Yea....so.....
This thing is here for me to vent in right?
Yea thought so...
So ive been doin alot of thinking lately, about alot of things...
Dave means alot to me...im just not 100% sure just how much. At times when we are apart for a few days all i can think of is him and how much i miss him, and thoughts of the idea of me possibly falling in love with him spring to mind....then at times, im not sure how i feel about him. Am i weird? Or scared? Or just scarred from previous relationships? I read this article the other day that 99% of the time women base all their present/future relationships on those of the past....such as i had a shitty relationship with my father....finally gave into a boy and gave him my all and got shit on. So am i basing this relationship with dave on the fact that i cant trust men because none have been trustworthy or done anything good for me? I dont kno...at first i thought it was a crock of shit...but idk for sure...I mean i think i may love dave....but i KNOW im scared of letting myself "fall" cause i dont wanna be hurt again...and i kno....i shouldnt base things on the past, but its human nature...
I think i fucked up tonight even tho he didnt act like it....
I went n hung out with Jason...he was upset and needed a friend so i was there. I didnt think anything of it til i got home and saw that dave had called to tell me he got to niagara falls safely....then it hit me. I would be so jealous and pissy if i found out he was hangin with another girl...i know me and i would be soooo jealous, just not act like it....so i was honest when he asked me what i did tonight....he seemed fine, so why did i have this guilt cloud still lingering above my head when we hung up? I had to call back and make sure he was ok with it....he said he was cause he trusts me....so why am i still insistant???? Did some lil part of me want him to be jealous cause i would be? Im not sure but i do kno i probly wont do it again....cause if i were on the other end...id be uncomfortable....
Then theres this....
I randomly start to think about brian....not in a "i still want him" sort of way but a "i still love that boy" sort of way....I dont want him and im not IN LOVE with him...i just guess i....miss....him.....am i abnormal to think of him when i am beyond happy with dave?
So many questions are running through my mind....
I just wish i had the answers.....
Maybe this is all just coming out cause i miss dave so much its disgusting....
Im sure ill feel better tomorrow when i get to hear his voice again....
Yea thought so...
So ive been doin alot of thinking lately, about alot of things...
Dave means alot to me...im just not 100% sure just how much. At times when we are apart for a few days all i can think of is him and how much i miss him, and thoughts of the idea of me possibly falling in love with him spring to mind....then at times, im not sure how i feel about him. Am i weird? Or scared? Or just scarred from previous relationships? I read this article the other day that 99% of the time women base all their present/future relationships on those of the past....such as i had a shitty relationship with my father....finally gave into a boy and gave him my all and got shit on. So am i basing this relationship with dave on the fact that i cant trust men because none have been trustworthy or done anything good for me? I dont kno...at first i thought it was a crock of shit...but idk for sure...I mean i think i may love dave....but i KNOW im scared of letting myself "fall" cause i dont wanna be hurt again...and i kno....i shouldnt base things on the past, but its human nature...
I think i fucked up tonight even tho he didnt act like it....
I went n hung out with Jason...he was upset and needed a friend so i was there. I didnt think anything of it til i got home and saw that dave had called to tell me he got to niagara falls safely....then it hit me. I would be so jealous and pissy if i found out he was hangin with another girl...i know me and i would be soooo jealous, just not act like it....so i was honest when he asked me what i did tonight....he seemed fine, so why did i have this guilt cloud still lingering above my head when we hung up? I had to call back and make sure he was ok with it....he said he was cause he trusts me....so why am i still insistant???? Did some lil part of me want him to be jealous cause i would be? Im not sure but i do kno i probly wont do it again....cause if i were on the other end...id be uncomfortable....
Then theres this....
I randomly start to think about brian....not in a "i still want him" sort of way but a "i still love that boy" sort of way....I dont want him and im not IN LOVE with him...i just guess i....miss....him.....am i abnormal to think of him when i am beyond happy with dave?
So many questions are running through my mind....
I just wish i had the answers.....
Maybe this is all just coming out cause i miss dave so much its disgusting....
Im sure ill feel better tomorrow when i get to hear his voice again....