(no subject)
I guess you could say I am pretty depressed right now.
All of the stuff that has been going on....I am so tired from it. Exhausted really. i am tired of crying. I am tired of not knowing what to do. Not knowing what decision is best, what will bring me more happiness and less heartache.
i put an offer on an apartment. As of now i can afford it. But what will happen in 3 months when The spiderman job ends? What then? I am going to try and save as much as I can. it amazing how my period comes like clockwork now. The 21st of every month. I can already feel the cramps and shits coming. Uhg. I hope I am okay at work today. i will have to barrel through the pain. bring a bottle of motrin with me. I have a lot of anxiety because I left the work oven on with all of the foam rubber muscles inside. That was such a stupid move. why didnt I talk to john????? I was so distracted yesterday.
my flowers are dying on the kitchen window sill. The blueberries and raspberries i bought are sitting in the fridge untouched. Morgan and I dont get naked. I dont want to. I dont want to be naked. I dont want to see him naked. He has been so good to me. What next? holidays with no excitement? and empty feeling? Both of us hollowed to the core with our seeds rattling around inside of us? No touching....just I love you's that are true....but so sad and so empty.
Grandma....what would you do? What do you think? I need your wisdom and thoughts...I wish you were here to see me as a woman now. I feel so low. I am an overflowing well. I feel like an ocean with tides in me. Swelling and ebbing away.
All of the stuff that has been going on....I am so tired from it. Exhausted really. i am tired of crying. I am tired of not knowing what to do. Not knowing what decision is best, what will bring me more happiness and less heartache.
i put an offer on an apartment. As of now i can afford it. But what will happen in 3 months when The spiderman job ends? What then? I am going to try and save as much as I can. it amazing how my period comes like clockwork now. The 21st of every month. I can already feel the cramps and shits coming. Uhg. I hope I am okay at work today. i will have to barrel through the pain. bring a bottle of motrin with me. I have a lot of anxiety because I left the work oven on with all of the foam rubber muscles inside. That was such a stupid move. why didnt I talk to john????? I was so distracted yesterday.
my flowers are dying on the kitchen window sill. The blueberries and raspberries i bought are sitting in the fridge untouched. Morgan and I dont get naked. I dont want to. I dont want to be naked. I dont want to see him naked. He has been so good to me. What next? holidays with no excitement? and empty feeling? Both of us hollowed to the core with our seeds rattling around inside of us? No touching....just I love you's that are true....but so sad and so empty.
Grandma....what would you do? What do you think? I need your wisdom and thoughts...I wish you were here to see me as a woman now. I feel so low. I am an overflowing well. I feel like an ocean with tides in me. Swelling and ebbing away.