Consequentialism?

[metallicblue]

"Today we work hard to find our way." I can't decide if the overscheduled, sleep-deprived, mentally straining lifestyle we so often choose (or somehow end up with) for ourselves is truly justified by the success it earns. To me it sometimes seems like we're throwing away our time, health and sanity for some bullshit results that are always "next year in college" or "out in the real world." In the mean time we become GPA-obsessed, stress induced freaks so that maybe one day we'll be the CEO of our own company or be selected for a prestigious graduate school program or get our dream job. We idealize our dreams as if we know they will make us happy...but what if they don't? So you spent the first 25 years of your life or so busting ass for a distant possibility. We become so caught up in wanting things that we forget why we wanted them in the first place. It becomes instead an obstacle that you create for yourself, like okay, if I can do this then I must be worth something; all the work has paid off. I guess it's good to set goals for yourself and yeah you get a sense of self-motivation, but I feel like somewhere in all that the genuine desires get lost. Sometime during senior year I subconsciously decided JMU is my ultimate college of choice. But what if I go there and absolutely hate it? What if University of South Dakota is actually a Julia utopia? I guess I won't ever know, and I don't actually think this entry has a point...I'm just confused by the fact that I know a senior in high school with a "12 year plan." I think I'd rather let life happen to me then try and micro-mangage or pre-determine it.

In related news, I have a really good feeling that the worst of senior year is over. These next few months (Spring break, chorus spring trip, senior prom, GRADUATION, beach week, Europe?) are all going to be so fun. All the college apps are mailed and overwith, and all I have to do is go on auto-pilot for one more damned semester and hope for the best.