Bittersweets, by mrstater
Title: Bittersweets
Author: MrsTater
Rating & Warnings: G for Gross
Prompts: Honeydukes, Day of Shocks, General
Word Count: 1966 words
Summary: On Teddy's first birthday, a Lupin family tradition reveals that Remus' son doesn't share a crucial family trait... [Alternate Universe]
Author’s Notes: Just a bit of silliness, really. Not for the weak of stomach, this fic is set in the same 'verse as my last Metamorfic_Moon entry, The Honeymooners, in which a post-war Harry lives with Remus and Tonks and goes back to Hogwarts for his 7th year. Many thanks to Godricgal for looking it over for me! And to Tegdoh, who inadvertently inspired the plot twist....
Bittersweets
A bell jangled welcomingly as Remus, carrying Teddy, nudged the shop door open with his shoulder and then stood aside for his wife to pass through. Laughing and chattering away about something that sounded a lot like "bear", but most probably wasn't, Teddy squirmed in Remus' arms, stretching mittened hands up toward the tinkling brass bell. Tonks, in her fuchsia cloak, tickled his tummy as she squeezed her way around them to pass through the door. But the look she gave Remus was less than playful.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Sure, I'm sure," Remus replied, briefly losing eye contact with Tonks as Harry, bundled up against the blustery April day in his serviceable black school cloak and red and gold-striped Gryffindor scarf, paused on the stoop to wipe his feet. How lucky that Teddy's first birthday had fallen on Harry's final Hogsmeade weekend! "It's Lupin family tradition."
This didn't seem to be a good enough explanation for Tonks, though it did elicit a grin from Harry. "When I have kids, it's going to be a Potter family tradition, too."
"Lucky for you, your best friend's parents are dentists." Tonks gave Remus a pointed look. "What are we going to do when Teddy rots his teeth out for the sake of a silly tradition?"
"He's only got four," Remus replied, feeling exempt from being hexed to oblivion by his wife, as their son was in his arms. "And all baby teeth fall out, anyway."
Despite their son being in Remus' arms, Tonks slugged her husband in the shoulder. "That doesn’t mean you've got to help them along by stuffing him full of sweets just because they're not taboo for baby anymore!"
"I've never had a bit of dental trouble in my life," Remus said, "and my dad started me on sweets on--"
"--your first birthday," Ambrosius Flume finished for him, lumbering toward them from the back room of Honeydukes Sweetshop, his apron smeared with chocolate as though he'd been busy making extra fudge for the Hogwarts rush. His large hand was extended to shake Remus', and the other settled lightly on Teddy's back. "Merlin, I'm old. It seems like only yesterday you were toddling after the Chocolate Frogs, Remus, and now here you are with a little sprog of your own."
Ambrosius stepped back to appraise Teddy, who'd grown tired of the bell and was now engaged in his favourite game of trying to wrench Harry's glasses off his face. (Harry had learned at Easter holidays that it was best to cast a Sticking Charm on his spectacles when he put them on in the mornings.)
"Although I think your hair was rather, erm, browner at that age than young Mr. Lupin's here."
Pulling Teddy away from Harry's glasses, secure though they were, Remus kissed his son's shock of turquoise hair and smiled softly at Tonks over the top of the baby's head. "Yes, Teddy's best features come from his mum."
Tonks morphed her hair to match Teddy's, to Ambrosius' delight. "Only Remus is sure the very best feature of all is chocolate addiction. So let's see how far the cub fell from the werewolf, shall we?"
It being a Hogsmeade weekend, Ambrosius had to help Mrs. Flume at the till and keep the shelves stocked as the school children descended on the sweetshop like locusts. But before leaving Remus and Tonks to it, , he invited them to let Teddy sample anything in the shop on him, as a birthday gift. With a wink at Remus, he added, "And I feel I owe you, Remus, for being my best customer over the years."
"Hey!" Harry called after Ambrosius, "Ron and I've been pretty loyal customers, these past few years ourselves!"
"Yes, you'd do your father proud, Harry!" Chuckling, Ambrosius made his way to join his harried-looking wife at the front desk.
"Well," said Remus, grinning at the familiar scene of Honeydukes packed with teenagers dressed in school robes, looking very boyish himself, "where shall we start him off?"
Tonks took Teddy, who was leaning over in Remus' arms and about to dive headlong to the hardwood floor, and set him on his tiny Wiz Martens (black with red laces and vibrant orange and yellow flames on the toes). "I think that should be Teddy's choice, seeing as he's the birthday boy."
As she tugged off his mittens, Teddy let out a shriek and darted toward a cloth-draped table, piled high with packages of Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans. His face a white mask of terror, Remus chased after Teddy and scooped him up again, turning away from the table so that his body shielded Teddy from it.
A temper tantrum ensued. Remus, however, remained steadfast even as Teddy howled in his ear.
"No son of mine's going to eat Bertie Bott's!"
"Why not?" Tonks leant against the table with an open bag as she scooped out a handful of Every Flavoured Beans into her palm. "I thought you just said about Teddy's best features coming from his mum. He is a Metamorphmagus like me, after all, and we do like variety."
"She makes a good point, Remus," Harry said, helping himself to a few of Tonks' beans. "You shouldn't be prejudiced against Bertie Bott's just because you got that vomit-flavoured one last Christmas."
Remus grimaced at the memory. "Is it so wrong to want to protect my son from vomit-flavoured jellybeans?"
"Yes," answered Tonks and Harry in unison.
"I thought we'd been over this overprotective thing," Tonks said, putting a stop to Teddy's tantrum by placing the bag of Beans in his hands.
Rolling his eyes, Remus muttered, "I hadn't realised that applied to sweets."
He cringed as Teddy's four teeth munched laboriously at a jellybean he hoped had a caramel taste to match its colour (but was far more likely to taste like earwax) and the toddler clapped his hands in approval.
"Hey, Teddy, look here!" Harry squatted on the floor, unwrapping a foil-wrapped packet. A brown web-footed shape hopped out, and Teddy lunged in Remus' arms.
"Ah, Harry, I knew you were the perfect choice for Teddy's godfather," Remus said, setting Teddy on the ground and crouching beside him, grateful that Harry had taken pity on him and introduced his son to the confectionary delights of chocolate frogs.
Still clutching his paper sack of Bertie Bott's (glowering and screaming at Remus when he tried to prise it from his chubby fingers), Teddy toddled after the hopping chocolate. Inevitably, running led to Teddy stumbling and falling heavily on his diapered bottom. Unfazed, he swiped at the frog as its leaping course carried it past his hand.
Teddy panted with excitement and looked up at Remus with rapturous blue eyes.
"Yes, Teddy, that's a chocolate frog," Remus said. "Let him hop into your mouth. Like Harry."
Teddy watched as Harry opened his own palm and let a frog make a chocolatey trail up his scarf into his mouth. His motor mimicry not quite up to speed with his morphing, Teddy grinned his four-toothed grin and shoved his frog directly into his mouth.
Remus' look of chocolate ecstasy was not mirrored on Teddy's face.
His button nose scrunched up.
His skin and hair took on a greenish hue.
He gagged.
Then, in what had nothing to do with the Hopping Charm placed on Honeydukes famous amphibian treats, chocolate projected from Teddy's mouth, spraying the front of Remus' black woollen travelling cloak.
Teddy sputtered miserably, dropping his bag of Bertie Bott's as he reached pathetically up for Tonks.
"Oh, Teddy Bear!" Tonks managed to croon sympathetically through her laughter as Teddy burrowed his tear-streaked face into her chest. "Was that chocolate froggie so icky? And you were worried about protecting him from the vomit-flavoured jellybeans?" she said to Remus, who was knelt gawping at the chocolate frog wrappers littering the floor, oblivious to the vomit on his clothes. True, as parents of a baby, vomit was commonplace, but Remus was really and truly in shock.
"My son doesn't like chocolate?" he said, and then looked pleadingly up at Teddy, whom Harry had restored to contentedness by giving him the Bertie Bott's again. "My son...doesn't like...chocolate?" He raked his hands into his thick greying brown hair and tugged at the roots. "What'll he do if he ever has a run-in with Dementors?"
"He'll just have to learn to cast a Patronus Charm," Tonks said, wryly.
Harry patted Remus on the shoulder. "Good job his dad's an experienced DADA teacher."
This was little consolation to Remus, who was looking at Teddy in disbelief as he stuffed his mouth with Every Flavour Beans. "Maybe it's only chocolate frogs he doesn't like. He certainly seems to be enjoying those chocolate Bertie Bott's."
Harry exchanged a brief glance with Tonks before saying, "Then you probably don't want me to tell you those aren't chocolate-flavoured Bertie Bott's, do you?"
Remus blinked. Then he covered his face in his hands and made a deranged sound of distress in his throat.
But when Tonks cried, "Oh, bugger!" and the expletive was closely followed by the sound of hundreds of Every Flavour Beans pelting the floor like nasty hailstones, and then a wail from Teddy, Remus uncovered his face to see his pink-haired wife tilting their son's now mousy-brown head backward and attempting to shove her finger into Teddy's nostril.
"Dear God!" Remus scrabbled to his feet. "I told you we shouldn't have given him Bertie Bott's! He's barely a year old!"
"Shut up, Remus," Tonks snapped. She pulled her finger away from Teddy's nose. "Crap, my finger's too big to get up his nose."
"Can't you morph it skinnier?" Harry suggested, helpfully.
Grasping Teddy's chin to hold his writhing face still, Remus peered into the dark cavern of Teddy's nose.
"It's lodged pretty far up. I'm afraid you'll hurt him if you try to go fishing in there. Look the poor thing's eye's swollen up. It must be in his nasal cavity." He sighed. "Can't Teddy morph his nostril wider, so the bean will simply fall out?"
"He's a baby," said Tonks, close to tears. "He doesn't have that sort of control. Oh, we're crap parents! We'd better get him to St. Mung--oh!"
For at that moment, Teddy's small, roly-poly body had snapped forward in her arms, letting out a tremendous, "A-CHOO!"
Remus' grandfather had told him once that a sneeze came out of you’re a person's body at the speed of the Hogwarts Express. Now he believed it. In Teddy's case, the locomotive force had been enough to shoot the jellybean from the small boy's nose.
"Was that a sneeze," asked Harry, "or was Teddy's first word Accio?"
Remus and Tonks looked at one another as Tonks let the now happy but wriggling Teddy down from her arms.
"I'm sure it didn't sound quite like a sneeze!" A grin split Remus' face, Teddy's dislike of chocolate forgotten in spite of the fact that Remus was wearing the regurgitated proof of it on his cloak. His chest puffed as he slung an arm around Tonks' shoulders. "How about that, Dora? Teddy's first word was a spell! He did wandless magic! I said the day he was born we had a great wizard in the making!"
Tonks, however, watching the scene through eyes not dazed by paternal pride, saw Teddy crouch and pick up the bean he'd dislodged from his nose and pop it into his mouth. "Apparently what our little wizard's great at making is bogey-flavoured Bertie Bott's."
Remus' smile fell. "I did say he got all his worst features from his mum, didn't I?"
Quickly, he scooped up Teddy, Bertie Bott's and all, and held him out in front of himself as a shield against his wife's hex to oblivion.
The End
Author: MrsTater
Rating & Warnings: G for Gross
Prompts: Honeydukes, Day of Shocks, General
Word Count: 1966 words
Summary: On Teddy's first birthday, a Lupin family tradition reveals that Remus' son doesn't share a crucial family trait... [Alternate Universe]
Author’s Notes: Just a bit of silliness, really. Not for the weak of stomach, this fic is set in the same 'verse as my last Metamorfic_Moon entry, The Honeymooners, in which a post-war Harry lives with Remus and Tonks and goes back to Hogwarts for his 7th year. Many thanks to Godricgal for looking it over for me! And to Tegdoh, who inadvertently inspired the plot twist....
Bittersweets
A bell jangled welcomingly as Remus, carrying Teddy, nudged the shop door open with his shoulder and then stood aside for his wife to pass through. Laughing and chattering away about something that sounded a lot like "bear", but most probably wasn't, Teddy squirmed in Remus' arms, stretching mittened hands up toward the tinkling brass bell. Tonks, in her fuchsia cloak, tickled his tummy as she squeezed her way around them to pass through the door. But the look she gave Remus was less than playful.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Sure, I'm sure," Remus replied, briefly losing eye contact with Tonks as Harry, bundled up against the blustery April day in his serviceable black school cloak and red and gold-striped Gryffindor scarf, paused on the stoop to wipe his feet. How lucky that Teddy's first birthday had fallen on Harry's final Hogsmeade weekend! "It's Lupin family tradition."
This didn't seem to be a good enough explanation for Tonks, though it did elicit a grin from Harry. "When I have kids, it's going to be a Potter family tradition, too."
"Lucky for you, your best friend's parents are dentists." Tonks gave Remus a pointed look. "What are we going to do when Teddy rots his teeth out for the sake of a silly tradition?"
"He's only got four," Remus replied, feeling exempt from being hexed to oblivion by his wife, as their son was in his arms. "And all baby teeth fall out, anyway."
Despite their son being in Remus' arms, Tonks slugged her husband in the shoulder. "That doesn’t mean you've got to help them along by stuffing him full of sweets just because they're not taboo for baby anymore!"
"I've never had a bit of dental trouble in my life," Remus said, "and my dad started me on sweets on--"
"--your first birthday," Ambrosius Flume finished for him, lumbering toward them from the back room of Honeydukes Sweetshop, his apron smeared with chocolate as though he'd been busy making extra fudge for the Hogwarts rush. His large hand was extended to shake Remus', and the other settled lightly on Teddy's back. "Merlin, I'm old. It seems like only yesterday you were toddling after the Chocolate Frogs, Remus, and now here you are with a little sprog of your own."
Ambrosius stepped back to appraise Teddy, who'd grown tired of the bell and was now engaged in his favourite game of trying to wrench Harry's glasses off his face. (Harry had learned at Easter holidays that it was best to cast a Sticking Charm on his spectacles when he put them on in the mornings.)
"Although I think your hair was rather, erm, browner at that age than young Mr. Lupin's here."
Pulling Teddy away from Harry's glasses, secure though they were, Remus kissed his son's shock of turquoise hair and smiled softly at Tonks over the top of the baby's head. "Yes, Teddy's best features come from his mum."
Tonks morphed her hair to match Teddy's, to Ambrosius' delight. "Only Remus is sure the very best feature of all is chocolate addiction. So let's see how far the cub fell from the werewolf, shall we?"
It being a Hogsmeade weekend, Ambrosius had to help Mrs. Flume at the till and keep the shelves stocked as the school children descended on the sweetshop like locusts. But before leaving Remus and Tonks to it, , he invited them to let Teddy sample anything in the shop on him, as a birthday gift. With a wink at Remus, he added, "And I feel I owe you, Remus, for being my best customer over the years."
"Hey!" Harry called after Ambrosius, "Ron and I've been pretty loyal customers, these past few years ourselves!"
"Yes, you'd do your father proud, Harry!" Chuckling, Ambrosius made his way to join his harried-looking wife at the front desk.
"Well," said Remus, grinning at the familiar scene of Honeydukes packed with teenagers dressed in school robes, looking very boyish himself, "where shall we start him off?"
Tonks took Teddy, who was leaning over in Remus' arms and about to dive headlong to the hardwood floor, and set him on his tiny Wiz Martens (black with red laces and vibrant orange and yellow flames on the toes). "I think that should be Teddy's choice, seeing as he's the birthday boy."
As she tugged off his mittens, Teddy let out a shriek and darted toward a cloth-draped table, piled high with packages of Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans. His face a white mask of terror, Remus chased after Teddy and scooped him up again, turning away from the table so that his body shielded Teddy from it.
A temper tantrum ensued. Remus, however, remained steadfast even as Teddy howled in his ear.
"No son of mine's going to eat Bertie Bott's!"
"Why not?" Tonks leant against the table with an open bag as she scooped out a handful of Every Flavoured Beans into her palm. "I thought you just said about Teddy's best features coming from his mum. He is a Metamorphmagus like me, after all, and we do like variety."
"She makes a good point, Remus," Harry said, helping himself to a few of Tonks' beans. "You shouldn't be prejudiced against Bertie Bott's just because you got that vomit-flavoured one last Christmas."
Remus grimaced at the memory. "Is it so wrong to want to protect my son from vomit-flavoured jellybeans?"
"Yes," answered Tonks and Harry in unison.
"I thought we'd been over this overprotective thing," Tonks said, putting a stop to Teddy's tantrum by placing the bag of Beans in his hands.
Rolling his eyes, Remus muttered, "I hadn't realised that applied to sweets."
He cringed as Teddy's four teeth munched laboriously at a jellybean he hoped had a caramel taste to match its colour (but was far more likely to taste like earwax) and the toddler clapped his hands in approval.
"Hey, Teddy, look here!" Harry squatted on the floor, unwrapping a foil-wrapped packet. A brown web-footed shape hopped out, and Teddy lunged in Remus' arms.
"Ah, Harry, I knew you were the perfect choice for Teddy's godfather," Remus said, setting Teddy on the ground and crouching beside him, grateful that Harry had taken pity on him and introduced his son to the confectionary delights of chocolate frogs.
Still clutching his paper sack of Bertie Bott's (glowering and screaming at Remus when he tried to prise it from his chubby fingers), Teddy toddled after the hopping chocolate. Inevitably, running led to Teddy stumbling and falling heavily on his diapered bottom. Unfazed, he swiped at the frog as its leaping course carried it past his hand.
Teddy panted with excitement and looked up at Remus with rapturous blue eyes.
"Yes, Teddy, that's a chocolate frog," Remus said. "Let him hop into your mouth. Like Harry."
Teddy watched as Harry opened his own palm and let a frog make a chocolatey trail up his scarf into his mouth. His motor mimicry not quite up to speed with his morphing, Teddy grinned his four-toothed grin and shoved his frog directly into his mouth.
Remus' look of chocolate ecstasy was not mirrored on Teddy's face.
His button nose scrunched up.
His skin and hair took on a greenish hue.
He gagged.
Then, in what had nothing to do with the Hopping Charm placed on Honeydukes famous amphibian treats, chocolate projected from Teddy's mouth, spraying the front of Remus' black woollen travelling cloak.
Teddy sputtered miserably, dropping his bag of Bertie Bott's as he reached pathetically up for Tonks.
"Oh, Teddy Bear!" Tonks managed to croon sympathetically through her laughter as Teddy burrowed his tear-streaked face into her chest. "Was that chocolate froggie so icky? And you were worried about protecting him from the vomit-flavoured jellybeans?" she said to Remus, who was knelt gawping at the chocolate frog wrappers littering the floor, oblivious to the vomit on his clothes. True, as parents of a baby, vomit was commonplace, but Remus was really and truly in shock.
"My son doesn't like chocolate?" he said, and then looked pleadingly up at Teddy, whom Harry had restored to contentedness by giving him the Bertie Bott's again. "My son...doesn't like...chocolate?" He raked his hands into his thick greying brown hair and tugged at the roots. "What'll he do if he ever has a run-in with Dementors?"
"He'll just have to learn to cast a Patronus Charm," Tonks said, wryly.
Harry patted Remus on the shoulder. "Good job his dad's an experienced DADA teacher."
This was little consolation to Remus, who was looking at Teddy in disbelief as he stuffed his mouth with Every Flavour Beans. "Maybe it's only chocolate frogs he doesn't like. He certainly seems to be enjoying those chocolate Bertie Bott's."
Harry exchanged a brief glance with Tonks before saying, "Then you probably don't want me to tell you those aren't chocolate-flavoured Bertie Bott's, do you?"
Remus blinked. Then he covered his face in his hands and made a deranged sound of distress in his throat.
But when Tonks cried, "Oh, bugger!" and the expletive was closely followed by the sound of hundreds of Every Flavour Beans pelting the floor like nasty hailstones, and then a wail from Teddy, Remus uncovered his face to see his pink-haired wife tilting their son's now mousy-brown head backward and attempting to shove her finger into Teddy's nostril.
"Dear God!" Remus scrabbled to his feet. "I told you we shouldn't have given him Bertie Bott's! He's barely a year old!"
"Shut up, Remus," Tonks snapped. She pulled her finger away from Teddy's nose. "Crap, my finger's too big to get up his nose."
"Can't you morph it skinnier?" Harry suggested, helpfully.
Grasping Teddy's chin to hold his writhing face still, Remus peered into the dark cavern of Teddy's nose.
"It's lodged pretty far up. I'm afraid you'll hurt him if you try to go fishing in there. Look the poor thing's eye's swollen up. It must be in his nasal cavity." He sighed. "Can't Teddy morph his nostril wider, so the bean will simply fall out?"
"He's a baby," said Tonks, close to tears. "He doesn't have that sort of control. Oh, we're crap parents! We'd better get him to St. Mung--oh!"
For at that moment, Teddy's small, roly-poly body had snapped forward in her arms, letting out a tremendous, "A-CHOO!"
Remus' grandfather had told him once that a sneeze came out of you’re a person's body at the speed of the Hogwarts Express. Now he believed it. In Teddy's case, the locomotive force had been enough to shoot the jellybean from the small boy's nose.
"Was that a sneeze," asked Harry, "or was Teddy's first word Accio?"
Remus and Tonks looked at one another as Tonks let the now happy but wriggling Teddy down from her arms.
"I'm sure it didn't sound quite like a sneeze!" A grin split Remus' face, Teddy's dislike of chocolate forgotten in spite of the fact that Remus was wearing the regurgitated proof of it on his cloak. His chest puffed as he slung an arm around Tonks' shoulders. "How about that, Dora? Teddy's first word was a spell! He did wandless magic! I said the day he was born we had a great wizard in the making!"
Tonks, however, watching the scene through eyes not dazed by paternal pride, saw Teddy crouch and pick up the bean he'd dislodged from his nose and pop it into his mouth. "Apparently what our little wizard's great at making is bogey-flavoured Bertie Bott's."
Remus' smile fell. "I did say he got all his worst features from his mum, didn't I?"
Quickly, he scooped up Teddy, Bertie Bott's and all, and held him out in front of himself as a shield against his wife's hex to oblivion.
The End