fact bedside manner was not what Tonks needed.
Remus fingers and toes pricked with the pull of the moon. He glanced out the window to see the moon slipping up the horizon. He’d spent too much time thinking and not enough time doing, and made an instant decision.
The dusty old floorboards rough on his bare feet, Remus dashed to the cupboard in which he’d stored his belongings, he tore open the door and rifled desperately for his wand. The second his seeking hands found purchase, he thrust his wand in the air, and conjured his Patronus. He hesitated slightly on how to word his request, but then shook himself; now wasn’t the time for debating etiquette. He spoke the words and sealed the message.
In the next instant his wand clattered to the ground and he fell to his hands and knees as the last slither of the moon separated from the horizon, its power ripping through his body. Face contorted in pain and body rigid, he watched the silvery bird soar gracefully through the window.
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His transformation complete, Remus stood panting as the ghosts of pain left his body. He felt helpless, utterly helpless, In a way that he’d rarely felt before. Something was happening; one of the most important events in his life -- in his and Tonks’ life -- and he couldn’t be there. He wanted to scream in frustration, but he couldn’t; it would be released as a howl, a wolfish instinct he never gave into. So instead, he paced, marking out the tracks of time with the dull pat of his pads on the wooden floor.
Over the course of his relationship with Tonks, his condition had become almost a normality, just an irritation that kept them apart for one night each month. It was never the pain of transformation that affected Remus' perception of his condition; he’d accepted that long ago. What bothered him - and it had been Tonks who’d made him realise - was his own prejudice against his kind, reflected back on himself.
Their first stab at a relationship, the year the Order of the Phoenix reconvened, had been a dream. He'd barely had a moment to think clearly for wondering over the beautiful, amazing woman who’d quite literally stumbled into his world. It had been a year of intoxicating kisses, nighttimes swathed in blankets and passion, ending with a hard landing to reality when his mission to the wolves had cut a sharp path through dreams straight back to his old prejudice.
And it had intensified. Witnessing first hand the despicable practices of his kind, their bitterness and hatred, he'd startled with revulsion at their behaviour. But as he'd tried to convince them of other ways, his loathing had hardened into self-hatred as he considered that this was what he would have become by nature had he not been sent to school.
Grief had set him straight. The keen strike of pain he’d felt when the news of Dumbledore’s death had been delivered to him set him on the path to peace. He’d refused her once again, yes, but it was habit by then, a measure to protect himself, to distance himself from what he knew he’d find in her eyes: welcome, love and belief.
An hour of solitude after all the commotion had receded had allowed him to realise that not a single one of the creatures he’d spent a year calling fellows could possibly be capable of feeling the pain that he felt for the death of his mentor; they took help and guidance and felt no gratitude. Remus took and Remus gave. He loved and could be loved.
He’d needed time, of course, to adjust his reasoning, to fully accept everything that a full life with another person had to offer. But his condition slowly became a less defining factor of his life. Her love and vivacity took so much space at centre stage that it couldn’t help but be pushed to the edge.
Even now, as he paced back and forth across the old oak floor of the Shrieking Shack, bathed in moonlight, it wasn’t his condition that he cursed.
It was timing.
The image of Tonks' small, frightened face was burned in his minds eye. She was never one for helplessness, but this was a new, unknown experience, and fear for their baby contributed to her vulnerable state to no minor extent. He wanted to hold her hand, stroke her face as she laboured to bear their child; encourage her, reassure her, begin to play his role as father. That was nature. Human nature; to protect his wife and child and he could not deny it.
How she was doing? Were the contractions lasting longer? Coming closer together? He desperately wished he’d asked to be kept informed; though if he had news, it would only feed his frustration. Was Tonks alone? Did she have someone to hold her hand? She had almost been in tears when he’d left, he’d had the sense that she was holding back for his sake.
His thoughts were interrupted by a glowing light; he recognised it instantly as Molly’s whale Patronus. He watched as it floated towards him, tail and fins bobbing, then opened its yawning mouth to speak the words of its message.
“Tonks is doing well. Her labour’s moving on slowly, but she's comfortable enough for now. She says to tell you that she loves you and to get some sleep, because regardless of what happens while you’re away, you will need your energy tomorrow. I will look after her until you return.”
Remus breathed a deep sigh of relief. Molly had come. Tonks wasn’t alone. She was doing okay.
And thinking of him.
Sleep. He needed to sleep. Tonks was right. All this pacing wasn’t going to do either of them any good. He had to be at his best tomorrow; whether he made it back in time or not, he should be in as good a physical condition as he could be.
He was going to be a father.
He padded to the dusty bed in the corner, and leapt to lie upon it. As he rested his head on his paws, he tried to clear his thoughts of the present, and instead allowed himself to think of the most defining moments of the last nine months.
He remembered their joy when the Healer had told them yes, she was pregnant, finally after almost a year of trying. He remembered how each day she’d stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom trying to decide if she’d grown since the previous day, and her delight the day her jeans had not buttoned over her tummy, and she'd Flooed to the Burrow so Molly could let out all her robes. He remembered how each and every day of watching their tiny little miracle grow bigger and stronger -- the baby sometimes felt like it was playing Beater inside Tonks-- had drawn them closer.
Finally, with the moon high in the sky, he drifted off.
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To describe what she'd felt when Molly had swept into the Room of Requirement as incredible relief would have been an understatement. Tonks liked Poppy, but the Healer's less than informative updates on her progress and professional detachment were more than a little frustrating. Molly was experienced enough in these matters that surely she could let Tonks know what to expect. And Molly would be able to make small talk, help the time pass more quickly, and most importantly, understand how much of a wrench it was that Remus was not here.
Molly bustled about, making tea and tucking Tonks more tightly into bed. Tonks’ gaze constantly drifted to the Lunascope, thankful that she could watch the moon’s progress in this windowless room and she wouldn’t be constantly asking Molly for the time and having to work out the calculations in her head.
Contractions came and went at long intervals, and in the meantime Tonks walked around the room to ease her tensed muscles and work out some of the restless energy that was building inside her. Molly rubbed her back in slow soothing circles, and spoke reassuringly when questioned.
By five am, the contractions had started to come more frequently and Tonks was constantly checking the Lunascope, pleading silently to the baby to please wait for Daddy.
She need not have worried; an hour later, panting, with beads of perspiration on her brow, she watched with relief as the moon disappeared into the box. Remus was in his own body once more. He would be here in time.
The next contraction over took her, and she squeezed Molly’s hand but did not allow her eyes to close; they were trained steadfastly on the door.
As the last waves of pain washed through her, the door flew open and Remus was there. His eyes found hers immediately, he was still straightening his shirt, his hair was in desperate need of a comb, but a huge grin spread across his face, and she knew that it was mirrored on hers.
****************************************
Remus crossed the room and took his place at her side, taking her hand and placing a kiss on her forehead. “You made it,” she whispered.
“I did,” he replied, squeezing her hand. “How has it been so far?”
“Not too bad, so far. Molly’s been fantastic. I’m tired though.” Suddenly, her expression changed and she frowned at him in concern. “How are you? I’m not the only one who’s had a rough night.”
“I’m fine, love. Don’t you worry about me,” he glanced up at Molly briefly, smiling broadly, and then shifted his gaze back to Tonks. “Apparently the prospect of seeing your child for the first time is a miracle post-transformation cure.”
“Well don’t expect me to give birth every month, will you?” Tonks said dryly.
Over the next two hours, Remus found himself fulfilling all the duties he’d prepared to do over the last seven months, and he brimmed with pride all the while. He was proud of Tonks, of her strength and endurance for their baby and for him; and he was proud to find himself in this situation, at the brink of fatherhood.
In the final moments, he bent his head very close to hers, held her hand tightly and whispered encouragement as tears streamed down her face. It hurt desperately to see her in such pain, but soon it would all be over and they would be parents, and that thought carried him through. The sound of the baby’s cry was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. He took Tonks’ face and kissed it as she gasped for breath and then together the watched as Poppy placed the tiny, red faced baby on the new mother's chest.
“A little girl,” she pronounced.
Remus was stunned, his mouth fell open slightly, and a powerful emotion rose in his chest. A little girl. He had a daughter…They had a daughter, and she was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen. He marvelled at her tiny little fingers, with perfect little fingernails, her head was covered in soft downy hair, her perfect little nose; she was beautiful.
Tonks looked at her, speechless and reached to touch one of her tiny hands. “Oh Remus,” she breathed, looking up at him in joyous wonder.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch the baby’s cheek. “Just like her mum,” he added, leaning in to place a kiss on Tonks’ forehead.
Just then, Poppy stepped up take the baby away to check her over and wrap her up. Tonks protested slightly and then watched until Poppy’s body obscured their little girl.
“I’m so proud of you,” Remus said, pushing her damp fringe off her forehead and kissed her lips. He pulled back to look at her, and though her face told of exhaustion, her eyes were lit with joy.
When Molly walked over to the bed, Remus was startled; he’d forgotten she was there, having taken a seat in the corner of the room when he’d arrived.
“Congratulations,” she said, a wide smile on her face and tears shining in her eyes. She reached up and gave Remus a quick hug and then turned to Tonks and cupped her cheek briefly.
“Now then,” she said, in her best mothering tone. ”Let’s get you cleaned up before little Miss Lupin gets back.” She took her wand from her robes, and cast a Scourgify on Tonks, and another on the sheets, tucking them back in at the bottom. While Molly worked, Remus took a flannel from the bedside table and ran it softly over Tonks’ face. Then he sat her up gently and rearranged the pillows behind her, helping her to sit up a little more.
Just as she’d finished, Poppy returned with the baby, now wrapped snugly in a pristine white blanket, and placed her in Tonks' arms. “Does she have a name?” Poppy asked.
Remus looked down at his daughter, and then at Tonks who nodded to him, “Eva,” he said with a grin, “Eva Jane.”