A Kpop Fan's Guide to Being Oppa's Fan Even When He Acts Like a Douchebag
Look, okay, that title is only partially in jest. With the recent posts in Omona about Zico/Eli saying "no homo," idols doing blackface, etc. etc. I thought some members of the general kpop community (or, truthfully, any fan community) might like a little bit of a refresher course on how you can continue to be a fan of someone or something even when it's problematic, and why that doesn't make you a bad person.
There are a few steps to continuing to be a fan of people and things who say and do problematic things.
1. Don't deny that what oppa said/did was offensive.
This is the one that most fans seem to struggle with! If Zico says "no homo" or Kikwang puts on blackface, don't try to deny that "no homo" is homophobic or that blackface is racist. You're wrong. Saying "no homo" is homophobic and blackface will always be racist, and to try to deny it will only make you look like an idiot and make people not want to listen to what you have to say.
AN ASIDE: shampoo suggested that I clarify why saying "no homo" is homophobic, since some people may not understand. Usually, "no homo" is prefaced by a statement of affection towards another person of the same sex-for instance, "I love you, no homo" or, in Zico's case, "I think Youngmin is pretty, but no homo."
People often argue that what "no homo" means is that the person is heterosexual. That's true, but it's also a very shallow interpretation of the baggage that "no homo" carries. Ask yourselves, why does he need to specify that he's heterosexual? The only real motivation to say "no homo" is that he's worried that people may interpret his comment as being indicative of sexual attraction towards that person. And the only reason he would be worried by that interpretation is if he somehow interprets homosexuality as something undesirable or unnatural or unpleasant that he needs to avoid being associated with. And that's homophobic.
When oppa says or does something offensive, that doesn't automatically mean you have to stop being his fan. It's perfectly all right to acknowledge that what oppa said or did was problematic and continue to be a fan of him, his music, and his presence on shows. But you must acknowledge that what oppa said/did was offensive.
In the particular case of kpop, it's okay to make note of and acknowledge the fact that oppa grew up in a different social climate than America's (if you're from America; substitute name of country here for same effect) and that perhaps his social climate has informed the things he says and does. Socialization is different depending on the sociocultural history of a country or culture-that's a given. It's okay to acknowledge that because it's true! However, and this leads into my next step:
2. Don't try to make excuses for what oppa said/did.
Acknowledging that oppa's socialization may have contributed to his decision to say/do what he said/did is different than expecting that socialization to make his words/behavior okay. In fact, I'd say it's important to recognize that oppa's socialization will have a huge impact on the things he considers socially acceptable. But that doesn't necessarily make the behavior less hurtful, and it's not a free pass.
"No homo" is still homophobic whether you're in San Fransisco, Moscow, or Seoul. Blackface is still racist whether you're in Rio, Lagos or Tokyo. Even if you take into account the relative value of pale skin over tanned skin in Korean culture, EXO members constantly commenting on Kai's skintone will still be hurtful. As I said above, denying those facts will just make people frustrated and angry and will, more likely than not, make them have no desire to participate in any dialogue you might want to have.
It's important to remember, and many people seem to forget, that oppa is human too, and humans can say and do stupid, offensive things. In fact, humans do say and do stupid offensive things every day of our lives. It doesn't mean that oppa is necessarily a bad person*, or that you should feel bad for continuing to be his fan. It just means he said or did something stupid and offensive-but what he did was still stupid and offensive, and you can acknowledge that without saying that oppa is a horrible human being who deserves to die.
3. Don't try to ignore the issue or divert attention away from what oppa said/did.
When people get angry because oppa said or did something offensive, do not fall back on the tried-but-never-true "you're too sensitive/stop taking it so seriously/I wish people wouldn't make such a big deal out of this" defense. This defense is fucked up on a number of levels:
1. It implies that people have a choice about what offends them, which is often false;
2. It diverts attention away from the real issue, which is that oppa said or did something offensive; and
3. It minimizes the very real hurt that people are feeling as a result of something that oppa said or did.
People react differently to things based on many different factors. Personal experience, cultural upbringing, personal values, religion, whatever-there are a zillion factors that contribute to our socializations, and one result of that is that we perceive things as "offensive" or "not offensive" based on different criteria. For instance, someone of ethnic Chinese descent living in Singapore will likely have a different experience of racism than someone of Mexican descent living in Los Angeles. Straight people often have a difficult time really understanding the experiences of homophobia that queer people go through on the daily.
But it's critically important that we all remember that the fact that you might not see something as a big deal doesn't mean that no one will. If someone is hurt or offended by oppa's behavior or words, chances are that hurt/offense is drawing on a real life experience that person has gone through. Telling them that they're being too sensitive, or that they're making too big a deal, is telling them that you think oppa is more important than their experiences and emotions. And that's just straight up not fair.
When you refuse to engage with people in dialogues about why what oppa said or did is problematic, what you're saying is that their hurt and anger isn't valid. What you're saying is that your opinion of oppa is more important than how they've been affected by what oppa said. So when someone raises concerns about why what oppa said or did was offensive, don't change the subject-just listen. Be respectful of the experiences of others and be willing to hear others out when they explain where they're coming from.
The thing is, media, celebrities, and public figures are important. The things that they do and say and the media that we surround ourselves with does a great deal to influence the way we view the world. Media-whether that be literature, music, film, theatre, anything-is in the unique position of both being created by our worldviews and changing the way we shape our worldviews, and so to accuse people of "taking it too seriously" is more or less accusing them of being enraged that someone in that influential position is saying or doing things that promote oppression or intolerance, even indirectly, even in seemingly harmless ways.
Here. Let's take, for example, Zico's on-screen use of the phrase "no homo" in an interview in 2011. Many people are indignant about this, and righteously so-Zico's use of the phrase "no homo" is indicative about a lot of things, namely the attitude towards homosexuality in South Korea and Zico's own personal attitudes towards masculinity and homosexuality. It's possible that he's aware of what the phrase means but not of the baggage it carries, but even so, his words were hurtful and people were angry.
Does that necessarily mean that Zico is a bad person, or that Zico hates gay people? No, not at all. Zico was raised in a culture where homosexuality is by and large perceived in a very negative light, and that culture has doubtlessly influenced him as he grew up. But that attitude, even if it only manifests in subtle ways, does contribute to an overall culture where gay people are forcibly closeted, shamed, and sometimes physically harmed just for expressing their sexuality.
Similarly, we can look at Chanyeol's comment about Kai's skin color (and basically all the other times EXO members have commented on Kai being "dark"). I don't personally think that Chanyeol, or any EXO member, brings it up to be malicious. I don't think that they have the intent of making Kai feel bad or self-conscious. Pale skin is valued far above darker skin in Korea, a phenomenon tied into a long history where paleness is associated with status & wealth and tanned skin is associated with the working class farmers. (Just for the record, the valuing of whiteness/paleness over blackness/tan skin is definitely not limited to the Korean peninsula.)
That socialization-the valuing of paleness over tan skin-is something that Chanyeol was born into, and something that he has been immersed in for his entire life. But the results of this persistent cultural bias against people with darker skin can be really traumatizing. Young people who are mocked and tormented and even beaten up because of their skin color, for instance. And it's been proven by many studies that rates of depression and suicide are much higher among young people in Korea who feel isolated or out of place among their peer groups, especially as a result of body shame. However subtle it is, this attitude can and does have a real, long-lasting, very serious impact on people who suffer as a necessary result.
Like Zico, I don't think Chanyeol actually hates people with tan skin or people who are "darker." Whether or not he and Kai get along is another question, but I doubt their clashes have anything to do with the color of Kai's skin. Still, whenever an EXO member brings up the skin color thing, they're further reinforcing a damaging stereotype-unintentionally, but reinforcing it nonetheless.
4. Acknowledge that not everyone will view oppa the same way that you do.
Like I said above, the way that we react to things is informed by our own life experiences and socialization, and that's unique from person to person. Not all queer people will be offended by "no homo;" not all people of color will be offended by blackface. But that doesn't mean that no one will be, and when someone interprets what oppa said or did differently than the way you interpret it, acknowledge their concerns as valid and don't try to convince them to think your way.
Similarly, bear in mind that while you may be the type of person who can acknowledge that what oppa said/did was offensive and continue to be his fan, not everyone will be able to feel that way. And that's fine. Some people will not want to engage with Block B after hearing Zico say "no homo." Some people will not want to engage with Boom after seeing him put on blackface. THAT IS OKAY. Their responses are just as valid and understandable as yours is. If someone doesn't like Zico or doesn't like Kikwang or doesn't like Eeteuk, don't badger them about it. Don't give them the impression that oppa is more important than their feelings, because he's not.
5. And finally, the things we like do not define our worth as people.
For those of you who are so offended by what oppa said/did that you can no longer engage with his group/media/existence (which is fine!), also keep this in mind: The things that people like don't define their worth as people. Let me say that again: The things that people like do not define their worth as people. If someone chooses to acknowledge that what Zico said was problematic and continue being a Block B fan, that does not make them a bad person and does not mean that you should be demeaning or disrespectful. It just means that you've approached the same media from two different paths, and that perhaps you shouldn't talk about that media (if you're friends) or that you should agree to disagree and stop commenting (if you're not).
I hope this has been at least somewhat interesting and informative, and if you have anything you'd like to add or discuss, feel free to leave a comment!
COMMENTING FOR THIS POST IS NOW AVAILABLE HERE.
*This only applies in cases where oppa said something stupid or did something stupid that is harmful only in an indirect, cutural-stereotype-reinforcing manner. In instances where oppa is convicted of a crime against another person, like rape or assault, as far as I'm concerned oppa is a bad person.
** This post has been very much informed by several blog posts and discussions with friends, but the most notable mention is The Social Justice League's How to be a fan of problematic things, which I also recommend you check out for non-kpop-specific tips!
There are a few steps to continuing to be a fan of people and things who say and do problematic things.
1. Don't deny that what oppa said/did was offensive.
This is the one that most fans seem to struggle with! If Zico says "no homo" or Kikwang puts on blackface, don't try to deny that "no homo" is homophobic or that blackface is racist. You're wrong. Saying "no homo" is homophobic and blackface will always be racist, and to try to deny it will only make you look like an idiot and make people not want to listen to what you have to say.
AN ASIDE: shampoo suggested that I clarify why saying "no homo" is homophobic, since some people may not understand. Usually, "no homo" is prefaced by a statement of affection towards another person of the same sex-for instance, "I love you, no homo" or, in Zico's case, "I think Youngmin is pretty, but no homo."
People often argue that what "no homo" means is that the person is heterosexual. That's true, but it's also a very shallow interpretation of the baggage that "no homo" carries. Ask yourselves, why does he need to specify that he's heterosexual? The only real motivation to say "no homo" is that he's worried that people may interpret his comment as being indicative of sexual attraction towards that person. And the only reason he would be worried by that interpretation is if he somehow interprets homosexuality as something undesirable or unnatural or unpleasant that he needs to avoid being associated with. And that's homophobic.
When oppa says or does something offensive, that doesn't automatically mean you have to stop being his fan. It's perfectly all right to acknowledge that what oppa said or did was problematic and continue to be a fan of him, his music, and his presence on shows. But you must acknowledge that what oppa said/did was offensive.
In the particular case of kpop, it's okay to make note of and acknowledge the fact that oppa grew up in a different social climate than America's (if you're from America; substitute name of country here for same effect) and that perhaps his social climate has informed the things he says and does. Socialization is different depending on the sociocultural history of a country or culture-that's a given. It's okay to acknowledge that because it's true! However, and this leads into my next step:
2. Don't try to make excuses for what oppa said/did.
Acknowledging that oppa's socialization may have contributed to his decision to say/do what he said/did is different than expecting that socialization to make his words/behavior okay. In fact, I'd say it's important to recognize that oppa's socialization will have a huge impact on the things he considers socially acceptable. But that doesn't necessarily make the behavior less hurtful, and it's not a free pass.
"No homo" is still homophobic whether you're in San Fransisco, Moscow, or Seoul. Blackface is still racist whether you're in Rio, Lagos or Tokyo. Even if you take into account the relative value of pale skin over tanned skin in Korean culture, EXO members constantly commenting on Kai's skintone will still be hurtful. As I said above, denying those facts will just make people frustrated and angry and will, more likely than not, make them have no desire to participate in any dialogue you might want to have.
It's important to remember, and many people seem to forget, that oppa is human too, and humans can say and do stupid, offensive things. In fact, humans do say and do stupid offensive things every day of our lives. It doesn't mean that oppa is necessarily a bad person*, or that you should feel bad for continuing to be his fan. It just means he said or did something stupid and offensive-but what he did was still stupid and offensive, and you can acknowledge that without saying that oppa is a horrible human being who deserves to die.
3. Don't try to ignore the issue or divert attention away from what oppa said/did.
When people get angry because oppa said or did something offensive, do not fall back on the tried-but-never-true "you're too sensitive/stop taking it so seriously/I wish people wouldn't make such a big deal out of this" defense. This defense is fucked up on a number of levels:
1. It implies that people have a choice about what offends them, which is often false;
2. It diverts attention away from the real issue, which is that oppa said or did something offensive; and
3. It minimizes the very real hurt that people are feeling as a result of something that oppa said or did.
People react differently to things based on many different factors. Personal experience, cultural upbringing, personal values, religion, whatever-there are a zillion factors that contribute to our socializations, and one result of that is that we perceive things as "offensive" or "not offensive" based on different criteria. For instance, someone of ethnic Chinese descent living in Singapore will likely have a different experience of racism than someone of Mexican descent living in Los Angeles. Straight people often have a difficult time really understanding the experiences of homophobia that queer people go through on the daily.
But it's critically important that we all remember that the fact that you might not see something as a big deal doesn't mean that no one will. If someone is hurt or offended by oppa's behavior or words, chances are that hurt/offense is drawing on a real life experience that person has gone through. Telling them that they're being too sensitive, or that they're making too big a deal, is telling them that you think oppa is more important than their experiences and emotions. And that's just straight up not fair.
When you refuse to engage with people in dialogues about why what oppa said or did is problematic, what you're saying is that their hurt and anger isn't valid. What you're saying is that your opinion of oppa is more important than how they've been affected by what oppa said. So when someone raises concerns about why what oppa said or did was offensive, don't change the subject-just listen. Be respectful of the experiences of others and be willing to hear others out when they explain where they're coming from.
The thing is, media, celebrities, and public figures are important. The things that they do and say and the media that we surround ourselves with does a great deal to influence the way we view the world. Media-whether that be literature, music, film, theatre, anything-is in the unique position of both being created by our worldviews and changing the way we shape our worldviews, and so to accuse people of "taking it too seriously" is more or less accusing them of being enraged that someone in that influential position is saying or doing things that promote oppression or intolerance, even indirectly, even in seemingly harmless ways.
Here. Let's take, for example, Zico's on-screen use of the phrase "no homo" in an interview in 2011. Many people are indignant about this, and righteously so-Zico's use of the phrase "no homo" is indicative about a lot of things, namely the attitude towards homosexuality in South Korea and Zico's own personal attitudes towards masculinity and homosexuality. It's possible that he's aware of what the phrase means but not of the baggage it carries, but even so, his words were hurtful and people were angry.
Does that necessarily mean that Zico is a bad person, or that Zico hates gay people? No, not at all. Zico was raised in a culture where homosexuality is by and large perceived in a very negative light, and that culture has doubtlessly influenced him as he grew up. But that attitude, even if it only manifests in subtle ways, does contribute to an overall culture where gay people are forcibly closeted, shamed, and sometimes physically harmed just for expressing their sexuality.
Similarly, we can look at Chanyeol's comment about Kai's skin color (and basically all the other times EXO members have commented on Kai being "dark"). I don't personally think that Chanyeol, or any EXO member, brings it up to be malicious. I don't think that they have the intent of making Kai feel bad or self-conscious. Pale skin is valued far above darker skin in Korea, a phenomenon tied into a long history where paleness is associated with status & wealth and tanned skin is associated with the working class farmers. (Just for the record, the valuing of whiteness/paleness over blackness/tan skin is definitely not limited to the Korean peninsula.)
That socialization-the valuing of paleness over tan skin-is something that Chanyeol was born into, and something that he has been immersed in for his entire life. But the results of this persistent cultural bias against people with darker skin can be really traumatizing. Young people who are mocked and tormented and even beaten up because of their skin color, for instance. And it's been proven by many studies that rates of depression and suicide are much higher among young people in Korea who feel isolated or out of place among their peer groups, especially as a result of body shame. However subtle it is, this attitude can and does have a real, long-lasting, very serious impact on people who suffer as a necessary result.
Like Zico, I don't think Chanyeol actually hates people with tan skin or people who are "darker." Whether or not he and Kai get along is another question, but I doubt their clashes have anything to do with the color of Kai's skin. Still, whenever an EXO member brings up the skin color thing, they're further reinforcing a damaging stereotype-unintentionally, but reinforcing it nonetheless.
4. Acknowledge that not everyone will view oppa the same way that you do.
Like I said above, the way that we react to things is informed by our own life experiences and socialization, and that's unique from person to person. Not all queer people will be offended by "no homo;" not all people of color will be offended by blackface. But that doesn't mean that no one will be, and when someone interprets what oppa said or did differently than the way you interpret it, acknowledge their concerns as valid and don't try to convince them to think your way.
Similarly, bear in mind that while you may be the type of person who can acknowledge that what oppa said/did was offensive and continue to be his fan, not everyone will be able to feel that way. And that's fine. Some people will not want to engage with Block B after hearing Zico say "no homo." Some people will not want to engage with Boom after seeing him put on blackface. THAT IS OKAY. Their responses are just as valid and understandable as yours is. If someone doesn't like Zico or doesn't like Kikwang or doesn't like Eeteuk, don't badger them about it. Don't give them the impression that oppa is more important than their feelings, because he's not.
5. And finally, the things we like do not define our worth as people.
For those of you who are so offended by what oppa said/did that you can no longer engage with his group/media/existence (which is fine!), also keep this in mind: The things that people like don't define their worth as people. Let me say that again: The things that people like do not define their worth as people. If someone chooses to acknowledge that what Zico said was problematic and continue being a Block B fan, that does not make them a bad person and does not mean that you should be demeaning or disrespectful. It just means that you've approached the same media from two different paths, and that perhaps you shouldn't talk about that media (if you're friends) or that you should agree to disagree and stop commenting (if you're not).
I hope this has been at least somewhat interesting and informative, and if you have anything you'd like to add or discuss, feel free to leave a comment!
COMMENTING FOR THIS POST IS NOW AVAILABLE HERE.
*This only applies in cases where oppa said something stupid or did something stupid that is harmful only in an indirect, cutural-stereotype-reinforcing manner. In instances where oppa is convicted of a crime against another person, like rape or assault, as far as I'm concerned oppa is a bad person.
** This post has been very much informed by several blog posts and discussions with friends, but the most notable mention is The Social Justice League's How to be a fan of problematic things, which I also recommend you check out for non-kpop-specific tips!