Dear Universe, sometimes I really do need to be bashed over the head in order to notice things.
Soooo, I bought this book: E-Squared Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality by Pam Grout. I really started understanding the energy that surrounds us and creates us a few years ago, when I learned about Reiki. It was pivotal in my spiritual enlightenment. The past year I've been learning more about your mindset and intentions and envisioning your future. I thoroughly believe that our thoughts and emotions physically change the cells in our bodies, and alter our world around us, yet I've never gotten on board with The Secret or anything along that line.
But Danielle LaPorte guided me through zeroing in on my Core Desired Feelings, and using them to make decisions, Leonie Dawson is walking me though her Amazing Life Workbook, which is entirely thought and feeling and focus based. I created a beautiful, collaged Vision board for myself for the first time and put it on my wall on New Year's Eve - it makes me feel happy and excited and somehow peaceful every time I look at it.
Yesterday I start reading E2, and it's all about this stuff:
What I'd like to suggest is that this invisible energy field is 100 percent reliable. It works every time, like a math principle or a law of physics. Your every thought always affects physical reality.
If you've been in metaphysical, spiritual circles for any time at all, you already know your thoughts create your reality, that there's a power in the universe that can heal, and that you and you alone design your own life. Unfortunately, there's still this tiny little problem, this one itty-bitty catch. You don't really believe it. Not really.
If you weren't immersed in this nonstop riot of fragmented, old-school thinking, you'd be modifying your life at will. You'd have no fear around money, you'd have nothing but beautiful relationships, and you'd be so ecstatically content that it would never occur to you to pick up a book like this.
Learning, through scientific experimentation, how deeply you are connected to the field of potentiality will literally set you free.
Quantum physics defines the field as "invisible moving forces that influence the physical realm."
You do have to plug into it. And you do have to quit being so gosh-darned wishy-washy.
The nine energy principles presented in this book will confirm that the FP is at work in your life whether you're aware of its existence or not. You'll learn that it's more profound than physical laws and every bot as dependable as gravity - once you learn to be definite and crystal clear in your intentions. And agree to set deadlines. And get over this crazy illusion that something - you're never even sure what - is wrong with you. To effectively work these spiritual laws, you have to "get it" deep down in your bones that the universe is bountiful and that, at all times, it has your back.
That's what your thoughts are - vibrational energy waves that interact and influence the FP. Every thought you have, have ever had, or will ever have creates a vibration that goes out into the FP, extending forever. These vibrations meet other vibrations, crisscrossing I'm an incredible maze of energy. Get enough energy together and it clumps into matter. The field of potentiality simply follows the energy you send out. And your thought vibrations draw other vibrations that match.
The coincidences we see in our lives are just energy and the FP at work. Most of the time, we employ energy inadvertently, totally oblivious to the fact that what we think, say, and do makes a difference. Consequently, we activate this limitless power to follow a default program that makes no use of imagination or possibility.
The minute you make an intention, you create it. It's instantaneous. It exists as an actual thing. You don't see it yet because you're still operating from linear time. You're still sold on the old-school adage "creating things takes time." So you keep working and waiting. But here's what physicists tell us. Things, in the quantum world, do not happen in steps. They happen immediately. So the thing you intend, the minute you intend it, exists, but you're only aware of the reality you choose to observe. The physical manifestation remains enfolded outside your current consciousness.
Once we begin to look at what's right, our lives begin spinning in unimaginably exciting new directions.
Once you define something, you no longer question it. Once you know something, it becomes your reality. But knowing anything is exceedingly restrictive. In quantum speak, it collapses the wave, leaving no room for mystery, wonder, and new discoveries.
To be in the kingdom, as A Course In Miracles puts it, is to merely focus your full attention on it. You have to be willing to perceive nothing else.
The reason 99.9 percent of your mind is still devoted to things you don't want is because that's the world's default setting, what it defines as normal.
Changing your brain can be downright challenging. You just keep taking it back outside and showing it a different reality until it finally realizes, wow, there's a whole big world out there. Your mind will be astonished by the beauty that's available when you put it on the spot. Deep peace will appear. Great ideas will materialize and expand. Joy will rise up. The only thing you need do is devote your mind only to things you want. If you want peace, think of peace. If you want love, think of love. If you want Jimmy Choo pumps, think of Jimmy Choo pumps. Do not think about how peace looks impossible or that love seems fleeting or that there's no money in the bank account for Jimmy Choo pumps. Keep your mind focused only on what you want.
Yeah. Wow.
So I'm reading along and all of a sudden I decide to start reading aloud. To myself, but out loud. And the first sentence I read aloud is, "The greatest discovery and development of the coming years will be along spiritual lines." And I suddenly and immediately got choked up, my eyes filled with tears and I was totally overwhelmed. What the heck?! I believe it. I feel it. I want it and need it. And I want and need to be a part of it. Somehow. "Here is a force which history clearly teaches has been the greatest power in the development of man and history, yet we have been merely playing with it and have never seriously studied it as we have physical forces. Some day people will learn that material things do not being happiness and are of little use in making men and women creative and powerful. Then the scientists of the world will turn their laboratories over to the study of the spiritual forces. When this day comes, the world will see more advancement in one generation than it has in the past four." Charles Proteus Steinmetz
The experiments. The first experiment is: There is an invisible energy force or field of infinite possibilities. We're going to let the FP know that, baby, it's now or never. We want irrefutable proof. We want it now. We are going to give the FP a sign, a clear sign, a sign that cannot be written off. Neon would work. Because we bought this idea that the force is vague and mysterious, we don't really expect to find it. Or at least we're not surprised when we don't. Because we haven't been trained to notice, this inspiring, energizing, life-altering force is zooming in, around, and through us without our awareness.
You're going to ask the FP for a blessing, or what I call an unexpected gift. You're going to give it 48 hours to send you a gift you wouldn't normally receive. As always, it helps to ask for help in recognizing your gift.
So I do it. I ask. I write down the day and time (Sat, March 21, 4:21pm). I get really excited. I love gifts! And surprises! And awesome things!! I get this euphoric feeling like my life is about to get wildly exciting. Bizarre. But awesome. And I do my damnedest to suspend disbelief and skepticism and all my negative thought patterns.
Good things happen: work smooths out almost as soon as I arrive and it's a great night. I go to a house party at G's and have an amazing time meeting people, flirting a little, talking about the Kinsey scale, and how the world will be so much better once we all just know how we each work and all relationships just run smoothly and we're getting everything we want. Hello, amazing! (I need to track down that guy and have a sober conversation with him..) Then at 4am I'm suddenly exhausted, so G and I curl up in his bed. I sleep great with his arm wrapped tightly around me.
Today is also good: I sleep in, start reading Susan Cain's book "Quiet" about introverts, and it's really hitting home. I eat a simple lunch but it's exactly what I wanted (noodles with seaweed and Hawaiian seasoning, and a bowl of broth). I wear my tiger pants and my new necklace from Hawaii, that seems suffused with sunlight and joyous surfer vibes. I meet Andee and Monica for tea and conversation and connection. I go to Jamie and Shann's for cookies and chili.
There have been beautiful moments, but I look back at the experiment and it says "I want a thumbs-up, a clear sign, something that cannot be written off as coincidence." Nothing has been that starkly obvious. I still have 18 hours for the universe to give me my gift..
At 10:34pm Jaimee calls me. While I was in Hawaii, she left a phone message, saying she had this idea and really wanted to run it by me. There were no other details, but she seemed excited, and I was very curious. So we've been planning a phone date, but life kept getting in the way. So we finally connect tonight. And she's anxious to get right into her idea. Her and Jesse think I should come live with them, in a little room our behind their house, on the biodynamic farm they've moved to, for free. So I can save money. And be near them. And they have a job for me, at Howe Sound Brewery's pub. And to top it off, Jaimes mentions all the fit, beautiful guys that are always around Squamish. I'm blown away. To put it mildly. My spirit is excited and I immediately envision it all. Of course, logical brain steps up in short order and starts taking charge with it's "What ifs"... But the kicker to it all, was that only moments before Jaimee phoned, I'd been looking up surfing locations online, and saw a link for a dating site specifically geared towards fit people. So I uncharacteristically clicked on it. And signed up, without providing too much detail. And I searched for men aged 27-39 who listed surfing, hiking and yoga.. Because suddenly that, and drumming and cooking, are ALL I want to do with each and every day. It pops up 684 men within a 50 mile radius of me, and I start scrolling through. I'm waiting for something magical to happen, and peering intently at every photograph, but nothing. It was interesting enough, and I laugh inwardly that the first dating website I sort of sign up for is all about active and fitness based people. The opposite of what I would have imagined 6 months ago. Anyway, so Jaimee tells me her grand idea, and it's exciting, and then she tacks onto the end the bit about the fit, outdoorsy, hunky men.. And totally unbidden my brain starts YELLING, " This is it! It's clear! It's obvious! THIS IS IT!!! The universe is here and listening! "
Of course, my logical brain got involved yet again and tried to tell me that maybe it wasn't really a blessing, but how could an offer of free housing and a job not be an unexpected gift?! It's about the most unexpected gift imaginable.
And I'm intrigued. And I really feel like it's right. But I'm TERRIFIED. To give up my home I love and my job I adore. Very scary stuff. But then Jade and Scott could move into his sisters house, save money, and not feel guilty for leaving me. And maybe Jamie and Shann could move in here, since they're looking for a new place.
May is so soon though! And work is so busy over the summer. And if I took a leave of absence, would they let me back if I wanted to return? Maybe I should just walk away from WR and this home. Get a fresh start. And abide by the saying that you have to let go of something good in order to get something great. And my main CDF is Open, of which Jaimee is my prime example and mentor, and I'd have a chance to live with her and learn from her.
I'm so totally blown away right now.