New Beginnings?
So we go to Kimberley this weekend, eat some turkey with Dessert's parents and his brother. We chill out, enjoy the scenery, enjoy the time together.. It's nice.
We arrived there pretty late on Friday night. We had a snack and a chat with the parentals, then Mike and I excused ourselves to the hot tub. The first thing he said to me was, "Do you really want to make this work?" I hesitated before replying "yes." I do want it to work, but I'm not positive I want to MAKE it work. Anyway, we proceeded to have a surprisingly in depth, yet unemotional conversation about Us. He's obviously been doing a lot of thinking, as have I, but even still I was totally unprepared when he told me that he was stupid to say he won't move out of Calgary. That's he's been totally reluctant to sacrifice anything, and he's totally kicking himself now. He's afraid of being hurt (again) but says he's realized he doesn't have to be afraid with me. He told me he really doesn't have anything to hold onto in Calgary and that he's 100% willing to move to Vancouver. He also said that the kids thing could be put on the auction table, and that all he wanted was a promise that it would at least be a discussion in the future, and then we'd decide together if that's what we wanted to do with our life.
What the?!?!?!?!?
I'm thrilled. And utterly shocked. And I really don't know how to respond. Or what the hell to do now.
Half my stuff is already moved out of the house. Do I move the rest or leave it where it is? What do I tell Beautiful Banga? How do I pursue that giant question mark? Or do I??
I didn't think it was possible, but I'm even more confused now. I was so certain that Dessert and I simply could not, would not work out. And all of a sudden this brand new, and rather appealing, path has opened up before me. I was moving in a direction, and now I'm at a complete standstill. Argh!
I'm glad we had that talk, and a few subsequent conversations, but it really has made my life exponentially more difficult at this point in time.
I'm still of the mind that we should follow through with this break, and see where being apart for a few months gets us. But Mike's only stipulation (ultimatum?) was that if we break up before I leave to travel, then we stay broken up and he moves on. I can't do it though. It's not that I'm dying to be single while I travel, moreso that I can NOT break up with him again. I don't want to come back here in a few months and have to go through this all a third time. I'd rather be apart and have our stuff be separate and maybe just see what happens, take it slow, start dating again. If things head in the right direction, we can get back together, eventually move back in perhaps and continue our happily ever after. If not, then we simply go our own ways, without having to deal with all sorts of messiness.
Right, as if any of that will be simple.
Anyway, he left this morning at 445am, heading out of town for work again. I leave in exactly one week. Not that it's stressing me out or anything.
Hopefully the lines of communication stay open. I really don't know what to expect at this point. Or what direction to go...
We arrived there pretty late on Friday night. We had a snack and a chat with the parentals, then Mike and I excused ourselves to the hot tub. The first thing he said to me was, "Do you really want to make this work?" I hesitated before replying "yes." I do want it to work, but I'm not positive I want to MAKE it work. Anyway, we proceeded to have a surprisingly in depth, yet unemotional conversation about Us. He's obviously been doing a lot of thinking, as have I, but even still I was totally unprepared when he told me that he was stupid to say he won't move out of Calgary. That's he's been totally reluctant to sacrifice anything, and he's totally kicking himself now. He's afraid of being hurt (again) but says he's realized he doesn't have to be afraid with me. He told me he really doesn't have anything to hold onto in Calgary and that he's 100% willing to move to Vancouver. He also said that the kids thing could be put on the auction table, and that all he wanted was a promise that it would at least be a discussion in the future, and then we'd decide together if that's what we wanted to do with our life.
What the?!?!?!?!?
I'm thrilled. And utterly shocked. And I really don't know how to respond. Or what the hell to do now.
Half my stuff is already moved out of the house. Do I move the rest or leave it where it is? What do I tell Beautiful Banga? How do I pursue that giant question mark? Or do I??
I didn't think it was possible, but I'm even more confused now. I was so certain that Dessert and I simply could not, would not work out. And all of a sudden this brand new, and rather appealing, path has opened up before me. I was moving in a direction, and now I'm at a complete standstill. Argh!
I'm glad we had that talk, and a few subsequent conversations, but it really has made my life exponentially more difficult at this point in time.
I'm still of the mind that we should follow through with this break, and see where being apart for a few months gets us. But Mike's only stipulation (ultimatum?) was that if we break up before I leave to travel, then we stay broken up and he moves on. I can't do it though. It's not that I'm dying to be single while I travel, moreso that I can NOT break up with him again. I don't want to come back here in a few months and have to go through this all a third time. I'd rather be apart and have our stuff be separate and maybe just see what happens, take it slow, start dating again. If things head in the right direction, we can get back together, eventually move back in perhaps and continue our happily ever after. If not, then we simply go our own ways, without having to deal with all sorts of messiness.
Right, as if any of that will be simple.
Anyway, he left this morning at 445am, heading out of town for work again. I leave in exactly one week. Not that it's stressing me out or anything.
Hopefully the lines of communication stay open. I really don't know what to expect at this point. Or what direction to go...