Jun 01, 2008 02:01
so it looks like my plans are changing. i think that im not actually going away. ive had an offer, a few times, and alot of encouragement to join the police force. the state police is my first choice, but i think i have a better chance at a local force, i mean i know i can get a job with plainfield pd. becoming a cop is actually something i considered before. it allows me to run a side busniess and still have great benefits, and a pension. if i were to just start my construction company full time id lack a pension, and would have to pay for my own insurance.
this just seems like the best idea.
i had a pretty good night. i did think about her pretty often but really it was beucase i love hanging out with her. i am worried about the lack of communication between us though. i really dont want to lose her as a friend. i dont get how she can go from "the weekend is ruined" to "i had the best night ever!!" i mean i want her to have fun, i really do, but i sorta wish she's dwell on it like i am. i dunno. w/e. if she wants to do something thats her choice. but i still wish she would talk to me.
thats all really, i just dont want to lose her. yea im still jealous of the thought that another guy is getting her attention, but thats something i have to live with. i dunno how she feels about me right now. im not sure how she really felt about me ever. being with her would be awesome, but at the same time i think it wouldnt end well, we want two different relationship types.
i wish i could stop thinking about her. damn it.