(no subject)
Title: The Day After The Full Moon
Author: killerforhire_
Rating & Warnings: pg-13. Profanity.
Prompts: Prompt group 8, Remus' wand, a snug in a dark pub, a day of remorse, angst
Word Count: 1397 words
Summary: The day after the full moon, Remus longs for a sense of normalcy. He goes out for a drink and it's all downhill from there. I'm not the best summarizer, amirite?
Author’s Notes: I think a lot of you will feel Remus is too cynical in this, but I like the way he acts. I'd feel like crap too if I just went to hell and back.
It wasn't the day of the full moon that Remus dreaded the most. It was the day after. The aches, the creaks, the soreness. He often thought he was better off staying a wolf than having to go through this pain. It always subsided though. But then again, it always came back.
Remus looked up at the ceiling of the Shrieking Shack and thought about the night before.
I wonder how many more scars I have now.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He sighed when he opened his eyes and he saw that the sunrise was just beginning to pour in. He wanted to get up and get dressed but his legs and arms didn't want to move. He tried and stumbled over and over again till he just gave up. He wanted to take a shower, have a shave, get dressed, get into town, have a drink. He wanted a sense of normalcy.
It was a good thirty minutes of staring at a fly caught in a spiders' web till his legs and arms decided they wanted to move.
When he showered he saw some blood washed off his legs and arms.
No need for wondering anymore.
When he shaved he saw some scabs.
When he got dressed he found some tears.
When he went into town he got some stares.
When he got his drink he sat down in a chair.
He chose a dark corner so that nobody would be able to stare at him inside The Hog's Head either.
What a load of hypocrisy that would be.
He chose whiskey even though he hated it. It burned his insides and always got him piss drunk. It reminded him of Sirius and thinking of Sirius made him think of the veil. Coming to grips with his own mortality was something he convinced himself he had came to terms with.
He threw back a shot and scrunched his face when his throat started burning. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"I thought you hated whiskey, Remus."
No, not that voice. Anything but that voice.
"Remus, look at me."
You're not here. You're not real.
"Remus, open your eyes!"
So he did. He saw the brown hair, the pale skin, the small frame. He saw the bags under her eyes and wanted to kiss them away. He saw no sparkle in her big brown eyes and wanted to bring it back. He wanted to kiss her right in this dark corner and make everything right again.
"Would you like a seat, Tonks?"
"You've always been quite the gentleman, Remus." Tonks took a seat across the table from him.
"Only thing I've prided myself on. Well, maybe save the ballroom dancing skills."
A small twinkle appeared in her eyes, and a small smile tugged at her lips. "I didn't know you could ballroom dance."
"You don't know a lot of things about me."
The twinkle and the smile disappeared. She looked looked down at the table and ran her fingers through her hair.
Made her nervous. No need for that.
Remus poured a shot.
"Would you like some?"
"Why are you drinking it?"
"Penchant for the melodramatic, Tonks. Self-harm in a way."
"Why do you do this to yourself, Remus?" She looked up, exasperated. She shook her head and looked to her right. "I could swear you were raised Catholic."
"How do you know I wasn't?"
Tonks looked at him. She was visibly annoyed with him. "Well, why don't you tell me? I apparently know nothing about you."
Remus threw back the shot Tonks never claimed. He scrunched his face and almost winced at the pain. He didn't want Tonks to know it was hurting him too bad.
"Raised as a member of the Church of England till I was about 14. Stopped caring after that."
"Why'd you stop caring?"
"I don't remember. It was an awful long time ago. 20 years."
Bad idea to bring up the age difference. No matter.
Remus and Tonks looked directly into each others eyes as he poured himself another shot. She had flashes of irritation and anger in them. His eyes started to glaze.
"So why are you in The Hog's Head, Tonks. Ministry business? Order business?"
"My own business."
"Sassy."
He threw back the shot.
"Are you looking to get blacked out?"
"Like I said, Tonks. Penchant for the melodramatic."
"You're so self-destructive."
"Only the day after the full moon."
"Forgetful, also."
"Want to invest in a remembrall for me?"
Tonks kicked his shins under the table.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You've been so unreasonable ever since Sirius died."
"Passed through the veil."
"Died."
Remus narrowed his eyes at her.
"What are you here for?"
"To check up on you."
"How sweet of you."
"And to give you your wand."
Tonks tossed Remus' wand onto the table. Remus stared at it for moment before he realized it was his and looked up at her.
"Do you have a death wish, Remus? You left this at the Shack. I hardly believe it was you just being forgetful."
"And if I said it was?"
"Then I'd call bullshit."
"Then say it loud and say it proud. I could swear it was in my pocket the whole time."
"Bull! Shit!"
The entire Hog's Head quieted and looked at the corner. Remus saw every dark, guilty face look at him as if he was the lowliest scum of the earth. He saw Aberforth's concerned face examine him. He saw Tonks and wanted to make everything right again.
Remus poured himself a final shot, drank it, took his wand and left.
His legs and arms didn't want to support him and his eyes didn't want to focus.
Penchant for the melodramatic, indeed.
He felt arms go around him and grunts.
"Oh Remus, I don't understand you sometimes."
He looked around and saw he was being stabilized by Tonks.
"I don't understand you either. Small girl like you helping out a big man like me."
"I have my reasons."
"Pray tell, Nymphadora Tonks. Are you sure you want to carry me all the way up to my magnificent manor?"
Tonks stopped walking. Remus looked at her and saw that her eyes were starting to water.
"No, no, no, don't cry. Don't cry. Shhh. Shhh. Don't carry me. I'll get back to my manor safe and sound."
"You don't understand anything! I don't get it! I tell you so many times and you never seem to understand!"
"Shh. Shh. What am I not understanding?"
"What's the point?! Why tell you now?! You're drunk! You won't remember a thing!"
"I can remember many things, thank you!"
"Bullshit! You don't remember the important things! Walk yourself up to that magnificent manor of yours. I've got to get to work."
Tonks started walking through the snow. She fell a couple of times, but she never looked back at him.
-------------------------
Remus woke up the ceiling of the Shrieking Shack with a terrible hangover. He couldn't remember much. Just that Nymphadora was mad at him, yet again.
What did I do this time? I didn't break up with her. I didn't outwardly refuse her.
What he did remember was that it wasn't till late when he got back into his magnificent manor. He could remember standing out in the cold watching her walk back into town. He could remember hoping in his drunken stupor that she would look back, stop in her tracks, something that would show that she was doubting her decision to walk away. He remembered a slight sadness when he saw the little speck of her body in the horizon disappear. He didn't know if she disapparated or if he just couldn't see any farther, just that she was gone.
He remembered stumbling up to his magnificent manor and fumbling to get the door open. He remembered plopping into bed and going to sleep.
But what did I do this time?
Remus got up and saw that it was a brand new day. The fly was no longer in the spider web, and he ached not because he was hungover, not because of the full moon.
But because he felt that no matter what, he could never make it right again.
Author: killerforhire_
Rating & Warnings: pg-13. Profanity.
Prompts: Prompt group 8, Remus' wand, a snug in a dark pub, a day of remorse, angst
Word Count: 1397 words
Summary: The day after the full moon, Remus longs for a sense of normalcy. He goes out for a drink and it's all downhill from there. I'm not the best summarizer, amirite?
Author’s Notes: I think a lot of you will feel Remus is too cynical in this, but I like the way he acts. I'd feel like crap too if I just went to hell and back.
It wasn't the day of the full moon that Remus dreaded the most. It was the day after. The aches, the creaks, the soreness. He often thought he was better off staying a wolf than having to go through this pain. It always subsided though. But then again, it always came back.
Remus looked up at the ceiling of the Shrieking Shack and thought about the night before.
I wonder how many more scars I have now.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He sighed when he opened his eyes and he saw that the sunrise was just beginning to pour in. He wanted to get up and get dressed but his legs and arms didn't want to move. He tried and stumbled over and over again till he just gave up. He wanted to take a shower, have a shave, get dressed, get into town, have a drink. He wanted a sense of normalcy.
It was a good thirty minutes of staring at a fly caught in a spiders' web till his legs and arms decided they wanted to move.
When he showered he saw some blood washed off his legs and arms.
No need for wondering anymore.
When he shaved he saw some scabs.
When he got dressed he found some tears.
When he went into town he got some stares.
When he got his drink he sat down in a chair.
He chose a dark corner so that nobody would be able to stare at him inside The Hog's Head either.
What a load of hypocrisy that would be.
He chose whiskey even though he hated it. It burned his insides and always got him piss drunk. It reminded him of Sirius and thinking of Sirius made him think of the veil. Coming to grips with his own mortality was something he convinced himself he had came to terms with.
He threw back a shot and scrunched his face when his throat started burning. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"I thought you hated whiskey, Remus."
No, not that voice. Anything but that voice.
"Remus, look at me."
You're not here. You're not real.
"Remus, open your eyes!"
So he did. He saw the brown hair, the pale skin, the small frame. He saw the bags under her eyes and wanted to kiss them away. He saw no sparkle in her big brown eyes and wanted to bring it back. He wanted to kiss her right in this dark corner and make everything right again.
"Would you like a seat, Tonks?"
"You've always been quite the gentleman, Remus." Tonks took a seat across the table from him.
"Only thing I've prided myself on. Well, maybe save the ballroom dancing skills."
A small twinkle appeared in her eyes, and a small smile tugged at her lips. "I didn't know you could ballroom dance."
"You don't know a lot of things about me."
The twinkle and the smile disappeared. She looked looked down at the table and ran her fingers through her hair.
Made her nervous. No need for that.
Remus poured a shot.
"Would you like some?"
"Why are you drinking it?"
"Penchant for the melodramatic, Tonks. Self-harm in a way."
"Why do you do this to yourself, Remus?" She looked up, exasperated. She shook her head and looked to her right. "I could swear you were raised Catholic."
"How do you know I wasn't?"
Tonks looked at him. She was visibly annoyed with him. "Well, why don't you tell me? I apparently know nothing about you."
Remus threw back the shot Tonks never claimed. He scrunched his face and almost winced at the pain. He didn't want Tonks to know it was hurting him too bad.
"Raised as a member of the Church of England till I was about 14. Stopped caring after that."
"Why'd you stop caring?"
"I don't remember. It was an awful long time ago. 20 years."
Bad idea to bring up the age difference. No matter.
Remus and Tonks looked directly into each others eyes as he poured himself another shot. She had flashes of irritation and anger in them. His eyes started to glaze.
"So why are you in The Hog's Head, Tonks. Ministry business? Order business?"
"My own business."
"Sassy."
He threw back the shot.
"Are you looking to get blacked out?"
"Like I said, Tonks. Penchant for the melodramatic."
"You're so self-destructive."
"Only the day after the full moon."
"Forgetful, also."
"Want to invest in a remembrall for me?"
Tonks kicked his shins under the table.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You've been so unreasonable ever since Sirius died."
"Passed through the veil."
"Died."
Remus narrowed his eyes at her.
"What are you here for?"
"To check up on you."
"How sweet of you."
"And to give you your wand."
Tonks tossed Remus' wand onto the table. Remus stared at it for moment before he realized it was his and looked up at her.
"Do you have a death wish, Remus? You left this at the Shack. I hardly believe it was you just being forgetful."
"And if I said it was?"
"Then I'd call bullshit."
"Then say it loud and say it proud. I could swear it was in my pocket the whole time."
"Bull! Shit!"
The entire Hog's Head quieted and looked at the corner. Remus saw every dark, guilty face look at him as if he was the lowliest scum of the earth. He saw Aberforth's concerned face examine him. He saw Tonks and wanted to make everything right again.
Remus poured himself a final shot, drank it, took his wand and left.
His legs and arms didn't want to support him and his eyes didn't want to focus.
Penchant for the melodramatic, indeed.
He felt arms go around him and grunts.
"Oh Remus, I don't understand you sometimes."
He looked around and saw he was being stabilized by Tonks.
"I don't understand you either. Small girl like you helping out a big man like me."
"I have my reasons."
"Pray tell, Nymphadora Tonks. Are you sure you want to carry me all the way up to my magnificent manor?"
Tonks stopped walking. Remus looked at her and saw that her eyes were starting to water.
"No, no, no, don't cry. Don't cry. Shhh. Shhh. Don't carry me. I'll get back to my manor safe and sound."
"You don't understand anything! I don't get it! I tell you so many times and you never seem to understand!"
"Shh. Shh. What am I not understanding?"
"What's the point?! Why tell you now?! You're drunk! You won't remember a thing!"
"I can remember many things, thank you!"
"Bullshit! You don't remember the important things! Walk yourself up to that magnificent manor of yours. I've got to get to work."
Tonks started walking through the snow. She fell a couple of times, but she never looked back at him.
-------------------------
Remus woke up the ceiling of the Shrieking Shack with a terrible hangover. He couldn't remember much. Just that Nymphadora was mad at him, yet again.
What did I do this time? I didn't break up with her. I didn't outwardly refuse her.
What he did remember was that it wasn't till late when he got back into his magnificent manor. He could remember standing out in the cold watching her walk back into town. He could remember hoping in his drunken stupor that she would look back, stop in her tracks, something that would show that she was doubting her decision to walk away. He remembered a slight sadness when he saw the little speck of her body in the horizon disappear. He didn't know if she disapparated or if he just couldn't see any farther, just that she was gone.
He remembered stumbling up to his magnificent manor and fumbling to get the door open. He remembered plopping into bed and going to sleep.
But what did I do this time?
Remus got up and saw that it was a brand new day. The fly was no longer in the spider web, and he ached not because he was hungover, not because of the full moon.
But because he felt that no matter what, he could never make it right again.