Like punching in a dream
12 more days until I'm back in Canada. Back to the "real" world. Back to my Dessert's arms. Hopefully....
We had a nearly 2 hour Skype date on Thursday night. It was good to see his face and hear his voice. He told me all about his week in Thailand and a bunch of other stuff. He still didn't want to talk about "us" which is fair because I'd rather do it in person too, but it's tough having that ambiguity hanging over my heart. In fact at one point he snapped at me, "I've done a lot of thinking and looking back, and I have a lot of questions you need to answer!!!" to which I responded that we'll talk and I'll answer and we'll deal with whatever we need to deal with, but not if he's going to be angry and mean and yell at me. Ugh. As much as I want to see him and hash all this out, the thought of actually dealing with it makes me a little sick to my stomach.
But, it is what it is at this point and we both just have to deal with it and move on in one way or another.
He assured me that he does indeed love me and hopes we can sort everything out. He then told me not to cry and to enjoy the rest of my trip. He still thinks I'm returning on March 30, so hopefully my arrival 2 weeks early will be a happy surprise.
Jade and I have been taking it easy, enjoying our last few days in Freo. Went and checked out a bunch of beaches today with Nicko and are heading to his for a BBQ and a few bevvies tonight. We went to the zoo earlier this week as well to see some native animals, it was fun!
We also met Rowdy down at Bather's Beach Thursday night and he pointed out some of the Southern Hemisphere constellations. Cool. And then he texted me and asked if I'd join him on his window ledge for a glass of wine. I'm not gonna lie, I was tempted. He's young, confident and cute. His messy blonde hair pulled back in a knot, his intelligence, his sweet spirit... He would be a lot of fun, even for just a few nights. He texted again this afternoon, and repeated his offer. I told him I can't, and told him why. His reply, "I'm sure he's worth waiting for if he's got you." *sigh*
But Maclean IS worth waiting for. There will always be beautiful men and flirtatious boys. There will always be the musicians that fill me with desire and the artists who tug at my heartstrings. I'm sure I'll regularly meet guys that will make me wonder if life could be better/easier/more compatible with them. In reality, Mike is good for me and we're good together. I love him, I love being with him, and I will love the life we make together. I don't want to start again with someone else. I don't. And it's not that I'm settling, it's just that I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life and it could be great with him if we make it great. It's time for me to learn how to make commitments, and be content with my choices. It's time to stop checking out the green grass on the other side of the fence and simply enjoy my beautiful little field. I want Mike and I want to spend my life with him. I still have my concerns, and he has his, but hopefully we can work them out.
We had a nearly 2 hour Skype date on Thursday night. It was good to see his face and hear his voice. He told me all about his week in Thailand and a bunch of other stuff. He still didn't want to talk about "us" which is fair because I'd rather do it in person too, but it's tough having that ambiguity hanging over my heart. In fact at one point he snapped at me, "I've done a lot of thinking and looking back, and I have a lot of questions you need to answer!!!" to which I responded that we'll talk and I'll answer and we'll deal with whatever we need to deal with, but not if he's going to be angry and mean and yell at me. Ugh. As much as I want to see him and hash all this out, the thought of actually dealing with it makes me a little sick to my stomach.
But, it is what it is at this point and we both just have to deal with it and move on in one way or another.
He assured me that he does indeed love me and hopes we can sort everything out. He then told me not to cry and to enjoy the rest of my trip. He still thinks I'm returning on March 30, so hopefully my arrival 2 weeks early will be a happy surprise.
Jade and I have been taking it easy, enjoying our last few days in Freo. Went and checked out a bunch of beaches today with Nicko and are heading to his for a BBQ and a few bevvies tonight. We went to the zoo earlier this week as well to see some native animals, it was fun!
We also met Rowdy down at Bather's Beach Thursday night and he pointed out some of the Southern Hemisphere constellations. Cool. And then he texted me and asked if I'd join him on his window ledge for a glass of wine. I'm not gonna lie, I was tempted. He's young, confident and cute. His messy blonde hair pulled back in a knot, his intelligence, his sweet spirit... He would be a lot of fun, even for just a few nights. He texted again this afternoon, and repeated his offer. I told him I can't, and told him why. His reply, "I'm sure he's worth waiting for if he's got you." *sigh*
But Maclean IS worth waiting for. There will always be beautiful men and flirtatious boys. There will always be the musicians that fill me with desire and the artists who tug at my heartstrings. I'm sure I'll regularly meet guys that will make me wonder if life could be better/easier/more compatible with them. In reality, Mike is good for me and we're good together. I love him, I love being with him, and I will love the life we make together. I don't want to start again with someone else. I don't. And it's not that I'm settling, it's just that I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life and it could be great with him if we make it great. It's time for me to learn how to make commitments, and be content with my choices. It's time to stop checking out the green grass on the other side of the fence and simply enjoy my beautiful little field. I want Mike and I want to spend my life with him. I still have my concerns, and he has his, but hopefully we can work them out.