a teardrop away.
Oh, sluts. Merry Christmas, I suppose. I don't want to pack. I went over my grandma's today; it was crowded. Crowded family gatherings make me sad and anxious. I kept going into the guest room and looking at everything, because it's going to be my bedroom soon.
The walls are pale, and the headboard is huge and white wicker. The bed is in the middle of the room and it faces a mirror. There are two vanities. One has a white wicker bench and the vanity is white wicker too. Everything seems so small in that room. There are a lot of pictures of my cousins. There's a cross on the wall. I won't be able to sleep with it there. Crosses freak me out. The bedspread isn't sunflowers, but it might as well be. It reminds me of sunflowers in there. Sunflowers and babies. Everyone leaves their coats in there on holidays. They won't be able to on Easter. It will be my bedroom.
I'll have to put away my White Stripes poster, and my pretty clock, my paintings and my antique japanese parasol. My purple curtains will be gone and the walls that Jackie and I worked so hard on will probably be painted over by weird ghetto guys. I won't be able to nail up my pea pod babies. My grandmother won't want me putting holes in her wall, and I will feel weird about personalizing the room.
It's so light. It's so not me.
But the house is nice. It's clean and roomy. There's an armchair in my room, and there are three sitting rooms where I can go to read or do whatever. The kitchen has a dishwasher and I'll be able to do my own laundry for once. I won't be able to leave the house whenever I want without telling anyone and I won't be able to have anyone that I want over or go whereever I want or do everything that I want to and it really upsets me; I've had all of this independence and a lack of rules since I was maybe 9 and I can't imagine having it taken away from me, but I will. She keeps trying to get me to apply to colleges. I want to apprentice someone as a tattoo artist and major in philosophy. I'm going to do whatever I want. It's my life. And MCC is NOT A FUCKING BAD SCHOOL. I'm seventeen! How is it even possible for me to throw away my future! America has made it so that if you're willing to work hard, you can always move up. I have confidence in myself to accomplish whatever I want and everyone else should, too. Maybe what I want just isn't that special. We can't all be special. We can't all be fucking lawyers.
I wish that people wouldn't keep bothering me about college on holidays.
No one will keep reading this. No one cares. But I want to keep talking. I baked tofu spinach lasagna today. I thought it was alright. Everyone thought my cookies were amazing. It's because they were. I got nice stuff, I suppose. 20 dollars to West Farms, and 70 that I'm putting in the bank towards a car. Also, a 25 dollar gift card to CVS for some reason. And a memo board that would have perfectly matched my room.
Shrek is weird.
The walls are pale, and the headboard is huge and white wicker. The bed is in the middle of the room and it faces a mirror. There are two vanities. One has a white wicker bench and the vanity is white wicker too. Everything seems so small in that room. There are a lot of pictures of my cousins. There's a cross on the wall. I won't be able to sleep with it there. Crosses freak me out. The bedspread isn't sunflowers, but it might as well be. It reminds me of sunflowers in there. Sunflowers and babies. Everyone leaves their coats in there on holidays. They won't be able to on Easter. It will be my bedroom.
I'll have to put away my White Stripes poster, and my pretty clock, my paintings and my antique japanese parasol. My purple curtains will be gone and the walls that Jackie and I worked so hard on will probably be painted over by weird ghetto guys. I won't be able to nail up my pea pod babies. My grandmother won't want me putting holes in her wall, and I will feel weird about personalizing the room.
It's so light. It's so not me.
But the house is nice. It's clean and roomy. There's an armchair in my room, and there are three sitting rooms where I can go to read or do whatever. The kitchen has a dishwasher and I'll be able to do my own laundry for once. I won't be able to leave the house whenever I want without telling anyone and I won't be able to have anyone that I want over or go whereever I want or do everything that I want to and it really upsets me; I've had all of this independence and a lack of rules since I was maybe 9 and I can't imagine having it taken away from me, but I will. She keeps trying to get me to apply to colleges. I want to apprentice someone as a tattoo artist and major in philosophy. I'm going to do whatever I want. It's my life. And MCC is NOT A FUCKING BAD SCHOOL. I'm seventeen! How is it even possible for me to throw away my future! America has made it so that if you're willing to work hard, you can always move up. I have confidence in myself to accomplish whatever I want and everyone else should, too. Maybe what I want just isn't that special. We can't all be special. We can't all be fucking lawyers.
I wish that people wouldn't keep bothering me about college on holidays.
No one will keep reading this. No one cares. But I want to keep talking. I baked tofu spinach lasagna today. I thought it was alright. Everyone thought my cookies were amazing. It's because they were. I got nice stuff, I suppose. 20 dollars to West Farms, and 70 that I'm putting in the bank towards a car. Also, a 25 dollar gift card to CVS for some reason. And a memo board that would have perfectly matched my room.
Shrek is weird.