Empower Me?
I had a really good weekend. Aaron left Thursday for his Empower U course in Nevada. Kim and I took the girls to dinner at Randy's. Slow, but fantastic. I shared my cheese enchilada, chicken taco, chile verde combo plate with Maegan. She was more interested in the bread from Emily's corndog though. She's gotten to a point where she doesn't want any food that's mixed up. It has to be on seperate plates or in seperate piles. But I did NOT share my "Elvia" margarita with her. Wow, one of the best I've ever had. I was feelin it too! The weather was gorgeous so we walked around town for a little while after.
Friday was another beautiful day. I got off work an hour early, so Maeg and I spend some time watering the yard by hand (I didn't know the drip system was connected). We had fun though, I got her soaking and muddy, she loved it. Afterwards I threw her in the stroller and hit Hastings. That is a helluva hill. Between going to the gym and pushing 30+ pounds of kid and stoller up that hill, I will definately get in shape. Went home and played and ate and bathed. She went to bed pretty early and I stayed up and organized photos and watched The Missing. GREAT movie! Long, somewhat disturbing, but really good.
Saturday I had a hair appointment, so I just took Maegan with me. She got bored, but was really good. Kept saying, "go bye-bye now?" Afterwards I went to the gym and dropped her in the daycare. I worked out my lower body for an hour, then checked on her and she was ok so I did yoga. She was really upset when I got out of yoga because other mommies came to pick up their kids, and I didn't. Oops! She was really happy to see me. Kim and Kris and Emily came over Saturday afternoon so we could work on our scrapbooks. We had a good time, a good dinner, and got a lot done. They were there from 2 until about 9:30. The girls were really good about entertaining themselves. Maegan went to bed with no problem.
Sunday morning I took Maegan to my mom's and went to yoga. Both weekend classes were really good and intense. I wish I could get Aaron to go with me, he'd get a lot out of it. He'd have less pain if he could learn to stretch like that on a regular basis. After yoga Maegan and I went to Trader Joes to pick up yummies that I can't get anywhere else. They have a new Creamy Cilantro and Roasted Pecan dip that is THE BOMB!! Maegan didn't nap yesterday because my neighbor (for the 2nd weekend in a row!) decided to power wash his house and fence so it was really loud adn she couldn't go to sleep. So we just put on shorts and watered and played in the backyard all afternoon. We'd been out there about an hour when Aaron came home. He was very happy to see us, very tired, very quiet, and had almost no voice left. I'd never even heard him that hoarse after a 9er game! We all went back in and Aaron laid down to sleep and I tried to get Maegan to take a nap, but she wasn't having it. So we played all the rest of the afternoon. I roasted a chicken and steamed some squash and some yams. Woke Aaron up for dinner just as Maegan was finally falling asleep. So Aaron and I had a quiet dinner. It was strange because I could tell he had a lot on his mind. I am not going to ask him about his weekend... he'll tell me what he wants when he's ready. It was obviously very emotinally draining for him. He told me he wants me to go. He already signed me up. I told him I wasn't interested. I've seen so many people go through these leadership courses and say they were life changing experiences and blah blah blah, and then their lives are totally back to normal within a few weeks or months. We'll see how it goes. He did tell me that there would be a lot of changes in his life, which in turn meant there will be a lot of changes in OUR life. But not all at once because it would be unfair for him to turn my life upside down. I told him I would be happy with any changes that were positive and improved my life, but I'm pretty set in my lifestyle, so unless he's going to make it easier, don't fuck with me. He got very emotional and admitted that he made a commitment to me when we were married, and he hasn't been living up to it. I have known that the entire time, but it was not something I could point out to him. He had to come to the realization himself. He told me that he would be a better husband and better father and live up to his commitments, and that he had not been giving me his whole self. I knew that too. Which in turn has caused me to hold back and learn to not need him. I love him, I want to be with him, my life is good, but I also hold back, and I don't actually NEED him anymore. I have a lot more love to give, but I won't unless he's willing to open up and give all of his too. I learned that from him the hard way. So we will see where this all goes. I got up to clean up after dinner and he asked me to sit down and hang out with him while he finished eating and talked to me. Then HE got up and cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes. And I don't mean half-assed either. He even wiped down the counters, took out the trash, and REPLACED THE TRASH BAG! Holy shit! I'm not going to get too excited yet... it's too soon. We'll see how he is over the next several weeks. It will be intersting to see what these "life changes" are. He also questioned me on some stuff that had not been done... like why was there mud in the garage sink and a camera in the kitchen. That I will NOT tolerate. He has no right to question the condition of the household or how I do things until he is regularly and actively taking part in it. Then we'll talk. Until then, I'm not having it.
We made love when we went to bed. I was totally not in the mood, this whole thing is kinda weird. But I did because he obviously needed it. And I know how it feels to need it and be left high and dry... (or rather, hot and wet!)
Hopefully this workshop has also motivated him in his career. He's been feeling burned out lately, and he has some decisions to make. I don't want to deal with another summer listening to him complain about being hot and tired and having to work too much. It's just not worth it. So, we'll see what he decides to do about that too. I won't push him for details, I just need to sit back and watch and see...
Friday was another beautiful day. I got off work an hour early, so Maeg and I spend some time watering the yard by hand (I didn't know the drip system was connected). We had fun though, I got her soaking and muddy, she loved it. Afterwards I threw her in the stroller and hit Hastings. That is a helluva hill. Between going to the gym and pushing 30+ pounds of kid and stoller up that hill, I will definately get in shape. Went home and played and ate and bathed. She went to bed pretty early and I stayed up and organized photos and watched The Missing. GREAT movie! Long, somewhat disturbing, but really good.
Saturday I had a hair appointment, so I just took Maegan with me. She got bored, but was really good. Kept saying, "go bye-bye now?" Afterwards I went to the gym and dropped her in the daycare. I worked out my lower body for an hour, then checked on her and she was ok so I did yoga. She was really upset when I got out of yoga because other mommies came to pick up their kids, and I didn't. Oops! She was really happy to see me. Kim and Kris and Emily came over Saturday afternoon so we could work on our scrapbooks. We had a good time, a good dinner, and got a lot done. They were there from 2 until about 9:30. The girls were really good about entertaining themselves. Maegan went to bed with no problem.
Sunday morning I took Maegan to my mom's and went to yoga. Both weekend classes were really good and intense. I wish I could get Aaron to go with me, he'd get a lot out of it. He'd have less pain if he could learn to stretch like that on a regular basis. After yoga Maegan and I went to Trader Joes to pick up yummies that I can't get anywhere else. They have a new Creamy Cilantro and Roasted Pecan dip that is THE BOMB!! Maegan didn't nap yesterday because my neighbor (for the 2nd weekend in a row!) decided to power wash his house and fence so it was really loud adn she couldn't go to sleep. So we just put on shorts and watered and played in the backyard all afternoon. We'd been out there about an hour when Aaron came home. He was very happy to see us, very tired, very quiet, and had almost no voice left. I'd never even heard him that hoarse after a 9er game! We all went back in and Aaron laid down to sleep and I tried to get Maegan to take a nap, but she wasn't having it. So we played all the rest of the afternoon. I roasted a chicken and steamed some squash and some yams. Woke Aaron up for dinner just as Maegan was finally falling asleep. So Aaron and I had a quiet dinner. It was strange because I could tell he had a lot on his mind. I am not going to ask him about his weekend... he'll tell me what he wants when he's ready. It was obviously very emotinally draining for him. He told me he wants me to go. He already signed me up. I told him I wasn't interested. I've seen so many people go through these leadership courses and say they were life changing experiences and blah blah blah, and then their lives are totally back to normal within a few weeks or months. We'll see how it goes. He did tell me that there would be a lot of changes in his life, which in turn meant there will be a lot of changes in OUR life. But not all at once because it would be unfair for him to turn my life upside down. I told him I would be happy with any changes that were positive and improved my life, but I'm pretty set in my lifestyle, so unless he's going to make it easier, don't fuck with me. He got very emotional and admitted that he made a commitment to me when we were married, and he hasn't been living up to it. I have known that the entire time, but it was not something I could point out to him. He had to come to the realization himself. He told me that he would be a better husband and better father and live up to his commitments, and that he had not been giving me his whole self. I knew that too. Which in turn has caused me to hold back and learn to not need him. I love him, I want to be with him, my life is good, but I also hold back, and I don't actually NEED him anymore. I have a lot more love to give, but I won't unless he's willing to open up and give all of his too. I learned that from him the hard way. So we will see where this all goes. I got up to clean up after dinner and he asked me to sit down and hang out with him while he finished eating and talked to me. Then HE got up and cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes. And I don't mean half-assed either. He even wiped down the counters, took out the trash, and REPLACED THE TRASH BAG! Holy shit! I'm not going to get too excited yet... it's too soon. We'll see how he is over the next several weeks. It will be intersting to see what these "life changes" are. He also questioned me on some stuff that had not been done... like why was there mud in the garage sink and a camera in the kitchen. That I will NOT tolerate. He has no right to question the condition of the household or how I do things until he is regularly and actively taking part in it. Then we'll talk. Until then, I'm not having it.
We made love when we went to bed. I was totally not in the mood, this whole thing is kinda weird. But I did because he obviously needed it. And I know how it feels to need it and be left high and dry... (or rather, hot and wet!)
Hopefully this workshop has also motivated him in his career. He's been feeling burned out lately, and he has some decisions to make. I don't want to deal with another summer listening to him complain about being hot and tired and having to work too much. It's just not worth it. So, we'll see what he decides to do about that too. I won't push him for details, I just need to sit back and watch and see...