...
YEah, an update, holy fuck
Let's start off by saying WOW I have nothing to fukcing write about being that last time I wrote was like a million years ago and to completely update would take probably over an hour but whatever, I'm not going to needless to say...
I just feel the need to vent, I can't talk to someone, especially the person I really want to talk to, nope , I just can't simple as that.. And I'm now analyzing what I just said... "I can't talk to the person I really want to talk to" Wow, how deep of a statement, it can be looked at from many stand points, well I guess we could say it has two meanings.... let's just leave it at that.... I'm in new jersey, a time away from my whole social life, my life revolves around this thing called livejournal, keeping me up to date on all my friends lives.. sometimes looking at it isn't a very good thing to do, sure it reminds you of all the hapiness in your life, but then I get back to thinking what I've been thinking for a long time.. staying.... I don't want to... but my life here seems so much more.... focused I guess you could say, I fucking miss all my friends more than one could imagine, but what I've started developing here is just too much of what I want for myself, I actually feel like I can set my mind to something and do it, I've wrote a lot since I've been here, a lot of emotions flowing through my head, a lot of them about her... how could I tell her, I have to, this hurts me more and more everyday, and she's not nothing to put this on herself but be there for me, I don't want it to make things weird, I'm being ambiguous on purpose, so don't ask who it is, if you are this person you'll probably know I'm dircting this towards you.... I have so many feelings, feelings that I question every time they pop into my head, I think something one minute and at the end of the day I think something completely opposite, I haven't drank since I've been here, no need too. I don't know about tonight though... it's almost like I cower to the liquor cabnit everytime I have a problem, I'm such a wek person that it literally makes me sick sometimes, I almost threw up I was so sick to my tummy yesterday when I thought of how much of a waste my lfie has been, maybe I have a disorder, maybe........ I don't know...... I don't know anything anymore....
Let's start off by saying WOW I have nothing to fukcing write about being that last time I wrote was like a million years ago and to completely update would take probably over an hour but whatever, I'm not going to needless to say...
I just feel the need to vent, I can't talk to someone, especially the person I really want to talk to, nope , I just can't simple as that.. And I'm now analyzing what I just said... "I can't talk to the person I really want to talk to" Wow, how deep of a statement, it can be looked at from many stand points, well I guess we could say it has two meanings.... let's just leave it at that.... I'm in new jersey, a time away from my whole social life, my life revolves around this thing called livejournal, keeping me up to date on all my friends lives.. sometimes looking at it isn't a very good thing to do, sure it reminds you of all the hapiness in your life, but then I get back to thinking what I've been thinking for a long time.. staying.... I don't want to... but my life here seems so much more.... focused I guess you could say, I fucking miss all my friends more than one could imagine, but what I've started developing here is just too much of what I want for myself, I actually feel like I can set my mind to something and do it, I've wrote a lot since I've been here, a lot of emotions flowing through my head, a lot of them about her... how could I tell her, I have to, this hurts me more and more everyday, and she's not nothing to put this on herself but be there for me, I don't want it to make things weird, I'm being ambiguous on purpose, so don't ask who it is, if you are this person you'll probably know I'm dircting this towards you.... I have so many feelings, feelings that I question every time they pop into my head, I think something one minute and at the end of the day I think something completely opposite, I haven't drank since I've been here, no need too. I don't know about tonight though... it's almost like I cower to the liquor cabnit everytime I have a problem, I'm such a wek person that it literally makes me sick sometimes, I almost threw up I was so sick to my tummy yesterday when I thought of how much of a waste my lfie has been, maybe I have a disorder, maybe........ I don't know...... I don't know anything anymore....