Robin Williams Live on HBO quotes
Here's my idea for a sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole. "Like pool" Fuck off pool, not with a straight stick, with a little fucked up stick. I whack a ball its goes in a gopher hole. "Oh you mean like croquet?" "Fuck croquet. I put the hole hundreds of yards away. Oh fuck of ya, "Oh like a bowling thing?" "Not straight I put shit in the way. Like trees and bushes and high grass. So you can lose you fucking ball. And go hacking away with a fucking tire iron. Whacking away, and each time you miss you feel like you'll have a stroke. Fuck that's what we'll call it, a stroke, cause each time you miss you feel like you're going to die. Oh great, oh and here's the better part this is brilliant. Right near the end I'll put a little flat piece with a little flag to give you fucking hope. But then I'll put a little pool and a sand box to fuck with your ball again. Ay, you'll be there cracking you ass, jacking away in the sand, "oh and you do this one time?" "Fuck no. 18 fucking times."
An Arab in Utah is like an albino at the Apollo. You would notice!
You're 50! And can they make a drug to help you through all of that, to keep all of your organs intact until your golden years? No. Can they make a drug to give you mental clarity to your golden time? No. They've got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra!
And then we drop BOMBS... food... FOOD... bombs... and, here's the fun part: some of the bombs were little yellow bombs... and the food packages were little yellow packages. So now you're playing "Survivor: The Real Game."
On the Irish]
Robin Williams: Not only will you kick my ass, but you'll sing about it, afterwards. "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat."
[On "The Luge," a winter sport]
Robin Williams: What drunken, German gynecologist invented this sport? What guy went, "I want to dress like a sperm, shove an ice skate up my ass, and ride balls first down an ice chute. Ya. That would be fun." ?
Instead of on the dollar bill, instead of "in God we trust", "in Gates we trust." Mr Gates, when did you realize you were creating a monopoly? "Monopoly's just a game, Senator... I'm trying to control the fucking world. Right now it's Information Technology. Soon it will be Total Information Technology: TIT. And while you're sucking on the TIT, I have you by the motherboard!"
Is it me, or are cat's drag queens? I think they are. It's the way they go, 'Who loves Kitty?' *waves ass at screen* 'Who loves Kitty?' 'Are these your shoes' *blech*.
Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"
And that night, he said, "One of you shall betray me." And Peter said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him and said, "No, it is not you Peter." And Simon said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus said, "No, it is not you Simon." And Judas asked, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him, and said,
Robin Williams: [Jesus with heavy sarcasm] *"Is it me, Jesus?"* And now you see two traditions beginning: Jewish sarcasm and Gentile humor. Together born! At that main moment!
An Arab in Utah is like an albino at the Apollo. You would notice!
You're 50! And can they make a drug to help you through all of that, to keep all of your organs intact until your golden years? No. Can they make a drug to give you mental clarity to your golden time? No. They've got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra!
And then we drop BOMBS... food... FOOD... bombs... and, here's the fun part: some of the bombs were little yellow bombs... and the food packages were little yellow packages. So now you're playing "Survivor: The Real Game."
On the Irish]
Robin Williams: Not only will you kick my ass, but you'll sing about it, afterwards. "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat."
[On "The Luge," a winter sport]
Robin Williams: What drunken, German gynecologist invented this sport? What guy went, "I want to dress like a sperm, shove an ice skate up my ass, and ride balls first down an ice chute. Ya. That would be fun." ?
Instead of on the dollar bill, instead of "in God we trust", "in Gates we trust." Mr Gates, when did you realize you were creating a monopoly? "Monopoly's just a game, Senator... I'm trying to control the fucking world. Right now it's Information Technology. Soon it will be Total Information Technology: TIT. And while you're sucking on the TIT, I have you by the motherboard!"
Is it me, or are cat's drag queens? I think they are. It's the way they go, 'Who loves Kitty?' *waves ass at screen* 'Who loves Kitty?' 'Are these your shoes' *blech*.
Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"
And that night, he said, "One of you shall betray me." And Peter said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him and said, "No, it is not you Peter." And Simon said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus said, "No, it is not you Simon." And Judas asked, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him, and said,
Robin Williams: [Jesus with heavy sarcasm] *"Is it me, Jesus?"* And now you see two traditions beginning: Jewish sarcasm and Gentile humor. Together born! At that main moment!