fuck.
i don't think i've ever felt so dead and so empty inside.
i woke up this morning about 6:30 and reality hit me like a fucking brick in the face and i cryed and fell back to sleep. this cycle repeated itself about 5 times untill i could eventually wake up and not cry anymore. i put on a sweat shirt and some jeans and my glasses and just drove for a while.
this is all fucking killing me. and i don't understand why you don't seem to care. or how you could say some of the things you said. and how this doesn't bother you at all. i miss you so much. and i hope you do think about all of this, eventually. cause i'll be here. i know i shouldn't have worryed so much, and i know that i should've given you space, and i'm so sorry that i didn't always realize when i was violating that space, and i fucking hate myself for not. you have to talk about stuff sometimes clinton, because i can't always see things the way you do. i love you baby. and i miss you more than i could ever possibly begin to describe to you in words.
i don't know what else to say. and i feel like a pathetic fucking 12 year old. this pain is indescribable.
i keep telling my self, fooling myself rather, that this isn't real. that it didn't really happen and you are going to come back and tell me you love me and stuff.
i dunno.
i'm a fucking idiot.
appologies.
i woke up this morning about 6:30 and reality hit me like a fucking brick in the face and i cryed and fell back to sleep. this cycle repeated itself about 5 times untill i could eventually wake up and not cry anymore. i put on a sweat shirt and some jeans and my glasses and just drove for a while.
this is all fucking killing me. and i don't understand why you don't seem to care. or how you could say some of the things you said. and how this doesn't bother you at all. i miss you so much. and i hope you do think about all of this, eventually. cause i'll be here. i know i shouldn't have worryed so much, and i know that i should've given you space, and i'm so sorry that i didn't always realize when i was violating that space, and i fucking hate myself for not. you have to talk about stuff sometimes clinton, because i can't always see things the way you do. i love you baby. and i miss you more than i could ever possibly begin to describe to you in words.
i don't know what else to say. and i feel like a pathetic fucking 12 year old. this pain is indescribable.
i keep telling my self, fooling myself rather, that this isn't real. that it didn't really happen and you are going to come back and tell me you love me and stuff.
i dunno.
i'm a fucking idiot.
appologies.