LJ Idol - Week 30 - Impossible

[messygorgeous]

"I'm never having children."

Sitting on my front porch in the sharp afternoon light of a late summer's day, the look on my mother's face was one of pure sorrow.

"But, why?"

Overbright rays of sun spiked through the pine thicket around my house and left blinding patches on the needle-blanketed yard. I squinted at the contrast of dazzle and dark and

Comments

[meridian_rose]

I've always said never and meant it. At 43 I'm still childfree and the "you'll change your mind!! It's not too late!!" attitude is always condescending and offensive to encounter.

[messygorgeous]

Did you find *this* entry condescending? That's interesting, because the intent was certainly not to say other people without children needed to reconsider such a deeply personal decision, just that, I personally was foolish when I was younger for not recognizing how important kids would be in *my* life, that it is "impossible" for me today to think I had ever said such a thing, impossible to imagine not being a mom when it is so much of who I am.

I know quite a few people who made the choice to not have children and while I know folks do question it, it's nobody's business but their own. My brother and his wife are two of them! They like their lives childfree and are completely content with the lifestyle it affords them.

It's good that you know yourself. It is such a sad situation to see a woman who had children because she thought she "should" or "had to" and then watch as she resentfully raises those kids. It's sad for her, women do far too many things to be "good," and even sadder for the children she didn't want.

[ryl]

It's good that you know yourself. It is such a sad situation to see a woman who had children because she thought she "should" or "had to" and then watch as she resentfully raises those kids. It's sad for her, women do far too many things to be "good," and even sadder for the children she didn't want.

What's worse is when the resentment is buried far beneath the surface. I know several women who only had children because they thought they had to. But at the same time I can see why they made that decision--our society pushes women towards being mothers whether they want to or not and after a while the constant "you'll change your mind" can wear you down.

I'm one of those who simply does not want a child. I'm fortunate in that I have a medical condition that prevents me from having a safe pregnancy and childbirth. I use that as my excuse why I don't have children. Does wonders for ending the conversation quickly and awkwardly. (For them, at least. *evil grin*)

[messygorgeous]

It sucks that you feel you have to have that excuse though. And unfair that you have to unveil something as personal as a medical condition for people to accept your decision. But, good on you for making nosy, pushy people pay, lol!

Damn the patriarchy and all that, but I know what you are saying is true, regarding society pushing motherhood on people. Men, and definitely women, look at other women who have made the choice to not have kids like something must be something wrong with them for pushing aside the "natural" desire to have kids.

My former sister in law has four children and I don't think she wanted any of them. One was ran away and was raised from a teen by my former MIL, one left and went to live with her father after they divorced...her interactions with them were always filled with irritation and judgement. It hurt me to see how she treated the kids, when I really believe it was her own life she was dissatisfied with.

[ryl]

I don't know if it's the patriarchy pushing it on people. Most of the "you MUST have teh babeez" people I've encountered are women. Men don't care as much.