(no subject)
My head so isn't in the right mode right now. I've worked for about 9 hours today on computer graphics and 7 hours yesterday and probably 10 on Thursday. It is due midnight tomorrow. I don't want to work on it anymore. They other two people in the group can do some shit. Meh.
I'm starting to get paranoid and wondering if people think I'm not doing enough or if they don't like me or don't like what I'm doing and they just won't tell me. This mostly has to do with school. I don't know how to head this off. It might be because I'm not in control of most of the teams I'm working on. That and my worldbuilding teacher and classmates seem to go silent when I'm presenting my stuff and don't discuss what I've come up with. Have I been doing less than others? What more should I be doing? Argh. So paranoid. Doesn't help that I don't have any one person I can go to, lean on, and know I mean something to them, even if the rest of the world thinks I suck. Of course, doing that is often just a pretty trap.
Out of money. Well, after I pay the most recent bills, that is. Have been using my credit card to slow the slide, but it is happening. I wish I could get the money I'm owed. Should have also done and turned in my taxes before now. Need to do it soon. Once I figure out how much I'll be getting back from my return, I'll have to borrow from my parents. I don't want to, but I'm not about to get late fees and have my rates go up and the half a dozen other things that happen. Need to resolve this soon.
This last week I went in to see my counselor to figure out which classes I should be taking. I knew basically what I needed to do to graduate and had planned it out, I just wanted to make sure I was correct. However, during the exchange, she asked if I was applying for internships and stuff. I said that I intended to, but so far, I'd been too busy. She replied that it will always be busy. *ding* A light went on. Such a little thing, but I can't keep putting stuff off, because I'll always be busy and I either do them now, or quite possibly never. This includes exercise and applying for scholarships and internships and doing homework and even taking time off. I have to keep this one in mind.
Of course, I need to apply this to food, too, and make the food I have in the fridge so I can take it with me during the week and not have to buy nasty fast-food (or even good fast-food). So bad of me to not be doing this more.
So, scared and lonely and swamped would just about describe my current state.
I'm starting to get paranoid and wondering if people think I'm not doing enough or if they don't like me or don't like what I'm doing and they just won't tell me. This mostly has to do with school. I don't know how to head this off. It might be because I'm not in control of most of the teams I'm working on. That and my worldbuilding teacher and classmates seem to go silent when I'm presenting my stuff and don't discuss what I've come up with. Have I been doing less than others? What more should I be doing? Argh. So paranoid. Doesn't help that I don't have any one person I can go to, lean on, and know I mean something to them, even if the rest of the world thinks I suck. Of course, doing that is often just a pretty trap.
Out of money. Well, after I pay the most recent bills, that is. Have been using my credit card to slow the slide, but it is happening. I wish I could get the money I'm owed. Should have also done and turned in my taxes before now. Need to do it soon. Once I figure out how much I'll be getting back from my return, I'll have to borrow from my parents. I don't want to, but I'm not about to get late fees and have my rates go up and the half a dozen other things that happen. Need to resolve this soon.
This last week I went in to see my counselor to figure out which classes I should be taking. I knew basically what I needed to do to graduate and had planned it out, I just wanted to make sure I was correct. However, during the exchange, she asked if I was applying for internships and stuff. I said that I intended to, but so far, I'd been too busy. She replied that it will always be busy. *ding* A light went on. Such a little thing, but I can't keep putting stuff off, because I'll always be busy and I either do them now, or quite possibly never. This includes exercise and applying for scholarships and internships and doing homework and even taking time off. I have to keep this one in mind.
Of course, I need to apply this to food, too, and make the food I have in the fridge so I can take it with me during the week and not have to buy nasty fast-food (or even good fast-food). So bad of me to not be doing this more.
So, scared and lonely and swamped would just about describe my current state.