come thou fount of every blessing...
tune my heart to sing Thy praise...in every situation.
melina found a song last night. a very moving song...cathartic to say the least.
she comes into my room last night, where i am with ashley and her sister kourtney, and tells me she has a song for aaron and me. the song is by james blunt, she exclaims...whom she and i have been obsessed with the past two days. she downloads it quickly onto my computer, pulls up the lyrics, and we all kneel beside her to read and listen attentively. the result...three weeping friends and one astonished little sister. ashley and melina have truly employed Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." the lyrics just hit us so hard...
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
after listening to this song, weeping, reading other friends' livejournals and realizing what day it is...the feelings i had repressed for the past 6 months surfaced. i can't believe how easy it was for me to, whenever faced with a memory of aaron, push it back into the depths of my subconscious. i'm also astonished with how quickly these emotions can resurface. i haven't been faking any of my joy sonce his death; i am truly joyful in the fact that aaron is with Jesus...however i know that i have held back tears and other expressions of sadness. and it felt good last night to let them out with two of my best friends. God knew that my repression was faltering, and He provided human support. How does He know exactly what i need when i need it? i praise Him with all my soul and i praise Him for having mercy and grace upon aaron's soul.
thanks ashley and melina. i love you guys.
Jesus, i love you.