too much of the same stories in our livies...
I havnt posted in a little...I guess school and stuff has caught up to me...not really but whatever. I am so confused right now...I really dont know which end is up! I think I feel like Tommy. I need one of those Powertrips? is that what you called it...when you just get everything out...EVERYTHING. Its been a while but it has to be done.
For all of you who know...I havnt talked to "a certain someone" in almost two weeks now. (now if you know who Im talking about and dont care then dont read on but if you do then I thank you for caring) He wants to talk to me but I just dont know what to say. Do i say Im sorry? Is it even my fault? I feel bad...yet I am really hurt/angry/sad...its so frustrating. I have never been so torn in my life. I dont know how to differenciate one feeling from the other...which one is stronger? How do I go about doing that? Is there seriously even a way? I thought the only problems you got that you had to face were in school...but I was totally wrong. I keep thinking that the problems in reality w/people I dont have to face because they arnt "real problems" like they dont have a wrong or right answer so why face them? if you understanding what I am saying it makes complete sense but if not I dont know how to explain it. Its been a while since I have actually thought about this and its scary because I really need to sit down without any distraction and just think about how I should go on with the situation. I mean I have to talk to this person..i have known them my whole life and I shouldnt feel weird when I talk to them right? OHHH i have to stop w/these questions b/c no one can actually answer them but me...but I have NOT ONE answer. That is what is so hard to figure out...the answer. Im sitting here thinking right now I have to go to bed...yet I think this is helping with all my frustrations. What else can I say..."time is catching up behind me" soo true. I was told that I have been "running" and I really didnt want to admit it but in a way i have been. So much has been thrown at me at once...its hard to handle it all b/c everone thinks your strong enough too. but honostly sometimes your not. Every time i so called "ran" i was really just trying to take everything in at once. I may not be finished yet but my time is running up and I have to face it sooner or later. Im actually happy for once in this entry...I realized something I have to follow through with. I dont think I have ever written an entry this long and if you dont want to read it dont worry about it b/c Im just venting for myself. I think I am running out of things to say...yet I dont really think I should stop. So...he called today and wanted to talk to me...but I didnt pick up the first time and he never called back...figures. He was in the hospital yesurday...making me feel worse...yet I have to balance out the hatred for him too...and that isnt easy. Which one is right? wrong? Both emotions are there but how can you have such hot and cold emotion and find a luckwarm spot between them? Nope no answers here.
Im ending it now...cuz if I dont I will go on and on and not go to bed. If you read through the entry and actually have something to say...I thank you b/c your there for me :)
¤Steph¤
For all of you who know...I havnt talked to "a certain someone" in almost two weeks now. (now if you know who Im talking about and dont care then dont read on but if you do then I thank you for caring) He wants to talk to me but I just dont know what to say. Do i say Im sorry? Is it even my fault? I feel bad...yet I am really hurt/angry/sad...its so frustrating. I have never been so torn in my life. I dont know how to differenciate one feeling from the other...which one is stronger? How do I go about doing that? Is there seriously even a way? I thought the only problems you got that you had to face were in school...but I was totally wrong. I keep thinking that the problems in reality w/people I dont have to face because they arnt "real problems" like they dont have a wrong or right answer so why face them? if you understanding what I am saying it makes complete sense but if not I dont know how to explain it. Its been a while since I have actually thought about this and its scary because I really need to sit down without any distraction and just think about how I should go on with the situation. I mean I have to talk to this person..i have known them my whole life and I shouldnt feel weird when I talk to them right? OHHH i have to stop w/these questions b/c no one can actually answer them but me...but I have NOT ONE answer. That is what is so hard to figure out...the answer. Im sitting here thinking right now I have to go to bed...yet I think this is helping with all my frustrations. What else can I say..."time is catching up behind me" soo true. I was told that I have been "running" and I really didnt want to admit it but in a way i have been. So much has been thrown at me at once...its hard to handle it all b/c everone thinks your strong enough too. but honostly sometimes your not. Every time i so called "ran" i was really just trying to take everything in at once. I may not be finished yet but my time is running up and I have to face it sooner or later. Im actually happy for once in this entry...I realized something I have to follow through with. I dont think I have ever written an entry this long and if you dont want to read it dont worry about it b/c Im just venting for myself. I think I am running out of things to say...yet I dont really think I should stop. So...he called today and wanted to talk to me...but I didnt pick up the first time and he never called back...figures. He was in the hospital yesurday...making me feel worse...yet I have to balance out the hatred for him too...and that isnt easy. Which one is right? wrong? Both emotions are there but how can you have such hot and cold emotion and find a luckwarm spot between them? Nope no answers here.
Im ending it now...cuz if I dont I will go on and on and not go to bed. If you read through the entry and actually have something to say...I thank you b/c your there for me :)
¤Steph¤