Adventure Me
Mike and I went to counseling tonight. There's a first time for everything, I suppose. It was..... ok. Pretty much what I expected, I guess. It didn't dredge up anything that he and I haven't hashed out before, and there wasn't really much progress, but I suppose that comes with time. What did surprise me was the fact that afterwards Mike was all defensive and angry, which is fairly typical after one of our Talks, but I thought that having a mediator would help alleviate that. He actually did most of the talking in the session, and I tried my damnedest to be diplomatic and kind in the things I was saying. I have no need or want to be accusatory or mean. We need stuff fixed, I just want to fix it.
But it seems highly unlikely that anything is going to be fixed. Mike simply doesn't want to do it any more. I can't say I blame him, but it still sucks. He doesn't want to go back to the counselor - even though he readily agreed when I broached the idea, which is why I booked us in. At $160 a pop I understand the hesitation, but even if we can't work on fixing things, I think that having a third wheel help us over the hump of breaking up would be beneficial. My poor heart can't take much more of this, but I still can't imagine my life without him, in spite of everything.
In other news, I hired a business coach. Kristen Domingue. She's going to push me forward and hold me accountable as I really try to amp up my business mojo in the last third of the year. I'm teaching my cooking & nutrition class again, I have one participant signed up and paid! I need 5 more though, and I'm a little nervous about whether or not I'll be able to get them. The name I want to call my business popped into my head tonight as I was driving to my sister's house: Adventure Me. I LOVE it, I think it's perfect, but the website is already taken. Damn damn damn. Although there's nothing on the site, so perhaps I can buy it?
Summer has been pretty alright: glamping at Krisann and Darren's site - with Quinny!, camping out at Daisy Creek with all 3 of my siblings, what?!, work hasn't been too nutso, golfing in Kimberley - I love going out there, Ivany & Justin's wedding...
The road trip/family reunion was fun. Maclean, Kelsi, Jade and I all drove down in Luka (my Mazda 3). We spent a night in West Yellowstone (Taron met us there), wandered through Yellowstone Park the next day (I wanna go back to Wyoming!), then met up with my family in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. All my aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids (Mom's side) were there, except for one husband. 42 out of 43 people, pretty good! It's the first time we've ALL been together in years. We stayed in a motel all together (Mike and I shared a room with Taron and Marcus, I was shocked they let he and I share a bed!) and for the most part we all got along and it was really fun. We ate together and played together, Shauna had organized a bunch of activities that were random but fun (go Ravenpearl!!), we had a couple of water fights and also a weird cereal-popcorn food fight. Hilarious. Mike became best buds with Drayden, which was pretty cute, and I just melted over little CoraLynn, such a sweet, beautiful wee girl. I hope that one day my babies are that adorable and loveable. We floated the river, which was way more hard core than we'd anticipated! We went to the water park. Played in the arcade a bit and did some shopping in the tiny town. And we soaked in the ridiculously scalding hot springs. Good times.
The full-on Harrison reunion started a few days later, which had 132 people at it. I don't know most of those people, but I recognized a few faces and I think it was fun for Mom and her sisters to see their cousins. Ah, families. Even Mike enjoyed himself, which was pretty cool. We see his parents and brother a lot, but he doesn't really have much extended family, so I think he appreciates mine.
Maclean didn't drink or smoke for our time in Lava Hot Springs, mostly, which was greatly appreciated, but in West Yellowstone we were having yet another discussion about his increased cigar smoking and I was actually really surprised when he told me that he's addicted to them. Of course he is, that makes sense, but it doesn't make his smoking ok. Ugh.
We left Lava and car trained to Coeur D'Alene with myself, Maclean, Jade, Taron, Krisann, Darren, Whitney, Torri and Marcus in three cars. We stopped at an army surplus store, and also in a tiny town that mined and sold opals. The joys of road tripping! There was lots of gorgeous scenery. I drove the entire time, only handing over the wheel during the last 4 hour leg - to Maclean, who within 10 minutes stated he was too tired to drive and pulled over, so Jade got in and finished up the trip.
Coeur D'Alene was fun. We went to Silverwood two days in a row for roller coaster and water slide goodness. The giant tube water slides were awesome!! And some of the coasters too. It was definitely good times. We drove into Washington to do some shopping. And we also found a sweet little breakfast place and a really wicked health food store in C D'A. I could've spent a little more time checking out the town, I'm glad we went. The last leg went pretty smoothly, we stopped for supper at Ma and Pa Maclean's, then journeyed on home.
It was a great trip, absolutely gorgeous weather, TONS of fun activities (almost too many, we were exhausted by 11pm every night!), and we all got along, particularly Maclean and myself. In fact, not long after we got back we were having yet another Talk and he told me that the trip had made him rethink his wanting to break up. So yeah, it was good.
I'm trying really really hard to stay positive, happy and focused. Things are mostly good, but I can also feel things shifting, and that kind of sucks because I'm a big fan of my life lately. I've become a little jaded at work in the past couple of weeks, and I'm feeling more relief than sadness that it's ending soon. I'm really freaking sad about Maclean pulling away (he told the counselor today that his desire to move forward with the relationship was around 3.5-4), and about the imminent end to our relationship. I can feel the tides pulling at my job and at my relationship and at my life in general, and I know that everything is about to change. Change is good, and I'm doing my best to embrace it, even get excited about it, but change is also difficult, particularly when I really don't know what's going to be on the other side of most of it.
But, c'est la vie.
Our garden has exploded into a mass of very large and somewhat tangled leaves, the kale, spinach and arugula are out of control! The peas are almost ready for harvesting, and I'm hopeful the carrots and beets might give up a semi decent crop. There are a few herbs and green beans as well, but those are lagging, however I'm not complaining. I bought a juicer, because I want to get healthier, and also because I needed to do something with all this produce!!! I've been juicing almost daily and loving it. I've tried a couple different vegan recipes lately and they've been tasty. I think Mike and I are going to do a 2-3 week cleansing diet, see if we can kickstart some healthy habits.
What I really need to do is get exercising. My age is catching up to me in a really serious way. My muscle mass is deteriorating rapidly and my cardio is absolute crap. I've got more cellulite and more softness around my middle than I ever have before. In fact, I'm pretty happy about not spending a lot of time in a bikini right about now. I need to get in gear.
I think that's a decent catch up. Until next time..
But it seems highly unlikely that anything is going to be fixed. Mike simply doesn't want to do it any more. I can't say I blame him, but it still sucks. He doesn't want to go back to the counselor - even though he readily agreed when I broached the idea, which is why I booked us in. At $160 a pop I understand the hesitation, but even if we can't work on fixing things, I think that having a third wheel help us over the hump of breaking up would be beneficial. My poor heart can't take much more of this, but I still can't imagine my life without him, in spite of everything.
In other news, I hired a business coach. Kristen Domingue. She's going to push me forward and hold me accountable as I really try to amp up my business mojo in the last third of the year. I'm teaching my cooking & nutrition class again, I have one participant signed up and paid! I need 5 more though, and I'm a little nervous about whether or not I'll be able to get them. The name I want to call my business popped into my head tonight as I was driving to my sister's house: Adventure Me. I LOVE it, I think it's perfect, but the website is already taken. Damn damn damn. Although there's nothing on the site, so perhaps I can buy it?
Summer has been pretty alright: glamping at Krisann and Darren's site - with Quinny!, camping out at Daisy Creek with all 3 of my siblings, what?!, work hasn't been too nutso, golfing in Kimberley - I love going out there, Ivany & Justin's wedding...
The road trip/family reunion was fun. Maclean, Kelsi, Jade and I all drove down in Luka (my Mazda 3). We spent a night in West Yellowstone (Taron met us there), wandered through Yellowstone Park the next day (I wanna go back to Wyoming!), then met up with my family in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. All my aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids (Mom's side) were there, except for one husband. 42 out of 43 people, pretty good! It's the first time we've ALL been together in years. We stayed in a motel all together (Mike and I shared a room with Taron and Marcus, I was shocked they let he and I share a bed!) and for the most part we all got along and it was really fun. We ate together and played together, Shauna had organized a bunch of activities that were random but fun (go Ravenpearl!!), we had a couple of water fights and also a weird cereal-popcorn food fight. Hilarious. Mike became best buds with Drayden, which was pretty cute, and I just melted over little CoraLynn, such a sweet, beautiful wee girl. I hope that one day my babies are that adorable and loveable. We floated the river, which was way more hard core than we'd anticipated! We went to the water park. Played in the arcade a bit and did some shopping in the tiny town. And we soaked in the ridiculously scalding hot springs. Good times.
The full-on Harrison reunion started a few days later, which had 132 people at it. I don't know most of those people, but I recognized a few faces and I think it was fun for Mom and her sisters to see their cousins. Ah, families. Even Mike enjoyed himself, which was pretty cool. We see his parents and brother a lot, but he doesn't really have much extended family, so I think he appreciates mine.
Maclean didn't drink or smoke for our time in Lava Hot Springs, mostly, which was greatly appreciated, but in West Yellowstone we were having yet another discussion about his increased cigar smoking and I was actually really surprised when he told me that he's addicted to them. Of course he is, that makes sense, but it doesn't make his smoking ok. Ugh.
We left Lava and car trained to Coeur D'Alene with myself, Maclean, Jade, Taron, Krisann, Darren, Whitney, Torri and Marcus in three cars. We stopped at an army surplus store, and also in a tiny town that mined and sold opals. The joys of road tripping! There was lots of gorgeous scenery. I drove the entire time, only handing over the wheel during the last 4 hour leg - to Maclean, who within 10 minutes stated he was too tired to drive and pulled over, so Jade got in and finished up the trip.
Coeur D'Alene was fun. We went to Silverwood two days in a row for roller coaster and water slide goodness. The giant tube water slides were awesome!! And some of the coasters too. It was definitely good times. We drove into Washington to do some shopping. And we also found a sweet little breakfast place and a really wicked health food store in C D'A. I could've spent a little more time checking out the town, I'm glad we went. The last leg went pretty smoothly, we stopped for supper at Ma and Pa Maclean's, then journeyed on home.
It was a great trip, absolutely gorgeous weather, TONS of fun activities (almost too many, we were exhausted by 11pm every night!), and we all got along, particularly Maclean and myself. In fact, not long after we got back we were having yet another Talk and he told me that the trip had made him rethink his wanting to break up. So yeah, it was good.
I'm trying really really hard to stay positive, happy and focused. Things are mostly good, but I can also feel things shifting, and that kind of sucks because I'm a big fan of my life lately. I've become a little jaded at work in the past couple of weeks, and I'm feeling more relief than sadness that it's ending soon. I'm really freaking sad about Maclean pulling away (he told the counselor today that his desire to move forward with the relationship was around 3.5-4), and about the imminent end to our relationship. I can feel the tides pulling at my job and at my relationship and at my life in general, and I know that everything is about to change. Change is good, and I'm doing my best to embrace it, even get excited about it, but change is also difficult, particularly when I really don't know what's going to be on the other side of most of it.
But, c'est la vie.
Our garden has exploded into a mass of very large and somewhat tangled leaves, the kale, spinach and arugula are out of control! The peas are almost ready for harvesting, and I'm hopeful the carrots and beets might give up a semi decent crop. There are a few herbs and green beans as well, but those are lagging, however I'm not complaining. I bought a juicer, because I want to get healthier, and also because I needed to do something with all this produce!!! I've been juicing almost daily and loving it. I've tried a couple different vegan recipes lately and they've been tasty. I think Mike and I are going to do a 2-3 week cleansing diet, see if we can kickstart some healthy habits.
What I really need to do is get exercising. My age is catching up to me in a really serious way. My muscle mass is deteriorating rapidly and my cardio is absolute crap. I've got more cellulite and more softness around my middle than I ever have before. In fact, I'm pretty happy about not spending a lot of time in a bikini right about now. I need to get in gear.
I think that's a decent catch up. Until next time..