The Madness Must Be Stopped!
Obviously, to most of my friends and others who have had casual contact with me, I'm a fairly apathetic individual... I do not, for the most part, keep up with current events, watch the news, know the latest thing Bill O'Reilly is bitching about, etc... but the time has come to stand up and demand change... We, as a nation, need to step up and reclaim our country from the tyrannical forces that have held it captive for far too long... you know who I'm talking about: SUBURBAN TEENAGE GIRLS! That's right, these 13-18-year old giggling twats have ruled our pop culture landscape for far too long, unleashing upon us such untalented abominations as Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Hillary Duff, and, possibly worst of all, Ashlee Simpson... It's our right-nay, our responsibility!- to take back our movies, music, and television shows from these Disney Channel-fed purveyors of bad taste. It's time we stood up to these over-impressionable advertising magnets that have all but ruined entertainment as we know it. As rational adults, it is time to make a stand, damn it! Before they unleash upon us yet another monster of Hiltonian proportions. Block the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon from your cable/and/or satellite channels. Take away their babysitting money and donate it to charity. Ban them from the malls! Cut off their cell phones so they can't vote on American Idol! These might sound like extreme measures to some, but I am only thinking of the greater good here.
Yes, the whole teeny-bopper bubble-gum pop thing was kinda cute in the late '90s... but when we gave them that inch, they took a mile. From harmless acts such as the Spice Girls and Hanson came the evil known as the Backstreet Boys and *N'Sync, and it was all downhill from there. Boy bands, girl bands, all culminating in the most evil (and untalented) heathen of them all: Britney Spears. Yes, this piece of white trash, with room-temperature-I.Q. in tow, totally turned all teenage girls completely retarded, hence all the garbage that the rest of us sane members of the human race have had to endure ever since. The Lohans, Simpsons, Duffs, Hiltons, and Olsens of the world can be traced back to the retardation of America starting in the late '90s... But it's not too late to claim back our country from these evil mall creatures.
So I say stop these little godless heathens from completely destroying life as we know it. "Now you will receive us! We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry... we do not want your tired or sick... it is your corrupt we claim! It is your evil that will be sought by us! With every breath, we shall hunt them down..." Good movies, music, and television shows should and will return to our pop culture... "These are principles that every man of every faith can embrace!" Viva la Revolucion!!! (quotes taken from The Boondock Saints... if you don't like that movie, you ain't poo)
Yes, the whole teeny-bopper bubble-gum pop thing was kinda cute in the late '90s... but when we gave them that inch, they took a mile. From harmless acts such as the Spice Girls and Hanson came the evil known as the Backstreet Boys and *N'Sync, and it was all downhill from there. Boy bands, girl bands, all culminating in the most evil (and untalented) heathen of them all: Britney Spears. Yes, this piece of white trash, with room-temperature-I.Q. in tow, totally turned all teenage girls completely retarded, hence all the garbage that the rest of us sane members of the human race have had to endure ever since. The Lohans, Simpsons, Duffs, Hiltons, and Olsens of the world can be traced back to the retardation of America starting in the late '90s... But it's not too late to claim back our country from these evil mall creatures.
So I say stop these little godless heathens from completely destroying life as we know it. "Now you will receive us! We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry... we do not want your tired or sick... it is your corrupt we claim! It is your evil that will be sought by us! With every breath, we shall hunt them down..." Good movies, music, and television shows should and will return to our pop culture... "These are principles that every man of every faith can embrace!" Viva la Revolucion!!! (quotes taken from The Boondock Saints... if you don't like that movie, you ain't poo)