my mind isn't so mysterious.
Through for most of my younger years, I wished for a sister, but I have come to realization that I'm glad I don't have one. She would probably be prettier, smarter, and everything better than me and I couldn't handle none of that. She would borrow my clothes all the time and irritate me a lot. Not that my brothers are saints, but at least they don't borrow my clothes.
But having a sister would take some of the unrelenting glare off of me. I feel like I'm always in the spotlight when I'm at home. Like I have to be the good one. The one who works hard, gets good grades, comes home on time, etc. My brothers are more free to do whatever they want, because there's three of them and if one turns out to be a douchebag, then my parents still have two left. There's only one of me. One chance to do it right and raise a proper lady. It's kind of frustrating, but I'm used to their standards and unfortunately, I have set even higher ones for myself. I'm not blaming them for the way I am. I would never do that, but it explains some of my die hard perfectionism. I always have to give my parents something to brag about. I have become so used to being the "best" child. The one with the "best" grades, the "best" friends, the "best" work ethic, etc. I have horrible pride issues now. I can't stand it when I feel people are better than me. Seriously, I cannot be friends with them, which is sad, I know. But I'm used to being the best and I (and my parents) will not accept anything less.
Though, it seems they have given up on my brothers. When I was the age of my youngest brother (18), my parents kept me on a tight leash. They knew the trouble an 18 year old girl could find herself in and insisted I live a "clean" lifestyle. I wouldn't call myself sheltered, just overprotected, but not extremely so. Right now, my 18 year old brother is out in God knows where, doing God knows what and my parents are fast asleep in their beds. They used to wait up for me if I wasn't home by 11. They became antsy at 12. They went out and looked for me by 1. They called the cops by 2. Is something wrong with this picture? Ok, perfect timing, he just walked in and I asked, "what are you doing out so late?" His response? "It's not late? It's 1:30." What the hell? If I would have walked in this late at his age, my mom would be in tears and my dad would be reprimanding me. Where are they now? Asleep. He came home around 3AM last night and they were nowhere to be found. Unfair? Just a little. This is probably stemming from a little bit of jealousy. My brother is so much better looking than I am. He's blond, tan, and buff from working out all the time. I'm this scrawny, pale redhead. He has a ton of friends. I have a few good, close friends and many acquaintances, but he always has someone to hang out with and girls calling him around the clock. The possibilities he has for dates are frequently endless, whereas I'm at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. He goes out every night and I stay in. He has a job he loves and gets paid well for doing it. And I'm toiling away at a place I don't necessarily hate, but don't love either and I get paid far less than he does. He was on a sports team in highschool, whereas I quit awhile back. But he has his negatives too. If you think I'm mean, just try listening to him. Sometimes the things that come out of his mouth make me cringe. He's not that good in school and has no motivation at all. His room's a mess. But honestly, if he was my sister, I probably would have clawed his eyes out by now. Catfight!
I don't know what caused this confession. Rash decisions made early in the morning usually never turn out good. We'll see.
But having a sister would take some of the unrelenting glare off of me. I feel like I'm always in the spotlight when I'm at home. Like I have to be the good one. The one who works hard, gets good grades, comes home on time, etc. My brothers are more free to do whatever they want, because there's three of them and if one turns out to be a douchebag, then my parents still have two left. There's only one of me. One chance to do it right and raise a proper lady. It's kind of frustrating, but I'm used to their standards and unfortunately, I have set even higher ones for myself. I'm not blaming them for the way I am. I would never do that, but it explains some of my die hard perfectionism. I always have to give my parents something to brag about. I have become so used to being the "best" child. The one with the "best" grades, the "best" friends, the "best" work ethic, etc. I have horrible pride issues now. I can't stand it when I feel people are better than me. Seriously, I cannot be friends with them, which is sad, I know. But I'm used to being the best and I (and my parents) will not accept anything less.
Though, it seems they have given up on my brothers. When I was the age of my youngest brother (18), my parents kept me on a tight leash. They knew the trouble an 18 year old girl could find herself in and insisted I live a "clean" lifestyle. I wouldn't call myself sheltered, just overprotected, but not extremely so. Right now, my 18 year old brother is out in God knows where, doing God knows what and my parents are fast asleep in their beds. They used to wait up for me if I wasn't home by 11. They became antsy at 12. They went out and looked for me by 1. They called the cops by 2. Is something wrong with this picture? Ok, perfect timing, he just walked in and I asked, "what are you doing out so late?" His response? "It's not late? It's 1:30." What the hell? If I would have walked in this late at his age, my mom would be in tears and my dad would be reprimanding me. Where are they now? Asleep. He came home around 3AM last night and they were nowhere to be found. Unfair? Just a little. This is probably stemming from a little bit of jealousy. My brother is so much better looking than I am. He's blond, tan, and buff from working out all the time. I'm this scrawny, pale redhead. He has a ton of friends. I have a few good, close friends and many acquaintances, but he always has someone to hang out with and girls calling him around the clock. The possibilities he has for dates are frequently endless, whereas I'm at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. He goes out every night and I stay in. He has a job he loves and gets paid well for doing it. And I'm toiling away at a place I don't necessarily hate, but don't love either and I get paid far less than he does. He was on a sports team in highschool, whereas I quit awhile back. But he has his negatives too. If you think I'm mean, just try listening to him. Sometimes the things that come out of his mouth make me cringe. He's not that good in school and has no motivation at all. His room's a mess. But honestly, if he was my sister, I probably would have clawed his eyes out by now. Catfight!
I don't know what caused this confession. Rash decisions made early in the morning usually never turn out good. We'll see.