Yanked from a friend.....I love it!
**This kinds of sums up most of my political beliefs. Now, I actually really liked Howard Dean, I viewed his screaming thingee, but don't understand what the big fucking deal was it. :P
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT
OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you
all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress
does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is
complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list
contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list
contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that
list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this
evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call
France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect
this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On
that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of
New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those
vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever
treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets.
Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be
turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a
couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going
to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United State s is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be
drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs
for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I
refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It
is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will
accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly
a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only
earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to
eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It
is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a
final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the
nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak
Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can
read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT
OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you
all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress
does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is
complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list
contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list
contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that
list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this
evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call
France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect
this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On
that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of
New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those
vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever
treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets.
Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be
turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a
couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going
to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United State s is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be
drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs
for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I
refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It
is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will
accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly
a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only
earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to
eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It
is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a
final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the
nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak
Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can
read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.