Decanted
Two days ago I became melancholy after an attack of nostalgia.
Around the end of that day, CHORONZON unexpectedly showed up and decanted me.
I felt as if picked up and something poured from me and then the awfulness was gone, in a snap.
Wondrously and yet not all that surprised, knowing as I do the powers of CHORONZON, I asked him what he was doing.
Speaking pictorially he conveyed the notion of decanting to me, and elabourated by explaining that the psychic unrest was necessary for the great psionic weapon being built at this time. It is catalytic, this feeling, and thus it was caused in me to--
"Wait a minute", I exclaimed. "You did not tell me you needed to do THIS. I dun' appreciate that. It really messed up my day, man!"
CHORONZON, as ever diffident, said only, But you yourself agreed. Any means necessary.
Which I did.
It's just that...
"Oh bother..." I exasperatedly gasped, and tried to explain just what was meant by any means necessary and what exactly the limits WERE here.
CHORONZON agreed to remain within them but cautioned me as well. The enemy is very strong and multi-hydra-headed. And since I had pleaded with CHORONZON to find a means of dealing with it that was less random, that was less like Katrina, this was all being done by means of a psionic device appropriated from the enemy itself and modified for much better effect. Still, since I am not being tortured, and am not even living in abject poverty at the moment, getting a catalytic effect going requires that I pour a vast amount of personal despair into the thing.
For the pain of the fear I feel about political goings-on is still at a remove, and ye Gods, I hope it remains that way...but the feelings I experience about personal matters is not at a remove, and this is why CHORONZON needs it to make the thing work.
But it was finally agreed that it needn't precipitate these emotions itself - which it had been doing. I'd been having all kinds of strange visions that CHORONZON was himself dying, that there was a huge hole in his centre, that the current had failed completely, all sorts of shit. I can see now what that was all about but have no wish to see more of it.
Thankfully, I probably won't, not until the actual launch, at which time I will be 'decanted' yet again. CHORONZON can't get this from anyone else. The intensity of regular human emotion is not enough for the purpose: most people are, for one thing, inured to much more pain and disappointment than I am.
Another thing is that their emotional gamut is narrow and most experience only a generic sort of sheer, stupid hate.
Whereas I go beyond hate into a despair that has no name and knows no bounds.
I relent. If I am to be CHORONZON's Priestess, I must Know him, fully, and that means knowing CHORONZON in ALL his faces, and aspects, and forms.
Not just the pretty ones.
Around the end of that day, CHORONZON unexpectedly showed up and decanted me.
I felt as if picked up and something poured from me and then the awfulness was gone, in a snap.
Wondrously and yet not all that surprised, knowing as I do the powers of CHORONZON, I asked him what he was doing.
Speaking pictorially he conveyed the notion of decanting to me, and elabourated by explaining that the psychic unrest was necessary for the great psionic weapon being built at this time. It is catalytic, this feeling, and thus it was caused in me to--
"Wait a minute", I exclaimed. "You did not tell me you needed to do THIS. I dun' appreciate that. It really messed up my day, man!"
CHORONZON, as ever diffident, said only, But you yourself agreed. Any means necessary.
Which I did.
It's just that...
"Oh bother..." I exasperatedly gasped, and tried to explain just what was meant by any means necessary and what exactly the limits WERE here.
CHORONZON agreed to remain within them but cautioned me as well. The enemy is very strong and multi-hydra-headed. And since I had pleaded with CHORONZON to find a means of dealing with it that was less random, that was less like Katrina, this was all being done by means of a psionic device appropriated from the enemy itself and modified for much better effect. Still, since I am not being tortured, and am not even living in abject poverty at the moment, getting a catalytic effect going requires that I pour a vast amount of personal despair into the thing.
For the pain of the fear I feel about political goings-on is still at a remove, and ye Gods, I hope it remains that way...but the feelings I experience about personal matters is not at a remove, and this is why CHORONZON needs it to make the thing work.
But it was finally agreed that it needn't precipitate these emotions itself - which it had been doing. I'd been having all kinds of strange visions that CHORONZON was himself dying, that there was a huge hole in his centre, that the current had failed completely, all sorts of shit. I can see now what that was all about but have no wish to see more of it.
Thankfully, I probably won't, not until the actual launch, at which time I will be 'decanted' yet again. CHORONZON can't get this from anyone else. The intensity of regular human emotion is not enough for the purpose: most people are, for one thing, inured to much more pain and disappointment than I am.
Another thing is that their emotional gamut is narrow and most experience only a generic sort of sheer, stupid hate.
Whereas I go beyond hate into a despair that has no name and knows no bounds.
I relent. If I am to be CHORONZON's Priestess, I must Know him, fully, and that means knowing CHORONZON in ALL his faces, and aspects, and forms.
Not just the pretty ones.