Suez -- Mikkel Diskerud/Jared Jeffrey
Title: Suez
Pairing: Mikkel Diskerud/Jared Jeffrey
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not real, all fiction. I know nothing about these players.
Notes: For parka_girl for making me pay attention to these U20 players. Set after the United States' 4-1 victory over Cameroon.
You've never felt more alone than you do those first few days in Egypt. You know your English is fine, most of the time, and you're definitely sure you deserve to be there, but it's still strange. You haven't lived in the U.S. since you were too little to remember it, and it feels like everyone else has known each other since, like, birth -- youth teams and Bradenton (wherever that is) and U17s and now the same pro teams, and you can't help feeling like you've missed out on something. You're not sure what, but there it is. No matter how nice everyone is to you -- and they are, there's no problem there -- you just feel out of place.
And then you get dropped for the second game, and you sort of wonder why you’re even there. You know you’re being ridiculous and overdramatic, but you’re a little disappointed, no matter how much you try to fight it or tell yourself it doesn’t matter. You know it’s good they won, since you’d be pretty much fucked otherwise, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’d prefer 1-0 with you to 4-1 without, no matter what that does to the goal differential. It’s stupid and petty and all those other things you’d thought you’d outgrown, but maybe you’re regressing or something, because you spend the second half on the bench not talking to anyone and wishing you were at home.
You're quiet on the ride back to the hotel, sitting in a row by yourself, and you wish more than anything that you could make yourself act normal. Or even like a halfway decent person, but all you can think about is what this means for you and the South Korea game and if you came all this way, missed the end of your season, for one game and that's it. You can't stop thinking about it, staring out the window and only half-listening to everyone else and before you know it you're at the hotel. You walk back to your room without talking to anyone, and you're hoping that Jared decides to hang out with guys who actually played or go play foosball or pool or FIFA or something, anything besides coming back to your room and talking.
It works for a while, and you manage to shower and change and even find something in English on TV before Jared comes back. But then there he is, and he's smaller than you, but he somehow takes up all the space in the room, loud and enthusiastic, just this constant stream of talking about the game and how excited he is for Friday and you were seriously about to go to bed before he came in, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon. You make the right noises and sound interested, you hope, but either you're a bad actor or he knows you better than you thought, because he gives you this look like he knows exactly what you're thinking.
"What's wrong?"
You were really hoping that he wasn't going to ask you that. "What? Nothing."
"Come on. You weren't this quiet after Germany, and we lost that one."
You shrug. "Just tired."
He rolls his eyes. "Dude, you didn't even play."
"Whatever. I'm going to bed." You know you're acting childish, but you don't really care. If you go to sleep maybe he'll stop talking about the game and things can get back to normal in the morning. You stand up and start to pull the covers back, but he stops you.
"Seriously. What's going on?"
You want to make something up, like maybe Stabaek lost or your dog is sick, but it's not like either of those sounds any better than the truth, so you just tell him. "I just. It's hard getting benched. But I'm happy for you guys." It's almost the truth, and it's better than "I'm lonely and homesick," and you shrug and get into bed.
You can tell he doesn't know how to respond, and you wish you hadn't said anything, because now you're totally the bad teammate and odds are he feels like an asshole for being happy. Just another thing you've fucked up, and you really wish he had just let you go to sleep. You close your eyes, turning on your side and settling under the covers, and you are so ready for this day to be over.
You feel the bed sink a little and you know Jared's sitting next to you. You don't want to turn and look, but you do. He's right there, way closer than you thought, and you can't read the expression on his face -- you expected pity or annoyance, but it's not either of those. You sit up and, seriously, you just want to sleep.
"What, Jared? I'm sorry." You know you're being a brat, but you can't really stop yourself.
He shakes his head. "No, it's ... it's okay." And then he moves a little closer, leaning in, and before you can react he's kissing you. It's gentle, almost shy, and you didn't expect it, but you really don't mind.
You pull back a little, looking at him and you have no idea what's going on here, but you press your fingers to his cheek, down to his jaw. He looks worried and a little hopeful, and you don't really want to talk, because you're pretty sure whatever you say will mess things up. So you sit up more, even closer, and kiss him back.
It's awkward, a little, but mostly it's good, his mouth opening against yours slowly, and your hand moves down to his hip, pulling him closer until he's basically straddling you. He kisses you harder, biting your lower lip until you gasp, and maybe this is what you needed. It'll probably get complicated later, maybe, but right now Jared's hand is pressing against the back of your neck, fingers twisting in your hair, pulling just a little and you can't think about anything else. You moan softly before you can stop yourself, and he breaks the kiss, looking at you and grinning.
"Okay?" You sort of hate him for stopping, but at least you're not the only one breathing hard.
"Yes."
"What do you want to do?"
You knew this question was coming, but you still don't really have an answer. "This, um. This is good."
He kisses you again. "Good." He lies down next to you, almost sprawling on your bed, and you turn on your side again, facing him and pushing the covers back until he can crawl under them with you. You wake up in the morning with Jared's head on your chest and your legs tangled with his. He stirs a little, not fully awake, and you kiss him quickly and think maybe you're not out of place anymore.
Pairing: Mikkel Diskerud/Jared Jeffrey
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not real, all fiction. I know nothing about these players.
Notes: For parka_girl for making me pay attention to these U20 players. Set after the United States' 4-1 victory over Cameroon.
You've never felt more alone than you do those first few days in Egypt. You know your English is fine, most of the time, and you're definitely sure you deserve to be there, but it's still strange. You haven't lived in the U.S. since you were too little to remember it, and it feels like everyone else has known each other since, like, birth -- youth teams and Bradenton (wherever that is) and U17s and now the same pro teams, and you can't help feeling like you've missed out on something. You're not sure what, but there it is. No matter how nice everyone is to you -- and they are, there's no problem there -- you just feel out of place.
And then you get dropped for the second game, and you sort of wonder why you’re even there. You know you’re being ridiculous and overdramatic, but you’re a little disappointed, no matter how much you try to fight it or tell yourself it doesn’t matter. You know it’s good they won, since you’d be pretty much fucked otherwise, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’d prefer 1-0 with you to 4-1 without, no matter what that does to the goal differential. It’s stupid and petty and all those other things you’d thought you’d outgrown, but maybe you’re regressing or something, because you spend the second half on the bench not talking to anyone and wishing you were at home.
You're quiet on the ride back to the hotel, sitting in a row by yourself, and you wish more than anything that you could make yourself act normal. Or even like a halfway decent person, but all you can think about is what this means for you and the South Korea game and if you came all this way, missed the end of your season, for one game and that's it. You can't stop thinking about it, staring out the window and only half-listening to everyone else and before you know it you're at the hotel. You walk back to your room without talking to anyone, and you're hoping that Jared decides to hang out with guys who actually played or go play foosball or pool or FIFA or something, anything besides coming back to your room and talking.
It works for a while, and you manage to shower and change and even find something in English on TV before Jared comes back. But then there he is, and he's smaller than you, but he somehow takes up all the space in the room, loud and enthusiastic, just this constant stream of talking about the game and how excited he is for Friday and you were seriously about to go to bed before he came in, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon. You make the right noises and sound interested, you hope, but either you're a bad actor or he knows you better than you thought, because he gives you this look like he knows exactly what you're thinking.
"What's wrong?"
You were really hoping that he wasn't going to ask you that. "What? Nothing."
"Come on. You weren't this quiet after Germany, and we lost that one."
You shrug. "Just tired."
He rolls his eyes. "Dude, you didn't even play."
"Whatever. I'm going to bed." You know you're acting childish, but you don't really care. If you go to sleep maybe he'll stop talking about the game and things can get back to normal in the morning. You stand up and start to pull the covers back, but he stops you.
"Seriously. What's going on?"
You want to make something up, like maybe Stabaek lost or your dog is sick, but it's not like either of those sounds any better than the truth, so you just tell him. "I just. It's hard getting benched. But I'm happy for you guys." It's almost the truth, and it's better than "I'm lonely and homesick," and you shrug and get into bed.
You can tell he doesn't know how to respond, and you wish you hadn't said anything, because now you're totally the bad teammate and odds are he feels like an asshole for being happy. Just another thing you've fucked up, and you really wish he had just let you go to sleep. You close your eyes, turning on your side and settling under the covers, and you are so ready for this day to be over.
You feel the bed sink a little and you know Jared's sitting next to you. You don't want to turn and look, but you do. He's right there, way closer than you thought, and you can't read the expression on his face -- you expected pity or annoyance, but it's not either of those. You sit up and, seriously, you just want to sleep.
"What, Jared? I'm sorry." You know you're being a brat, but you can't really stop yourself.
He shakes his head. "No, it's ... it's okay." And then he moves a little closer, leaning in, and before you can react he's kissing you. It's gentle, almost shy, and you didn't expect it, but you really don't mind.
You pull back a little, looking at him and you have no idea what's going on here, but you press your fingers to his cheek, down to his jaw. He looks worried and a little hopeful, and you don't really want to talk, because you're pretty sure whatever you say will mess things up. So you sit up more, even closer, and kiss him back.
It's awkward, a little, but mostly it's good, his mouth opening against yours slowly, and your hand moves down to his hip, pulling him closer until he's basically straddling you. He kisses you harder, biting your lower lip until you gasp, and maybe this is what you needed. It'll probably get complicated later, maybe, but right now Jared's hand is pressing against the back of your neck, fingers twisting in your hair, pulling just a little and you can't think about anything else. You moan softly before you can stop yourself, and he breaks the kiss, looking at you and grinning.
"Okay?" You sort of hate him for stopping, but at least you're not the only one breathing hard.
"Yes."
"What do you want to do?"
You knew this question was coming, but you still don't really have an answer. "This, um. This is good."
He kisses you again. "Good." He lies down next to you, almost sprawling on your bed, and you turn on your side again, facing him and pushing the covers back until he can crawl under them with you. You wake up in the morning with Jared's head on your chest and your legs tangled with his. He stirs a little, not fully awake, and you kiss him quickly and think maybe you're not out of place anymore.