(no subject)

[freakinwinky]

Title: A Dream for the hopeless
Author: freakinwinky
Word Count:3,538 (and you wonder why it's so late!)
Prompts: Location:The Burrow, Thing: "There's no need to call me 'sir' Professor" Time: A day of dreams comming true Genre: Romance
Raiting: T for mild sexual implications
Summarry: After a difficult day, Remus attempts to comfort Tonks without allowing his own desires to run away with him.
Author's note: Yes. I know this is a bit late. It took a long time to write. I've revised it several times now and I'm stil not sure how I feel about it so, con-crit is much appreciated.



The dreams were getting worse.

Remus Lupin had done everything he could think of to combat them short of taking a dreamless sleep potion, (which were ridiculously expensive and required the recommendation of a healer to obtain). He drank chamomile tea which always helped to calm his nerves; he refrained from eating anything at all in the late evenings. He scratched together the little money he had, bought a second hand edition of “A Wizard’s Guide to Lucid Dreaming” and repeatedly willed himself to dream of something dull and completely average: like being eaten alive by a pair of battered oxfords. It never did him any good.

The dreams still came. They were all slightly different, they nearly always had a different mood or air about them, but they always featured her.

It was strange, odd, and all together unexplainable, yet the fact remained: Nymphadora Tonks had been the single most constant figure in his night time ponderings since the summer.

They began in July. Lupin remembered the exact moment that seemed to have spurred them. She had tripped, once again, over a protruding Troll foot umbrella stand. He caught her hand a moment before she tumbled to the ground.

She turned and looked into his eyes before she said: “Thanks. I’ve a feeling that’s going to happen quite a bit in this house so…be prepared.”

He supposed it was the look that had caused it. That night he had his first dream of her. He had thought nothing of it then…but now, nearly five months latter…they were getting out of hand.

The dreams, different as they were, nearly always began in the same manner. He and Tonks were always seated at the kitchen table inside the Burrow. She looked troubled about something; he reached over and took her hand as a sign of comfort; their eyes met.

It was at this point that the dreams took on different forms. In his whimsical and light dreams, Tonks would hold his hand as the kitchen table and the Burrow it’s self floated away, leaving both of them flying through a sea of stars and planets. They would twirl and float and laugh; discussing topics, which he could never remember when he woke up, while gliding effortlessly through the night sky. He always woke from these dreams laughing.

In other dreams, when they met each other’s gaze across the table, the Burrow would again fade and the next moment he was standing in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place. He was always surprised to find Tonks splayed out above the covers of his bed, wearing nothing but an incredibly seductive grin. Before he could stop himself, he was lying on the bed beside her; touching her soft skin, kissing her lips and every other part of her body within reach.

He awoke from these dreams with a throbbing ache, in urgent need of a cold shower.

Other dreams he had were not nearly so pleasant. Some nights he would see the full moon from the window of the Burrow’s kitchen, feel the familiar twist of transformation come upon him and hear her high pitched scream before waking up in a cold sweat.

Most nights a strange, surreal, frightening mixture of all these overtook him with such intensity that the dreams had begun to consume him in his waking hours.

He could not look at the night sky objectively any longer. When his eyes absently flitted out the window of his office at Grimmauld place, he was immediately bombarded with either fantasies of laughter and flight or blood spilling the ground under a threatening moon.

He could no longer stay in a room with her and not feel the strange desire to touch her hand and fly away, or to kiss her full waiting lips, or to scream out a useless warning telling her that he would hurt her; that he was dangerous.

And spending the night in the Burrow’s spare bedroom was not helping matters in the least

He had originally hesitated in accepting the invitation for dinner extended by Molly the previous day.

After all, the dreams began in the Burrow, the place would no doubt conjure up said images and would only serve to make the dreams that much more vivid when he went to sleep that night.

However, try as he might, he could not seem to think up a valid excuse that would appease the Weasely matriarch, who was insistent that he appeared “far too thin to be allowed”.

"Really Remus, I don't know what the two of you have been eating but judging by the way you look lately, I wouldn't be surprised if I found nothing stored in those cupboards but two boxes of cereal."

He had to admit that the bachelor cuisine he and Sirius had grown accustomed to in past months made him long for the Weasley's time at Number twelve. And he could not deny that, only two days after full moon, he was desperate for a decent meal.

So,inevitably Remus Lupin gave into a dinner spent at the Burrow eating shepard’s pie.

"I can't thank you enough for comming this evening," Aurthur told him conspiratoraly as Molly went into the kitchen to re-fill his plate with yet another helping of pie.

"...With the children gone and Bill and I working so much...I think she's missed having something to do durring the day."

"I can understand that." Remus answered.

"Of course she was hoping for more people," Bill cut in, washing down a bite of his steamed carrots with a sip of red wine.

"He invited Tonks and Kingsley as well, but they couldn't make it. Auror scheduals."

Remus's face, of it's own accord seemed to have grown rather warm at Bill's pronouncment.

"Really?" Remus asked attempting to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Yeah, you know mum. The more people she can fret over the better," Bill smiled at him from across the table, Remus did his best to smile back but was not certain his facial muscles had managed it. Bill did not seem to have noticed.

Remus found himself thinking that this was the first time he had ever felt a rush of gratitude towards the ministry and it's stringent schedualing policies. This releived feeling evaporated however when Molly re-entered the room and insisted that he stay the night.

Remus began to protest but after taking one look at Bill and Aurthur, both of whom seemed to be silently pleading with him, he found he had not the heart to turn down the offer.

Molly showed him up the stairs to the guest room in the attic, all the while promising to return with him to Grimmauld place the following morning to ensure that he and Sirius had a “proper meal for once”.

Now, here he was, lying in the Burrow’s attic bedroom trying desperately not to fall asleep.

He did not think that he could bear to have one more nightmare involving Tonks lying dead on the ground fatally wounded by his alter ego. Even the seemingly innocent flights through the night sky, or heady erotic dreams had become dangerous

They inspired a kind of obsessive hope and longing for a love he knew could never be. He knew the sights, sounds, even smells of the burrow would enhance any or all of these dream images, making them even more tantalizing and unreachable.

He could not allow himself to sleep.

Finally, after a long period of pondering the matter, Remus decided that a midnight tea run was the best chance of calming his thoughts. Yes, some nice, highly caffeinated tea provided the best opportunity to stay safely awake through the night.

Taking his wand, and muttering the lumos spell to light his way, Remus left the spare bedroom and began the climb down the stairs into the kitchen; only to find that the light in the kitchen was already glowing brightly.

Remus stopped dead in his tracks. He heard the shuffling of feet behind the kitchen door.

Perhaps one of the Weasleys’ had also decided that a mid night snack was in order? Possible, but some how unlikely.

As he neared the door, he held his wand at the ready, preparing himself for whatever awaited him on the other side.

Suddenly he heard the very distinct sound of wood falling against a tile floor followed by a very distinct voice:

“Bugger!” it proclaimed in a rather loud whisper.

Remus’ heart seemed to have lodged in his throat as he, against his better judgment, pushed open the kitchen door.

“Tonks?”

Nymphadora Tonks jumped at Remus’ voice and once again dropped the chair she seemed to be in the process of righting.

“Remus! What’re you doing here?”

She sounded breathless as she turned to greet him, with her usual smile, which tonight, seemed a tad bit forced.

“Molly invited me for dinner and then insisted that I stay the night in the spare bed room. She seems to be fretting over my eating habbits."

“Funny, she says the same thing about me. Says the ministry’s stretching us much too thin.”

Tonks reached down to pick the wooden chair up from the floor as Remus moved to help her.

“So I’ve been told.”

As they each grasped a side of the chair Remus could not help but notice their hands were rather close together. So close in fact that if he moved his just a touch to the left…

In order to keep his thoughts from straying further down this road, he quickly took both his hands from the chair and stepped away.

“Thanks,” she muttered sounding, for lack of a better word, disappointed. Remus barely had time to ponder this when he looked into her eyes and that spark was there again. This, he knew was the same look she had given him in July. The same light in her eyes which had sparked the dreams.

He had no doubt that this look would spur his dreams on to new heights after this night.

He most certainly could not allow himself to fall asleep after this.

They stood in complete silence for a few moments. He knew, if he was not to reveal himself to her, he must break it.

Before he could say a word however, Tonks spoke

“Molly said something about pudding. Do you know if there’s any left over?” Tonks was now beginning to rummage in the kitchen cupboards knocking down several cups and dish rags as she did so.

“I’m almost certain she put it in the top cupboard,” Remus answered picking up a plastic glass from the floor and setting it on the counter.

“Aha!”

He watched as Tonks stood on her tip-toes and leaned into the cupboard.

“Chocolate. Perfect!”

“So would I be right in assuming that Molly’s pudding was what lured you here so late…or I suppose I should say early?” He added remembering the time.

“Yeah, well sort of. I was actually hoping that Molly would still be up. But I guess that’s a bit silly isn’t it?”

She took the bowl of pudding and slumped down in the chair at the head of the table.

“Hoping she’d reheat leftovers?”

“Not exactly I just…fancied a bit of a chat. Too depressed to spend the night alone in my flat. I thought of going to Grimmauld actually but the mood Sirius’ in lately…”

“Not exactly conducive to cheering up is he?”

She smiled up at him apologetically. He forced away the dream memory of her on his bed wearing nearly the same smile as she stroked the side of his face.

“Not an easy day?” He asked.

“Ugh,” was her only response as she began shoveling down large amounts of pudding.

“That bad?”

“You have no idea.”

She slumped back in her chair and began rubbing her temples. She did indeed look incredibly fatigued. Her the twinkle in her eyes, though still undeniably present, seemed to have dimmed since he first met her. Her face was pale and drawn and no matter how often she morphed her face, she could not hide the dark circles protruding from beneath her eyes.

“Stupid bloody ministry!” She cried out suddenly and to no one in particular.

“That epithet seems to be going around quite a bit lately.”

“I don’t think I can take it any more. I really don’t,” She put her head in her hands.

As he sat down in the chair next to hers, despite the assurance that his dreams would continue after this night, despite the fact that his conscience was screaming at him to get away from her while he still had the chance, he could not quench the urge to comfort her.

“Care to tell me what happened? I know I’m not exactly Molly but…”

“No. No it’s fine…”

She took a breath, seemingly to calm herself and continued.

“This morning Daryl and I…”

“Daryl?” Remus asked before he could stop himself. Was this a problem with an office romance gone awry? Was that why Tonks had been so eager to talk to Molly?

A knot seemed to have formed in Remus’ stomach as he urged his subconscious not to become overtly jealous.

“Daryl’s the auror I’ve been partnered with for about two weeks now.”

Remus nodded his understanding as the knot in his stomach loosened.

“Anyway… we got called in this morning to stake out this pub in exception alley. Apparently there’s been a lot of funny activity going on down there. Patrons coming out with glazed looks. Delivering strange packages to shops in knockturn ally without any prompting, visiting people whom they had no ties to before…”

“Imperius curse?”

“That’s what Scrimgeour thought 's why he sent us. Then, just as we thought we had a victim…he came out with a strange package…that glazed look in his eyes, the whole bit, Scrimgeour contacted us again to call us off. Seems the entire pub had been vouched for by a “trustworthy citizen”. Three guesses who.”

“Malfoy.” Tonks pulled her face into an uncharacteristically ugly expression.

“Bastard,” she muttered.

“Well, I’m more than inclined to agree with you there.”

She gave a humorless smile and snorted.

“Oh but the fun doesn’t end there. I thought that maybe if I talked to Scrimgeour privately, he might allow me to keep an eye on the pub you know…off the books. He’s been doing that quite a bit you know? Allowing Auror’s to keep tabs on suspicious people on their off time.”

Remus could not say that this information surprised him. Fudge may have been blind, but Scrimgeour was not nearly as willfully ignorant as he would like people to believe.

“Apparently, Fudge’s tightening down on the auror department more than I realized. He got very short with me like he’s never done before. He told me my priorities were out of order and that if I was interested in keeping my position in the department I would learn when to keep my mouth shut.”

It was moments like this which made him realize how much he truly detested the Ministry of Magic. He felt the compulsion to take her hand but managed to reign himself in. Tonks continued.

“Even with everything I’ve seen in the last year in the ministry. All the scandals and cover ups and hypocrisy I’ve never been nearly as angry as I was today. So I…”

She turned her eyes to the floor, Remus could see her face turning a familiar shade of pink.

“What happened?” he asked instinctively.

“He…he asked me if I understood. I, very reluctantly said yes. He told me to call him sir. And I said…”

She bit her lip as though it were painful for her to repeat.

“I said…there’s no need to call me ‘sir’.” She hid her face in her hands. Remus in spite of himself, bit back a smile. Tonks could always be counted on to speak her mind and damn the consequences.

“I was…angry and frustrated and I must have lost my mind…needless to say now I’m on probation which means there’ll be this Umbridgesque watch dog tailing me twenty-four seven.”

Once again, he felt the urge to touch her hand. He had a feeling she would have welcomed the opportunity to fly away from her life, to twirl among stars and leave the ‘Stupid bloody ministry’ and everything that went with it behind her.

He clutched the edge of the table to keep himself under control.

“I’m sorry Tonks,” He said; though this response seemed indescribably inadequate.

“I’m just…I’m not cut out for this Remus!”

She seemed on the verge of tears now.

“How do you mean…?”

“I’m mean this whole double life! I can’t just pretend to be someone I’m not! I’ve never felt like I had to hide myself before now. I know that seems strange with me being a metamorphmagus and everything…”

“No. I understand completely. It is very stressful. We’re all making due the best we can.”

“Are we? Because quite honestly it feels as if we’re swimming upstream, all of us! We’re fighting Voldemort on one end, the ministry on the other and between the two of them…tell me the truth Remus, are things really getting better. Or are we just beating our heads against a brick wall?”

She forcefully wiped away two tears of frustration which fell across her cheek only to give room for other tears. Remus was reminded, perhaps for the first time that night how very young she was.

This thought made him feel incredibly lecherous for his desire to wrap her in his arms and kiss away everyone of the tears which fell across her pale skin.

“Tonks. No one said it would be easy. And believe me, I know how frustrating it can be trying to live two lives at once, but it will not be this way forever. We just have to hold on a little longer. The ministry can’t close it’s eyes to the truth.”

“I know,” She answered with a sniff, seemingly resigned “And I’m sorry about…you know. I certainly didn’t mean to get into all of that. I didn’t even offer you a bite of pudding for your trouble.”

She gave a very shaky laugh, he smiled at her.

“Perfectly all right really. Though I wouldn’t mind a bite of that pudding.”

She pushed the bowl towards him, and he scrapped what little pudding was left in the bowl onto the spoon. Even as he swallowed he could feel Tonks’s eyes locked steadfastly on him.

“Thank you,” she said abruptly and quietly. “For, you know…everything. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

At the sound of her, semi-confession Remus felt the compulsion come on more strongly than ever. This urge, desire was so frightening in its intensity, that he could no longer keep it at bay.

‘This is not a dream.’ He told himself ‘what harm could it possibly do?’

So, without further thought and with, what he hoped to be an encouraging smile, Remus reached over and covered Tonks’ hand with his own.

Their eyes met.

“Remus…” his name came out in a whisper on her lips. Remus reminded himself to breath as she brought her free hand to cup the side of his face. Remus felt his entire body freeze as she gingerly closed the gap between them with her lips.

This was another dream, it had to be. For, all at once he felt as though he had left the Burrow’s kitchen behind and was flying and twirling deftly through the night sky.

As he opened his mouth to welcome her, he was certain that when he opened his eyes the both of them would be in his bed where he could allow his hands to skip across her skin unimpeded.

But then, if this was a dream…the moon would rise. Suddenly he could see her in his minds eye. Her body was splayed out across the kitchen floor, blood running from her neck, her dark eyes open and empty…

“No,” he heard himself whisper as he pushed her away. She looked at him confused, he stood up and ran his hands through his hair. How could he have allowed himself to…

“I’m sorry,” he heard her say tentatively. “I…I shouldn’t have.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Why could he not keep himself in check? Why could the simple presence of her friendship not be enough for him?

“No. No! Just because I had a hard day doesn’t mean I had any right to force myself on you if you didn’t want…”

“No Tonks. It isn’t that.”

“Then why did you pull away?”

How could she have asked him that? Did she not realize what would happen to her; what he could do to her if…?

“Tonks, you do realize…what I am.”

“What has that to do with anything?”

“It’s everything Tonks. The very last thing I want is to see you hurt.”

“I’m a big girl Remus. I can look after myself.”

A big girl? Did she not realize what a transformed werewolf was? What it could do? He had known werewolves to tear grown men, twice her size and strength, to pieces!

“I would rather not take that chance. Besides that,I’m more than 10 years your senior, not to mention unemployed and…”

When he next looked at her he was surprised to find that she was smiling at him. He was again reminded of her smile in the more erotic dreams. The image rendered him speechless as Tonks rose from her chair and moved closer to him.

“Well Remus,” she said reasonably. “It seems to me that we have two options. We could stand here arguing until the sun comes up or…you could kiss me again.”

She stepped closer to him so that their faces were mere inches apart.

“Tonks…” he said wearily.

“’s just a kiss, Remus.”

Her breath was warm across his face, he could smell her perfume made up of rosewood, lilies and cherry blossoms. He was in no position to refuse her.

And so, without a second thought, he closed the space between them and kissed her.

He was once again flying and falling and feeling sensations he never thought were possible. This beautiful, spirited, miracle of a woman had some how wound her way into his heart, easing all fear.

He loved her. He could never hurt her.

And so it was that as the sun began to peek through the window of the Burrow’s spare bedroom that morning, Remus Lupin pressed a kiss to Nymphadora Tonks’ sleeping form and began to fall into a peaceful, dreamless, sleep.