25 years
I was married on August 1st, 1981. MTV launched that day, and Princess Di and Charles were married three days before. It was always an easy day to remember: 8/1/81.
The day is kind of .... empty. Not as in a hole, but as in perhaps a clearing - an empty space where something used to be.
If we hadn't separated, we'd probably be in Hawaii right now. Her parents have a timeshare in Oahu.
Timing is everything. If I'd been six months behind, in other words, if we were to be separated in December instead of May, I don't know how I could have dealt with today. Not the way I was feeling the last six months I was home.
All of which sounds like I'm terribly lonely and upset and unhappy. That's not true; although I haven't written here in the last six weeks, life has been better and better. At least for me. Moving out was like a weight being lifted from my chest. I feel more... like me. I feel more authentic, I feel better connected to other people, I feel more or less at peace with where I am right now. Which is not to say that things are great. We have money problems, and communication between the two of us is still difficult. She's blown up at me a couple of times since I moved out. I think I know where it comes from. I think she's hurt, she's devastated; she's in a place she didn't choose and never wanted to be. But this is where it is. I wasn't willing to go any further.
Challenges are coming out. School starts in a less than two weeks; the whole of the kids seem to have been okay over the summer, will start to see where things really are at that point, I think. That's certainly been to before; any kind of emotional problem ends up coming out in behavior or how they do at school. The oldest one goes back to college at the end of the month. That will be good; his presence creates a dynamic between the younger two that I don't like. It's not that it's bad, it's just that it's better for the younger ones when he's not in the mix
Perhaps all come back to writing here little more now. We'll see..
The day is kind of .... empty. Not as in a hole, but as in perhaps a clearing - an empty space where something used to be.
If we hadn't separated, we'd probably be in Hawaii right now. Her parents have a timeshare in Oahu.
Timing is everything. If I'd been six months behind, in other words, if we were to be separated in December instead of May, I don't know how I could have dealt with today. Not the way I was feeling the last six months I was home.
All of which sounds like I'm terribly lonely and upset and unhappy. That's not true; although I haven't written here in the last six weeks, life has been better and better. At least for me. Moving out was like a weight being lifted from my chest. I feel more... like me. I feel more authentic, I feel better connected to other people, I feel more or less at peace with where I am right now. Which is not to say that things are great. We have money problems, and communication between the two of us is still difficult. She's blown up at me a couple of times since I moved out. I think I know where it comes from. I think she's hurt, she's devastated; she's in a place she didn't choose and never wanted to be. But this is where it is. I wasn't willing to go any further.
Challenges are coming out. School starts in a less than two weeks; the whole of the kids seem to have been okay over the summer, will start to see where things really are at that point, I think. That's certainly been to before; any kind of emotional problem ends up coming out in behavior or how they do at school. The oldest one goes back to college at the end of the month. That will be good; his presence creates a dynamic between the younger two that I don't like. It's not that it's bad, it's just that it's better for the younger ones when he's not in the mix
Perhaps all come back to writing here little more now. We'll see..