2012!
So I'm stuck at home with a sudden cold, browsing the Internets, and suddenly I realized: I haven't posted a real update on this thing in almost four years.
I remember posting here last New Year's and promising I'd be back soon, but... Honestly, I lost track of time. I can't believe another new year is here already! 2011 went by in the blink of an eye. 2010 too, I think, though it's hard to remember now. Ever since I left Purchase it's like the days just fly on by. The past two and a half years have been one big blur, half the time I don't even know what day of the week it is.
It's a little scary, actually.
Part of it is living at home again. A lot of times it makes me feel like I'm back in high school, except without the high school part. That probably would've sounded awesome to me back when I was 16, but it can actually get very dull.
Jesus Christ, I still can't believe I'm 25 now! Was high school really seven fucking years ago?! Where did all that time go?!
At least earlier in the year I was constantly going out. Work, parties, things to do, people to see. Now I'm just here in my apartment all the time. Way fewer hours at my job, way less money to go out gallivanting, way less incentive to go outside. During the warmer months I'd walk around the neighborhood sometimes when I had nothing else to do, decent exercise and it helped to clear my mind, but this cold weather keeps compelling me to stay indoors.
I'm so bored right now.
I don't even have much in the way of entertainment. I don't watch too many TV shows or movies, I almost never play video games anymore. Hell, I don't even drink or smoke weed that much these days, not more than once every few weeks. To be honest, I don't know what I've been doing all this time. I read a lot, but not nearly as much as I could considering the ridiculous amount of free time I have right now. Seriously, where has all this time gone?
It feels like I'm waking up from a long, hazy dream.
One thing I've noticed about journaling, and writing in general- here, on paper, in a private Word document, wherever- is that it's something I tend to do when my life's either really great or really shitty. Maybe it's because it's fun to boast and cathartic to complain. Maybe it's because extremes in life usually mean there's more going on; more events, more excitement, more potential for change, more stories to tell. Maybe it's because it's simply not interesting to talk about how you're doing alright and everything is pretty much the same for the 57th day in a row. Whatever the reason, I don't seem to have much inspiration when I'm just feeling “meh.”
It's a bit like prayer in that respect. I don't want to go into my own beliefs, it's just an observation I've made about people in general. They're always willing to thank God when they're happy, plead with Him when they're desperate, and curse at Him when they're angry, yet they're most likely to forget Him when everything is merely okay.
Part of me wishes I could go back in time, do the past two or five or ten years all over again, make better choices, be more productive... I know thinking like that won't help, though. I need to move forward. I just wish I knew where.
I just want to feel something different.
P.S. Apparently journaling isn't a real word. Guess you learn something new every day! Bafflingly, my computer suggested journalese (no idea what that means), jingling, and cunnilingus as possible replacements. Thanks, spell check!
P.P.S. Internets, plural, is a real word, but only when it's capitalized. Seriously.
I remember posting here last New Year's and promising I'd be back soon, but... Honestly, I lost track of time. I can't believe another new year is here already! 2011 went by in the blink of an eye. 2010 too, I think, though it's hard to remember now. Ever since I left Purchase it's like the days just fly on by. The past two and a half years have been one big blur, half the time I don't even know what day of the week it is.
It's a little scary, actually.
Part of it is living at home again. A lot of times it makes me feel like I'm back in high school, except without the high school part. That probably would've sounded awesome to me back when I was 16, but it can actually get very dull.
Jesus Christ, I still can't believe I'm 25 now! Was high school really seven fucking years ago?! Where did all that time go?!
At least earlier in the year I was constantly going out. Work, parties, things to do, people to see. Now I'm just here in my apartment all the time. Way fewer hours at my job, way less money to go out gallivanting, way less incentive to go outside. During the warmer months I'd walk around the neighborhood sometimes when I had nothing else to do, decent exercise and it helped to clear my mind, but this cold weather keeps compelling me to stay indoors.
I'm so bored right now.
I don't even have much in the way of entertainment. I don't watch too many TV shows or movies, I almost never play video games anymore. Hell, I don't even drink or smoke weed that much these days, not more than once every few weeks. To be honest, I don't know what I've been doing all this time. I read a lot, but not nearly as much as I could considering the ridiculous amount of free time I have right now. Seriously, where has all this time gone?
It feels like I'm waking up from a long, hazy dream.
One thing I've noticed about journaling, and writing in general- here, on paper, in a private Word document, wherever- is that it's something I tend to do when my life's either really great or really shitty. Maybe it's because it's fun to boast and cathartic to complain. Maybe it's because extremes in life usually mean there's more going on; more events, more excitement, more potential for change, more stories to tell. Maybe it's because it's simply not interesting to talk about how you're doing alright and everything is pretty much the same for the 57th day in a row. Whatever the reason, I don't seem to have much inspiration when I'm just feeling “meh.”
It's a bit like prayer in that respect. I don't want to go into my own beliefs, it's just an observation I've made about people in general. They're always willing to thank God when they're happy, plead with Him when they're desperate, and curse at Him when they're angry, yet they're most likely to forget Him when everything is merely okay.
Part of me wishes I could go back in time, do the past two or five or ten years all over again, make better choices, be more productive... I know thinking like that won't help, though. I need to move forward. I just wish I knew where.
I just want to feel something different.
P.S. Apparently journaling isn't a real word. Guess you learn something new every day! Bafflingly, my computer suggested journalese (no idea what that means), jingling, and cunnilingus as possible replacements. Thanks, spell check!
P.P.S. Internets, plural, is a real word, but only when it's capitalized. Seriously.