20/20
It would be spectacular if I could go one day without crying... I'm just saying..
How long have I complained? How long have I wish-washed between desires and choices and such? How long have I thought about us breaking up? And yet now that it's finally happened, I'm a complete and utter wreck, a sobbing, snotting mess, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Speaking of being wishy-washy, I read something the other day (which I spent the better part of this morning trying to locate, and failed to do so), but it was about relationships, and particularly fighting in relationships, and it said something along the lines of how when you make statements about leaving when you're in the heat of the moment, it undermines the security of your relationship. Like if you say, "I could never be with someone who does that." or "If this happens again, I'm out." or anything along those lines. You may not even mean it, or realize you're doing it, but it makes the other person (and you) feel like the relationship is constantly on fragile footing and could collapse at any moment. You need to be able to disagree, fight, argue with your partner and not feel like it's going to destroy you as a couple.
Makes perfect sense, right? I certainly didn't do it on purpose at the time, but I think that I did that a lot. Making blanket statements about what I would and would not accept, threatening to end things if x, y or z occurred... It really is a horrible thing to do. Add to that the fact that I really was never 100% committed, right from the start, and it's no wonder we couldn't make things work. Yeah, so I had bigger plans when Mike and I started hooking up, whoopdeedoo, we hooked up and from that moment on I should have told myself that I was in this thing with Mike, or I wasn't. But I didn't. In fact I never did. Up and down and around and around I went in crazy emotional turmoil. And even when the emotional merry-go-round finally played itself out and I thought I was settled and committed, I never really was. I always thought about what would be the catalyst for us breaking up, and wondered when it would occur. In all honesty, I never gave us a chance.
What a horrible thing to realize. It's no wonder that he acts so insecure, despite vociferously declaring the opposite.
I should have just...... been kind. Been loving. Been positive. Accepted him for who he was. Been present. Things would be very different now if I had. I'm not saying the relationship would have worked out, but I do think the outcome would have been very different.
Live and learn. I suppose that's what we're here to do. It's just so damn hard to get these lessons through my thick skull sometimes.
How long have I complained? How long have I wish-washed between desires and choices and such? How long have I thought about us breaking up? And yet now that it's finally happened, I'm a complete and utter wreck, a sobbing, snotting mess, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Speaking of being wishy-washy, I read something the other day (which I spent the better part of this morning trying to locate, and failed to do so), but it was about relationships, and particularly fighting in relationships, and it said something along the lines of how when you make statements about leaving when you're in the heat of the moment, it undermines the security of your relationship. Like if you say, "I could never be with someone who does that." or "If this happens again, I'm out." or anything along those lines. You may not even mean it, or realize you're doing it, but it makes the other person (and you) feel like the relationship is constantly on fragile footing and could collapse at any moment. You need to be able to disagree, fight, argue with your partner and not feel like it's going to destroy you as a couple.
Makes perfect sense, right? I certainly didn't do it on purpose at the time, but I think that I did that a lot. Making blanket statements about what I would and would not accept, threatening to end things if x, y or z occurred... It really is a horrible thing to do. Add to that the fact that I really was never 100% committed, right from the start, and it's no wonder we couldn't make things work. Yeah, so I had bigger plans when Mike and I started hooking up, whoopdeedoo, we hooked up and from that moment on I should have told myself that I was in this thing with Mike, or I wasn't. But I didn't. In fact I never did. Up and down and around and around I went in crazy emotional turmoil. And even when the emotional merry-go-round finally played itself out and I thought I was settled and committed, I never really was. I always thought about what would be the catalyst for us breaking up, and wondered when it would occur. In all honesty, I never gave us a chance.
What a horrible thing to realize. It's no wonder that he acts so insecure, despite vociferously declaring the opposite.
I should have just...... been kind. Been loving. Been positive. Accepted him for who he was. Been present. Things would be very different now if I had. I'm not saying the relationship would have worked out, but I do think the outcome would have been very different.
Live and learn. I suppose that's what we're here to do. It's just so damn hard to get these lessons through my thick skull sometimes.