Why does EVERYTHING have to be so damned difficult?!
Our sleeper bus last night was just a bus, which meant I didn't get much sleep on our midnight to 6:30am journey. That, combined with the fact they had the A/C cranked the whole time led to one rather unhappy McKinnley by the time we finally stumbled off the bus and literally into the hordes of Cambodian men jostling each other to be our tuk tuk driver. Absolutely infuriating. At least let me get off the damned bus before you start shouting offers at me!
My only request for a hotel was that it be available so I could sleep immediately after getting there. Rob booked us a hotel, which we found easily, but their eyes widened when we showed up at 7am. Our room wouldn't be ready until noon. Grrr.
The coffee in Cambodia sucks, the dvd player in the hotel kept crapping out halfway through movies, I'm covered in itchy bites from some mystery bug, the internet sucks balls... I can't even remember what else happened today but pretty much everything made me violently angry. Except the food. We had two spectacular meals, much to my surprise...
The other piss off - I haven't received a message from Mike in a day and a half or something. I realize it's not actually THAT long, but I go out of my way to check my email as often as possible, and to response quickly, because I know how much he loves seeing my name in his inbox. I know he's busy finishing up this job, but he emails from his iPhone so I know that he always has access and the capability, which means he's just not doing it. It takes all of about 35 seconds to just say "Hey babe, super busy but thinking about you." Seriously, how hard is that?
So I sent him a message basically saying just that - that it takes no time to just shoot a quick message off and that I'm disappointed. I just logged back on because it's morning there and I had a strong hunch that he at least would have replied to that. He did.
"Don't be mad. I apologize. We had some fun and drank last night. If it's any consolation, I talked about you all night. I can't wait to see you my love. I will send you more messages then you need. ;-) I miss you sooooooo much.
You are my light, my love. "
To which my reply was: "So, I'm supposed to feel better because you were drinking instead of messaging me?"
My blood is absolutely boiling and my hands are shaking. Maybe I'm being unfair, but drinking has long been an issue in our relationship, so for him to use that as an excuse?!?! It kind of feels like a slap in the face and it's honestly making me second guess whether trying to give this relationship another shot is remotely a good idea.
I mean, we broke up because I honestly did not see how we could be a couple. Because he drives me crazy. Because he makes me furious. Because I often find him embarrassing. Because we have no shared interests, no shared dreams, and nothing in common. Because he drinks too much and spends too much money and watches too much porn. Because he says a lot of things but rarely backs them up. Because our communication skills are crap. And because I feel like he doesn't understand a thing about me.
I must be completely, utterly insane. What was I thinking? I can't do this. I can't go back to him. I can't do all of that again. I don't want to live a roller coaster of emotion. This is so stupid.
My only request for a hotel was that it be available so I could sleep immediately after getting there. Rob booked us a hotel, which we found easily, but their eyes widened when we showed up at 7am. Our room wouldn't be ready until noon. Grrr.
The coffee in Cambodia sucks, the dvd player in the hotel kept crapping out halfway through movies, I'm covered in itchy bites from some mystery bug, the internet sucks balls... I can't even remember what else happened today but pretty much everything made me violently angry. Except the food. We had two spectacular meals, much to my surprise...
The other piss off - I haven't received a message from Mike in a day and a half or something. I realize it's not actually THAT long, but I go out of my way to check my email as often as possible, and to response quickly, because I know how much he loves seeing my name in his inbox. I know he's busy finishing up this job, but he emails from his iPhone so I know that he always has access and the capability, which means he's just not doing it. It takes all of about 35 seconds to just say "Hey babe, super busy but thinking about you." Seriously, how hard is that?
So I sent him a message basically saying just that - that it takes no time to just shoot a quick message off and that I'm disappointed. I just logged back on because it's morning there and I had a strong hunch that he at least would have replied to that. He did.
"Don't be mad. I apologize. We had some fun and drank last night. If it's any consolation, I talked about you all night. I can't wait to see you my love. I will send you more messages then you need. ;-) I miss you sooooooo much.
You are my light, my love. "
To which my reply was: "So, I'm supposed to feel better because you were drinking instead of messaging me?"
My blood is absolutely boiling and my hands are shaking. Maybe I'm being unfair, but drinking has long been an issue in our relationship, so for him to use that as an excuse?!?! It kind of feels like a slap in the face and it's honestly making me second guess whether trying to give this relationship another shot is remotely a good idea.
I mean, we broke up because I honestly did not see how we could be a couple. Because he drives me crazy. Because he makes me furious. Because I often find him embarrassing. Because we have no shared interests, no shared dreams, and nothing in common. Because he drinks too much and spends too much money and watches too much porn. Because he says a lot of things but rarely backs them up. Because our communication skills are crap. And because I feel like he doesn't understand a thing about me.
I must be completely, utterly insane. What was I thinking? I can't do this. I can't go back to him. I can't do all of that again. I don't want to live a roller coaster of emotion. This is so stupid.