Online flirting; yet another thing to learn
I signed up with OKCupid about a month ago to see how worked for me. Really, just to see whether I could write a profile clever enough to get someone interested. I was quite clear that right now I'm going through a separation, and in looking for friends. I didn't want to beat anyone on.
If proving the like to read a killer profile was the object of my experiment, then the experiment wasn't exactly successful. I attribute that to several things: first, the number of 30 somethings and 40 somethings on the site is small compared to all the twentysomethings. It probably has something to do with the fact it OK Cupid is free, and people in their 20s probably like free, were his people in their 30s and 40s want to get down to business, and so are willing to pay for the privilege.
I got exactly 1 person who actually wrote me off of the strength of my profile. Interestingly, she lives not far from me in the Atlanta area, but I hadn't noticed her in the OK Cupid matches because she didn't have a picture, and I was only looking for matches with pictures.
She was also the only one to IM me. OK Cupid has a crappy IM system. The IMs come up at the top of the web page, and you basically have to glance over and notice that they're there. No pop up windows like with Yahoo messenger or AOL instant messenger. Nonetheless, this woman used this archaic system to have a chat with me. She's apparently an Episcopalian, something she picked up in my profile, and when she discovered that I was not a "lifer" like her, she made fun of me. No, wait, it was flirting!
Remember, flirting is one of those things I don't know much about, either. My technique is more like a) talk or chat for a few minutes, b) decide I like the person, c) and then tell the person my entire life story and try to convince them to do the same. Ms. Episcopalian was having none of this. She wanted to chat about this and that, and make smart as jokes, and flirt. I didn't get that point, so when our IM was over, I sent her a couple of messages in the OK Cupid mail system not quite pledging my eternal love, or even that I would fix her computer, but going a little further down that line and I probably should have. She completely ignored those two or three messages, leaving this turkey in suspense for a few days. She copy back online in OK Cupid again, and IMed me some more, again, just chatting about random things. Me being the semi tactless person that I am, I asked her where this was leading. She said we would probably chat a few more times, and then perhaps meet in person.
It was at that point that I finally figured out what she was doing: it was as if we had seen each other at a neighborhood bar one night, chatted a bit, and went our separate ways. A few days later, we saw each other again, and again had a nice chat. Just letting the relationship build. Naturally. Slowly. The way normal people do it, but not intimacy junkies like me. sigh. Perhaps I'll get there one day. And maybe I'll even get to meet Ms. Episcopalian.
If proving the like to read a killer profile was the object of my experiment, then the experiment wasn't exactly successful. I attribute that to several things: first, the number of 30 somethings and 40 somethings on the site is small compared to all the twentysomethings. It probably has something to do with the fact it OK Cupid is free, and people in their 20s probably like free, were his people in their 30s and 40s want to get down to business, and so are willing to pay for the privilege.
I got exactly 1 person who actually wrote me off of the strength of my profile. Interestingly, she lives not far from me in the Atlanta area, but I hadn't noticed her in the OK Cupid matches because she didn't have a picture, and I was only looking for matches with pictures.
She was also the only one to IM me. OK Cupid has a crappy IM system. The IMs come up at the top of the web page, and you basically have to glance over and notice that they're there. No pop up windows like with Yahoo messenger or AOL instant messenger. Nonetheless, this woman used this archaic system to have a chat with me. She's apparently an Episcopalian, something she picked up in my profile, and when she discovered that I was not a "lifer" like her, she made fun of me. No, wait, it was flirting!
Remember, flirting is one of those things I don't know much about, either. My technique is more like a) talk or chat for a few minutes, b) decide I like the person, c) and then tell the person my entire life story and try to convince them to do the same. Ms. Episcopalian was having none of this. She wanted to chat about this and that, and make smart as jokes, and flirt. I didn't get that point, so when our IM was over, I sent her a couple of messages in the OK Cupid mail system not quite pledging my eternal love, or even that I would fix her computer, but going a little further down that line and I probably should have. She completely ignored those two or three messages, leaving this turkey in suspense for a few days. She copy back online in OK Cupid again, and IMed me some more, again, just chatting about random things. Me being the semi tactless person that I am, I asked her where this was leading. She said we would probably chat a few more times, and then perhaps meet in person.
It was at that point that I finally figured out what she was doing: it was as if we had seen each other at a neighborhood bar one night, chatted a bit, and went our separate ways. A few days later, we saw each other again, and again had a nice chat. Just letting the relationship build. Naturally. Slowly. The way normal people do it, but not intimacy junkies like me. sigh. Perhaps I'll get there one day. And maybe I'll even get to meet Ms. Episcopalian.