XOXO
The sexy lady was putting her hands all over the other sexy lady. Talea could be satisfied watching them and eating gummy worms all day, but this was not a bed and breakfast, no, sir, there was a job to be done. Her eyes widened and mouth fell open involuntarily when they started hugging wildly. She shook her head. She couldn’t afford to be distracted. Her calculator watch beeped its assent.
“Go! Go! Go!” the voice in her head screamed.
The couple was still playing kissy face when Talea tackled the one wearing Timberland stilettos.
“Eek! Eek!” She toppled like a baby football player. Talea swiftly wrapped her arms around the fallen woman. This one didn’t have much of a tummy. She gave it a perfunctory rub in lieu of a squeeze.
The other one started slapping Talea in a weak attempt to halt the invasion. After a final hearty embrace, Talea shot to her feet. She darted across the street and out of their lives without looking back.
The girls rarely ran after her. Being accosted by a woman certainly must come as a surprise. Talea liked to imagine that they secretly enjoyed it. But she always ran away feeling guilty. No one likes being shoved to the ground out of nowhere. Talea knew it was rude. But she was hooked.
Hooked on girls. She had never kissed one before. She had tried to just once. The experience was so disastrous that she swore she would never try it again.
Esther. Her best friend throughout high school. Sometimes an especially close friendship can feel like a real relationship, like you’re dating. They spent every weekend together, going to shows, experimenting with drugs, sleeping in the same bed. Towards the end of senior year, Talea was alarmed by how her feelings for Esther were taking a turn for the romantic. She wanted to reach out and play with her hair, hold her hand, even just drape an arm over her shoulders. Although these gestures would be so innocuous, Talea knew they would add a frightening new dimension to their friendship. She didn’t want to destroy their perfect symbiosis.
But one fateful night, one fatally irreversible night, they were getting drunk in Talea’s room, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She had spent the past several hours soaking in Esther’s beauty. Esther smelled good and she made Talea laugh. What more could you ask for?
Talea decided to make a move and pass it off as drunken folly if Esther recoiled. She thought there was at least a slight chance that Esther would respond in kind.
They were sitting on her bed, listening to Pulp really loud. Esther was lying on her back, cheeks flushed.
“So it’s like, sometimes I just dismiss everything by saying, you know, it doesn’t matter.” Esther’s words stumbled over themselves exiting her mouth. “We’re all going to die anyway.”
“Yeah,” Talea said quietly, smiling at Esther. She didn’t notice and continued talking and staring at the ceiling.
“People shouldn’t be so afraid.” Esther’s tone turned berating. “We should just do whatever the fuck we want to. I mean, we are going to die, but that doesn’t mean I should be all nihilistic. We should take our mortality as a sign that we should, you know, take control of our lives.”
Talea nodded and inched closer. Esther brushed the hair out of her eyes. Talea took a deep breath and started stroking her hair that was spread out on the pillow. Again, Esther remained oblivious.
“Your hair is so soft,” Talea murmured.
Esther’s smile was silly and drunken. “Thanks. Do you think I should cut it?”
Talea shook her head. “The way you look now is perfect.” She leaned in for the kill. They were nose-to-nose when Esther blurted out, “Um, what are you doing?”
“Nothing!” Talea tried to summon up a more indignant tone, but she faltered.
Esther narrowed her eyes accusatorily. “You were trying to kiss me!”
“No, I wasn’t.” Talea was not convincing.
“Uh, yeah, whatever. I’ll just go home now.” And she darted out of Talea’s room and out of her life without looking back. There was no closure. It was the worst, and it left a void in Talea.
Now she could only resign herself to these surprise attacks.
The bus stop, mid-afternoon. Beautiful girl, hair in her eyes, smoking a cigarette. The pigeon had flown the coop; the eagle had hatched the egg; Talea set her sights on her next target. The one guy on the street rounded the corner, and the coast was clear.
She charged. The girl’s lumpy backpack broke her fall.
“You asshole! I have CDs in there!” the girl yelled, shoving Talea. She held on tightly, groping hips and inhaling shampoo scent.
Talea was already done, ready to go. The girl grabbed her arm.
“Hold on,” she said sternly, looking her square in the eye. “What the fuck was that?”
This couldn’t get any more humiliating, so Talea confessed, “I just wanted to touch you.”
The girl grinned evilly. “Oh yeah? Well, how about touching this?” Her mouth enveloped Talea’s, and she melted.
“Go! Go! Go!” the voice in her head screamed.
The couple was still playing kissy face when Talea tackled the one wearing Timberland stilettos.
“Eek! Eek!” She toppled like a baby football player. Talea swiftly wrapped her arms around the fallen woman. This one didn’t have much of a tummy. She gave it a perfunctory rub in lieu of a squeeze.
The other one started slapping Talea in a weak attempt to halt the invasion. After a final hearty embrace, Talea shot to her feet. She darted across the street and out of their lives without looking back.
The girls rarely ran after her. Being accosted by a woman certainly must come as a surprise. Talea liked to imagine that they secretly enjoyed it. But she always ran away feeling guilty. No one likes being shoved to the ground out of nowhere. Talea knew it was rude. But she was hooked.
Hooked on girls. She had never kissed one before. She had tried to just once. The experience was so disastrous that she swore she would never try it again.
Esther. Her best friend throughout high school. Sometimes an especially close friendship can feel like a real relationship, like you’re dating. They spent every weekend together, going to shows, experimenting with drugs, sleeping in the same bed. Towards the end of senior year, Talea was alarmed by how her feelings for Esther were taking a turn for the romantic. She wanted to reach out and play with her hair, hold her hand, even just drape an arm over her shoulders. Although these gestures would be so innocuous, Talea knew they would add a frightening new dimension to their friendship. She didn’t want to destroy their perfect symbiosis.
But one fateful night, one fatally irreversible night, they were getting drunk in Talea’s room, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She had spent the past several hours soaking in Esther’s beauty. Esther smelled good and she made Talea laugh. What more could you ask for?
Talea decided to make a move and pass it off as drunken folly if Esther recoiled. She thought there was at least a slight chance that Esther would respond in kind.
They were sitting on her bed, listening to Pulp really loud. Esther was lying on her back, cheeks flushed.
“So it’s like, sometimes I just dismiss everything by saying, you know, it doesn’t matter.” Esther’s words stumbled over themselves exiting her mouth. “We’re all going to die anyway.”
“Yeah,” Talea said quietly, smiling at Esther. She didn’t notice and continued talking and staring at the ceiling.
“People shouldn’t be so afraid.” Esther’s tone turned berating. “We should just do whatever the fuck we want to. I mean, we are going to die, but that doesn’t mean I should be all nihilistic. We should take our mortality as a sign that we should, you know, take control of our lives.”
Talea nodded and inched closer. Esther brushed the hair out of her eyes. Talea took a deep breath and started stroking her hair that was spread out on the pillow. Again, Esther remained oblivious.
“Your hair is so soft,” Talea murmured.
Esther’s smile was silly and drunken. “Thanks. Do you think I should cut it?”
Talea shook her head. “The way you look now is perfect.” She leaned in for the kill. They were nose-to-nose when Esther blurted out, “Um, what are you doing?”
“Nothing!” Talea tried to summon up a more indignant tone, but she faltered.
Esther narrowed her eyes accusatorily. “You were trying to kiss me!”
“No, I wasn’t.” Talea was not convincing.
“Uh, yeah, whatever. I’ll just go home now.” And she darted out of Talea’s room and out of her life without looking back. There was no closure. It was the worst, and it left a void in Talea.
Now she could only resign herself to these surprise attacks.
The bus stop, mid-afternoon. Beautiful girl, hair in her eyes, smoking a cigarette. The pigeon had flown the coop; the eagle had hatched the egg; Talea set her sights on her next target. The one guy on the street rounded the corner, and the coast was clear.
She charged. The girl’s lumpy backpack broke her fall.
“You asshole! I have CDs in there!” the girl yelled, shoving Talea. She held on tightly, groping hips and inhaling shampoo scent.
Talea was already done, ready to go. The girl grabbed her arm.
“Hold on,” she said sternly, looking her square in the eye. “What the fuck was that?”
This couldn’t get any more humiliating, so Talea confessed, “I just wanted to touch you.”
The girl grinned evilly. “Oh yeah? Well, how about touching this?” Her mouth enveloped Talea’s, and she melted.