life is interesting sometimes....
...as well as the people in it.
so I havn't posted since the beginning of senior project. Just another obstical I have overcome which I doubted myself on. I didnt get the grade I wanted but I still passed, and in the end it was all that mattered. My life seems to keep moving forward and changing faster than I wanted. I miss having a place in Havertown to call home. I feel guilty not taking the offer up that some have given me on staying with them, but I don't believe anyone understands what goes through my head. I could try and explain, but it seems no one understands me even when i do. Lets see, what else do I miss. Worrying about little stuff, now that I have big stuff to worry about I don't even flinch when the little stuff comes my way. I'm worried for many reasons, and I am upset about a whole lot. I have come to realize this summer that people can lie through there teeth and not feel guilty one bit. And that smile they give you, or that high pitch in their voice, it's all just a ploy to make you give in. And people like me will give in, and they know it. I feel like I am being forced to do many things and nothign all at the same time. i am confused about many people...including relationships, friends, and family. I hate living here at my aunts, not only because it is far away and it is too small, but because I feel like it is tearing my family apart. My sister and mom yell almost everyday and there is nothing I can do. I am always in one of my "moods" as my mom puts it, and all we do is fight. I am usually the one who doesnt bother to speak my opinion. I always do what is best for everyone and what will make peace, but it eats away at me. I don't believe things will be getting better, at least not anytime soon. Every single time someone says "things will get better" they only EVER end up getting worse, and that is no lie. The feelings for people I hold inside must be put out on the table soon, for fear I will lose all bearing and explode with all my emotions and hurt everyone I surround. I believe that if I overcame obsticals in the past, i can overcome the ones in the future, but only if I can keep control of myself. As of now I feel numb when i am happy, and crazy when I am sad. I don't know when i will ever feel normal again, probably when I find that feeling of home.
Well Live Journal, it was nice chatting...i believe my uncle needs the computer now.
-Steph-
so I havn't posted since the beginning of senior project. Just another obstical I have overcome which I doubted myself on. I didnt get the grade I wanted but I still passed, and in the end it was all that mattered. My life seems to keep moving forward and changing faster than I wanted. I miss having a place in Havertown to call home. I feel guilty not taking the offer up that some have given me on staying with them, but I don't believe anyone understands what goes through my head. I could try and explain, but it seems no one understands me even when i do. Lets see, what else do I miss. Worrying about little stuff, now that I have big stuff to worry about I don't even flinch when the little stuff comes my way. I'm worried for many reasons, and I am upset about a whole lot. I have come to realize this summer that people can lie through there teeth and not feel guilty one bit. And that smile they give you, or that high pitch in their voice, it's all just a ploy to make you give in. And people like me will give in, and they know it. I feel like I am being forced to do many things and nothign all at the same time. i am confused about many people...including relationships, friends, and family. I hate living here at my aunts, not only because it is far away and it is too small, but because I feel like it is tearing my family apart. My sister and mom yell almost everyday and there is nothing I can do. I am always in one of my "moods" as my mom puts it, and all we do is fight. I am usually the one who doesnt bother to speak my opinion. I always do what is best for everyone and what will make peace, but it eats away at me. I don't believe things will be getting better, at least not anytime soon. Every single time someone says "things will get better" they only EVER end up getting worse, and that is no lie. The feelings for people I hold inside must be put out on the table soon, for fear I will lose all bearing and explode with all my emotions and hurt everyone I surround. I believe that if I overcame obsticals in the past, i can overcome the ones in the future, but only if I can keep control of myself. As of now I feel numb when i am happy, and crazy when I am sad. I don't know when i will ever feel normal again, probably when I find that feeling of home.
Well Live Journal, it was nice chatting...i believe my uncle needs the computer now.
-Steph-