Ravens In My Mind by bratty_jedi

[bratty_jedi]

Title: Ravens In My Mind
Author: bratty_jedi
Rating & Warnings: Suitable for all audiences
Prompts: Day of Adversity, Raven, Drama, Location 40 (I think I got them all as long as metaphorically counts!)
Word Count: c. 1,500 words
Summary: Nothing exists beyond this white path that has no beginning or end. If I can stay on in it, I won’t have to think about

Comments

[katyscarlett76]

Oh, it's so dark and awful (in a good way I mean, in that it's well written not bad, if that makes sense, I suppose what I mean is his experience and thoughts are awful and the descriptions really bring that across, ok I'll shut up now!), but also I just really wanna shake him. Stupid, stupid man!

[bratty_jedi]

I understand what you mean by "awful" and am choosing to take it as a compliment so thanks much. He is rather annoying with his pigheadedness isn't he?

[lady_bracknell]

Oh, I loved the last line! I really liked the way you mixed flashbacks in here with that flash forward to what Remus imagines will be the truth if he stays with Tonks - it's a really neat way of showing why he acts how he does, I think, because to him he's not being irrational or a coward, this is truly what he believes.

Nicely done :D.

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks! I'm glad the flashbacks and possible falshforwards worked for you and helped to explain his interesting behavior in DH.

[gilpin25]

I thought you did this very well, interspersing the flashbacks/memeories like literal birds pecking at his troubled mind, (I don't know if you're aware but ravens are not considered lucky birds here, so it's very appropriate to use that image for them). I also like that it's quite clear that Remus literally can't see any other way, which is why he's so shocked by the charge of cowardice and it seems so unjust to him.

I think the flashback scenes you invented - meeting Tonks' parents, rooting in bins etc - possibly have more of an effect on me than the one quoting lines from chaper 11 (You can thank me for that as you went to such trouble to get them;)) and help explain his state of mind far more. Perhaps it's because they're all fresh and new to me so I'm not reading them with preconceived ideas of my own from the book?

I felt as if this got gradually more powerful as it went on and the ending is excellent. I really like that last line too. :)

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks! I'm still tryng to figure out exactly what he's thinking in the first part of DH. Harry's explanation of it doesn't work for me at all. I'm lad this little bit of fleshing-out Remus' view on it resonates with you and heps it make a bit more sense.

I like powerful endings so I'm quite pleased to hear you think I managed one.

[oneandonlysusan]

I really liked this.

Even the false ones could become real if I let them. I have already attacked Harry and I am capable of much worse.

That's a really good interpretation of Remus' thoughts throughout all of this. It's very true to his character. Your entire piece was, of course, but I really enjoyed that line especially.

Also liked the last line...It really ties the story together.

Really good job.

[bratty_jedi]

I'm very pleased to ehar yo think this makes sense for DH Remus. His behavior there is so erratic trying to get in his head and figure out what's going on it proving rather difficult.

Thanks!

[shimotsuki]

What a great use of the "raven" prompt. And poor Remus, with those kinds of dark thoughts haunting him. If these are the kinds of things he's been thinking, it's no wonder he's convinced himself that Tonks and the baby will be better off without him. I especially liked the way the memories and the fears of the future seem to appear in his mind the same way, feeling equally real.

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks! As I mentioned in my note, there is quite a bit here that is a departure for me: the metaphorical use of the prompt; the high level of angst; the internal thought process and first person POV, etc. I'm happy to know it all works for you and is convincing.