His Majesty III: A Glimpse of the Past
As Baekhyun walks away from Yifan, he finds it hard to maintain his balance and his demeanor, most especially when every servant and guard is roving the castle. The problems at court is taking a toll on his body and he regrets massively he did not eat anything for breakfast. As he takes a turn towards his chambers, he felt gladly relieved as one of his ladies-in-waiting, Lady Jongdae, came into view.
“Hello!” Jongdae gleefully paid his respects. “How is my Queen?”
“Jongdae, please. It’s too early for your noise.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes but hid his smile. “Thank you for accompanying me inside the throne room. I couldn't have done it without your support.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Your Majesty.”
As soon as they had gone inside the Queen’s chambers, Jongdae faced Baekhyun and held his hand, “I had word you had a bit of a rough talk with Yifan. How was it? You were not throwing daggers to each other when we exited the throne room.” He asked, quite concerned, as he toned down his voice.
The Queen smiled gratefully towards his lady as he looked down and clasped Jongdae’s hands and muttered, “I don’t think we will ever patch things up, Jongdae. I will forever be the traitor Queen he will always know. Nothing can ever change that fact.” Baekhyun muttered as he sat down at his bench and looked around his surroundings. “You know I’ve come to love this room. I think I will be dying here, too. On the edict of the King.”
Jongdae sighed as he sat down beside the Queen. “Baekhyun, I’m sure there must be another way for the two of you to reconcile things over. Why not give him a chance? Every time I look at Yifan, all I see in his eyes are constant love for you.”
“He doesn’t love me anymore, Jongdae. I’m quite sure you know about this. He doesn't completely trust me anymore. I can’t trust him likewise.”
“If you are only thinking about how he misunderstood on you writing to Junsu about your problems at court and asking how things are with Scotland and Jaejoong twisting your words ever since he knew about your letters, please, my Queen, do not fret. I am sure he does not completely blame you for a fault that could also have been his. He has neglected you for months.”
“It’s over. It is really over. I do not know how else I will be gaining back his trust. It doesn't matter if I worry or not, my head will be off for treason once this feud with the English gets settled. Besides, Jaejoong already twisted my words in a way I cannot even defend myself. He says I am planning to go back to Scotland to claim back my throne and leave Yifan and France behind. How do I defend myself to something that is almost close to the truth?”
“But Baekhyun, you are doing it not just for yourself but for Scotland. I’m sure he will be doing it the same way as you if it were him in your place. Try to talk to him, Baek. And I’m not saying this just because I’m a huge supporter of your love story, and not because I care for Scotland and France, but as your friend.” Jongdae halted as a knock on the door disturbed them which revealed to be Lady Lu Han and Lady Zitao.
“I had word about your argument with Yifan. How are you, Baekhyun?” Zitao rushed in, walking in long strides to reach Baekhyun faster.
Jongdae huffed, “He was about to tell me his feelings, apparently, until you came in that door.” Lu Han smiled at this as he sat down next to the Queen, his hand supporting the small of Baekhyun’s back.
“I’m sorry if I want to know what’s happening with him, too. You’re not the only one of his ladies and I have the right to know anything happening with my Queen.” Zitao murmured.
“You selfish whore.”
“Enough. And Jongdae, language.” Baekhyun cleared his throat. He loved watching his ladies-in-waiting get all worked up in defending their own beliefs. Yet, he wished this moment would forever be ingrained in his memory. It seemed everything was back to normal.
“Apologies, Your Majesty.” Jongdae bowed down. “Anyway, I was just about to tell you, that you do know this thing with the English won’t get settled, right? Baekhyun, you’re the legitimate heir to the English throne. No matter what you do, Kyungsoo would want you dead to secure his claim. And Baek, I know Yifan loves you. Both of you have been in so much pain and suffering yet all I see are two strong and loving couple. Both of you need time, I am sure you must know that. Do not be anxious, he will be back with you. Just be patient as he had been with you. We must always be by his side, no matter how much pain we are feeling. Baekhyun, you're married. Let your love and strength be a guide for Yifan to see the light. Let him hold on to you. Let both of you depend on each other for a while.”
Baekhyun looked at his ladies and his friends of childhood. He wished there was nothing that could break them apart, nothing to let him doubt their loyalties. He loved his friends and he would do everything just to make them happy. He cleared his throat and managed to say, “Alright, I will try. But I’m not promising you anything. I really don’t see how my presence could have an effect on him, knowing that he still carries the anger that I betrayed France and his trust.”
“Trust me. He feels a lot worse.” Lu Han murmurs.
And Baekhyun wonders how Jongdae knows a lot of things and thinks it’s better like that. That he doesn't know a lot of things going on with Yifan because if he does, he might come running back to him when he knows Yifan will push him away. After all, how can you mend something as fragile as a trust that has been broken? He wouldn't want any one of his dearest friends to get mad at him for something petty as this.
There was a knock on his door as the ladies were readying themselves to go back to the hall to arrange things that needs to get done for the feast. The door opened wide and Yifan strode in.
“May I have a moment with Baekhyun?”
The ladies nodded and excused themselves.
As soon as they were alone, Baekhyun stood up and walked towards the open window, admiring the view of the lake in this beautiful sunny day. He wished Yifan wouldn't ruin it.
“Baekhyun, please talk to me.” Yifan started as he crossed to where Baekhyun is standing, admiring the view. “Please. Until when are we going to have this? Until when are you going to stay in this chamber?”
Baekhyun heaved a deep sigh as he turned around and looked at Yifan directly in the eyes. “Until you realize that it is not my fault. I did not plot against you or France. Yifan, you have to believe me. I needed to know how things are going with my mother back in Scotland. Those were the letters your mother saw. It is not easy to govern when you are not in the place where you should rule. Please understand me, Yifan. I am only doing it for my country and believe me when I say that I am not planning to leave you, or France behind.” He looked down. “You started avoiding me and I thought it was best to just stay out of your way as long as I can. But problems at court keep coming up one by one that I am forced to be in your line of vision all the time.”
The door makes a startling noise as it opens wide and Jaejoong, the Queen Mother, strides in with air of confidence engulfing the room; a smile on his youthful face. “I see you are clearing things out with my son.” Stern, pitched and clipped tone shook the room.
Yifan groaned as he looked behind, “Mother, please. We are talking.”
Baekhyun raised his eyebrow. “It is really kind of you to come visit me in my chambers, Jaejoong. But, you and I both know that you loathed me ever since I stepped foot in this castle. Do not blame me if I find it hard to believe of this nice gesture of you visiting me in broad daylight. It has always been a thought to me why you hate me so much. You’ve cared for me when I was little, but you just threw that away when I married your son.”
Jaejoong scoffed, “My dear, dear Baekhyun. Can’t I just visit my in-law? Why do you have to put such negative emphasis on me being a good mother-in-law?”
“Simply because I do not believe in any of this. You just hate the fact that your son married a Queen you can’t control.”
Jaejoong let out a contented sigh and smirked as he walked towards Baekhyun and whispered softly, “Alright then, I’ll tell you the truth. No, I didn’t hate you when you married my son. Yifan’s welfare is all I ever wanted for him. For France and his enemies abroad to bow down to his feet but when YOU couldn’t bear him a child-”.
“Mother, enough!” Yifan shoots his mother a warning look.
Baekhyun looked at Yifan as he felt his heart clenching, whispering, “Is this the reason why you kept your distance from me? All because of that one mistake?”
Yifan shut his eyes as he heaved a deep sigh before looking back at him. “It’s not just a little mistake, Baekhyun.” He makes a move to walk near him. “How many times do I have to tell you? We don’t lead normal lives. We are the King and Queen of this nation. I told you we can't act on whim. We are rulers. We have a country to rule, with a clear head. I need an heir.”
As the words of his true feelings were out in the open, Baekhyun couldn't find it in himself to stand upright properly. “Oh so that’s what you did when you ignored me for months? You ruled with a clear head? Right.” His voice shook with every word he spoke.
“For once be a Queen, Baekhyun. Acknowledge the truth!” Jaejoong glowered.
“What do I have to prove to you? Was this the reason the clause was made? So that if I fail once more, just as what has happened, you would be laughing in my face as you take over my country? Do you know that this only makes you a notorious liar, Jaejoong? You have completely disregarded the fact that you have denied your lies in front of Yifan, telling him that I am going to leave France without such a solid evidence. Without you utterly knowing you have untwisted every single lie you mentioned to your son, making me just the victim of your-“
“You have no right to talk to the Queen of this country like that, Baekhyun!” Yifan bellowed.
Baekhyun was shocked on Yifan’s booming voice. He never once raised his voice like that to him and it hurts him deeply how wrong all his emerging hopes were. He felt his body shake with pain that he finds his voice softer than normal and quivering in the cold winter. “I really can’t believe you. I was so foolish to think that there is still hope for us. I was wrong.” Baekhyun turns around fast enough before Jaejoong sees the fear, betrayal and hurt in his eyes and mocks him for it, but stops, “I will take my leave. I must attend to the preparation of the feast tonight at the banquet hall. There must be something wrong in it that I could fix, even if I couldn’t for my own marriage.”
Yifan held Baekhyun’s arm to keep him from going. “Baek, please don’t go. Let’s settle this, once and for all. Please.”
Baekhyun makes no move as Yifan turns to Jaejoong, “Mother, please leave us.”
“What? But I-”
“You have already contributed so much in this so just please go.”
Jaejoong took one last look towards Baekhyun who seemed rooted at his spot and muttered, “Alright then.”
As soon as they were alone once again in his room, Baekhyun faces Yifan with a softening gaze and tears pooling in his eyes. “What do you want us to talk about? You have already made yourself clear. You’re still punish me for losing our child. Isn't that all there is to it?”
Yifan avoided his eyes and said, “No.”
Baekhyun scoffed as he shrug off his arm from Yifan’s hold. “Don’t play with me. I am not your toy.”
“Alright, yes! I am still hurt over the fact that you lost our child! Seeing you just reminds me of the past.”
Baekhyun’s tears dropped as he looked down. “I have already asked for your forgiveness on this. But do you know what hurts more? It’s the fact that you weren’t by my side the day I lost him.”
“Do not be unfair, Baekhyun. You can’t blame me for being sullen on losing my child. I swore to myself the moment I married you that I will be yours. Truly. And that I will do everything just to protect you and your crown. Now, you saying that I wasn’t beside you during that time is a pain I always carry around. One that you do not know.” He looked at him straight in the eyes. “Do you know how many times I tormented myself for attending to the matters of the country first before attending to you knowing the physician has told me that you are in your dangerous stage of pregnancy? He told me that it is rare for men like us to have a child yet I did not listen. I blame myself for everything that has happened to you. And now that Kyungsoo is closer to us than I could have ever imagined, I am frightened that he might harm you. I can’t forgive myself if anything happens to you one more time.”
“And yet you pushed me away. You keep on pushing me away.”
Yifan looked away as he sat down on the bench at the foot of Baekhyun’s bed. Hands on his thighs, he looked up at Baekhyun, eyes searching for the other’s. “Forgive me.”
Baekhyun turned around as he wiped his cheeks. “I am in no position for that luxury called forgiveness as I lost your child.” He walked towards the door as he gave him one last look before softly saying, “I only wanted you to be happy. Yet, it seems I am the cause of your heartache.”
Once again, Yifan is left alone in a room where traces of Baekhyun’s scent still lingers in the air. He wishes he did not mutter the foolish things he had said. This is why we have the old saying “Past is past.”
-
The three ladies were all in Lady Lu Han’s quarters, trying to make sense of what is happening between the Royal Couple. Jongdae insisted for Sehun to stay as Lu Han seemed quite distraught with everything at the moment but he made an excuse to go saying he had to attend elsewhere.
Zitao paced back and forth as Lu Han and Jongdae sat on the couch and looked more calm than the youngest. “I do not see why Yifan can’t still forgive Baekhyun. This has been going on for months! Plus, it is the past! And I don’t think this is just about the letters. Jaejoong has been completely against Baekhyun ever since the start of their married life.” He exclaimed.
Jongdae was about to answer him when there was a knock on the door with the announcement that the Queen has arrived. As Baekhyun entered the quarters, looking limp and flushed cheeks still stained, the three ladies rushed forward to support the Queen before he collapses.
“Your Majesty, are you alright?”
“I-”
“Were you able to talk to each other? What happened, Baekhyun?” Jongdae asked as he ushered the Queen to sit on the couch. With the quivering Baekhyun and winter air chilling enough, Lady Lu Han instructs his servants to light up the fireplace.
“He asked for forgiveness, but I couldn’t give it to him. Why couldn't I?” Baekhyun cried as several limbs all reached out to comfort him. “I was the one with the massive sin yet I deprived him of forgiveness. God forgive me, please.” And he cried yet again. “I desperately wanted to forgive him for leaving me alone all this time, yet I couldn’t. Why couldn’t I?”
Lady Jongdae’s heart broke as he saw his friend crying before him. He wishes that he could take away the pain, or even half of what he is feeling right now just to see the smile that used to grace the castle. He misses Baekhyun, the light and how he unconsciously touches the lives of everyone around him. “My Queen, please stop weeping. I hate to see you weak like this. It makes our heart filled with regret that we can’t give anything just to ease your pain.”
Zitao who was silently crying with him sniffed as he, too, expressed his concern. “I am sorry for being such a stubborn lady, my Queen. If being a good companion to you will make your heart feel just a little better, I would gladly stop ruining Lu Han and Sehun’s road to eternal happiness.”
Lu Han gasped in shock. “Zitao, how dare you accuse me of having an interest with the King’s brother?”
The Queen smiled, despite exposing his weakness towards his ladies. He wondered if he could ever trust them but the point has been proven just now. He is willing to entrust his own life to his friends, and his friends, too, would entrust all themselves willingly to the Queen. “Do not ever, for one second, think that I will trade you for anything. You are the family I only have in this castle and you know me better than anyone else. I am so grateful for your concerns that I feel I am not taking my responsibility seriously.” He turned to Lu Han as he wiped his tears, “My lady, I do not wish for you to stop whatever it is from happening between you and Sehun. If you truly like him, and I clearly see he likes you as well, you have my blessing. I can arrange for the two of you to get married soon.”
“But Baekhyun, marrying Sehun would mean I will no longer be your lady and I do not want that.”
“Sooner or later, you will all find a dashing young man with a favorable status as your husbands. My sincere wish is that you do not let go of this opportunity once you find it.” He turns to Lu Han and smiled. “And, Lu Han, you will always be my lady. You will never lose your position, unless of course, you would want me to let you go.”
I hope he is that dashing young man.