another english assignment
Please cite and discuss a quotation, phrase, or statement which has had an influence on your life.
“A work that aspires, however humbly, to the condition of art should carry its justification in every line.” - Joseph Conrad
Somehow, it just does not do to view life as a race any longer. Existence is not a marathon. I cannot press my side to relieve the cramping forever; always hoping the finish line is around the next curve. My fingers cannot stay under my last rib, throwing me off balance as my free arm and legs push me hard toward the time or place it will all finally end. Salt and sweat seeping into my squinted eyes. “Soon it will be over, soon I will reach the end.” No, this does not do.
Until I was fifteen, I had a skewed vision of life. I saw each day as a box on the calendar that I could mark with an x once I had struggled through the required suffering. Living was penance for being human. Moments of joy were fuel for stretches of endless depression: laughter was merely a stepladder in a chasm.
But that year something managed to change me. I found the biggest rejection of my life so that I could find the most amazing feeling of acceptance. I began to realize I’d been viewing life through a “Christian” lens, without Christ. I had been neglecting to see that each day I woke with a purpose. The God of the universe was choosing to hold me together for another day. I was still breathing each morning not to overcome, but to paint, to create. The sun illuminated a canvas, not a chasm. It was not that my life should imitate art, but that my life should become art.
It was not until some recent months ago that I devoured the quotation above. Conrad was not simply putting his thoughts on paper and publishing them, he was sending these words to me. It was no longer enough to think of life becoming art, I had to justify those thoughts in every action, every second my lungs hold breath.
But this idea has not truly taken hold in my life. To the contrary, I must implant it in soil of each new morning. Truer words were never spoken: I am a poor farmer. Some days I am simply forgetful, others see me sabotaging my crop around noon. I do not believe this philosophy will really reign in my life until I have run out of life to live, but seeking to uphold this creed brings meaning to each day, and completes my turn around. For if I can never expect to fully justify my art, the only significance is in the running each day: the finish line means nothing.