reality check

[metalrulzx]

I have had a slap in the face on reality. Meaghan has told me, that I wasn't good enough, and I was going to end up in jail. That hurt. Then, she wrote me a song, and told me how much she cares. I feel the same way. I really do care about you. Then, today, I got in a huge fight with my parents. My dad, almost hit me with a chair, then he picked me up by the neck, threw me down, yelling at me, and then slapped me. I felt that I had done the most horrible thing in the world. I can't even look at him. I know I'm making this out to be all their fault, but it wasn't. I had something to with it also. I feel really horrible. I really do. I have put my family through a lot. I don't think my medications work anymore. I just need to get out of this pit I'm in. I need out. Someone help me. Please. I'm in pain. I have taken a really good look at how I am, and I really need help.

*Meaghan*
I'm so sorry for everything. I really am. Though it may seem that I don't care about you, I really do. I can't show emotions other than hate very well. I'm so sorry. I love you, and I hate it what you say sometimes. It does hurt. But, I need you to help me with what I'm caught up in right now. I need out, but this cycle of drugs has got me. It's too hard. My life is too complicated. It's so hard just to get up in the morning, and want to go on. Sometimes, I just think up these tragic deaths that may happen, just to get me out of what I got myself into. But, I won't do it. I may not be afraid of death, but I don't want it to look like I just gave up. I need to get everything I can get from life. Help me, please? Can you try to be home more? I love you