Save Me
Changmin wakes up.
It takes him three tries to sit up; his skull is screaming in pain.
He opens his eyes and it takes a full minute for his vision to stop spinning. He swallows against nausea that threatens to bubble up his throat.
He looks around the room. Eyes are turned toward the floor, faces are buried in hands, and no one dares to make a sound.
There’s a new, faint smell in the air.
About a handful of people lay oddly crumbled on the floor, and for the sake of any sanity he may have left, Changmin decides to pretend that they are still alive.
He turns toward a window and notices that the sky is much darker than before. How long have I been out?
And then the memories hit him like a sledgehammer to the face, and he forgets to breathe and he does vomit, and the smell stings his nose and he can’t stop shaking… Oh god, Yunho!
“Good, you’re awake,” a man says in a lazy monotone, not far from him. He’s slouching against a wall. Bored. “Just in time, I think.”
“Where’s Yunho?” Changmin blurts.
“Who? Ohh, right, that’s our little whore’s name.” He snickers. “Shame… He wasn’t very fresh by the time I got my turn.” A shrug of the shoulders. “Oh well, what can you do.”
Changmin blinks. Maybe I should scream. No. I should kill him. Hyung I want to save you I want to die I want to get out of here I want to wake up this can’t be real fuck-
Then he sees something out of the corner of his eye, and he turns and there’s Yunho, lifeless, a man dragging him across the floor by the wrists…
He is deposited like trash at Changmin’s feet, and just then the silence is broken by sirens and loud voices and elated gasps and angry screams, but it all blurs into a faint buzz in Changmin’s ears, because all that registers, all that matters, is Yunho’s broken body in front of him.
His clothes are torn, most of the visible skin is discolored by bruises that are just beginning to blacken, and his jeans…
His jeans are covered in blood, ugly reddish brown blotches soaking through the denim and onto the floor.
“Yu- Yun…” Something lodges itself in his throat and he can’t even finish his name. He wants to lift him in his arms and hold him, and promise to never let go, but he doesn’t know which part of that broken body can still be touched.
So he leans down and presses his nose against Yunho’s cheek, listening to his shallow breathing, smelling the ugly stench of other people on his skin…
“Nngh…”
“Shhh,” Changmin whispers against his ear. He vaguely notices people knocked to the floor and handcuffed and more people running into the building with stretchers and equipment and there is noise and commotion and so many things are happening all at once… And somehow the world seems distant, unreal. “It’s over now.”
---------
Changmin watches from the doorway of the hospital room.
Yunho is lying still on the bed, and there are tubes and bandages and everything smells like medicine…
Jaejoong is sitting at his side, leaning over him, holding his hand, and from time to time Yunho opens his eyes to look at him.
Sobs echo in the hallway. Yoochun is crying again, and Changmin leaves the doorway and finds him bent almost double on a bench against the wall. He kneels to the floor in front of him and wraps his arms around his trembling body.
At some point Junsu comes and squeezes himself somewhere in between the two and slurs something about why did this happen and what do we do and he whimpers and it makes Yoochun cry harder, and Changmin silently wonders if any of them can ever fully come back from this.
---------
With time Yunho’s body heals, and all the members resume their hectic schedules of dance practice, recording sessions, concerts, interviews…
No one mentions that day in front of Yunho.
Everyone tries hard to act normal, because sometimes when the members are sad in front of him his eyes turn vacant and it frightens them.
As time crawls by Yunho begins to prefer solitude to anyone’s company and spends hours, sometimes days, locked in his studio or in his room.
Sometimes Changmin catches him standing, just standing, in the middle of a room, eyes unseeing, expression unreadable…
A day comes when Yunho stops holding Jaejoong’s hand, stops leaning into Yoochun’s warm embrace, stops wrapping his arm around Junsu’s shoulders, and stops coming within even a few feet of Changmin.
Crawling into Jaejoong’s bed and sobbing himself to sleep becomes a habit for Changmin now. It’s all he can do. It gives him just enough strength to get up in the morning and face Yunho’s cold, distant eyes.
One night Changmin comes home from practice and finds Yunho standing in the kitchen, a knife in his hand, watching with interest as blood drips from his wrist onto the tile floor.
“Hyung,” he breathes.
The leader’s mouth twitches. “I’m bleeding.”
Changmin closes the distance between them and stands as close to his side as he dares, careful not to touch him. “Put the knife down.”
“Yes. It’s like flowers, isn’t it?” Yunho turns his gaze on him and Changmin doesn’t recognize him anymore and he wants to shake him and tell him to come back because he needs him but he can’t so he prays and prays for Jaejoong to come home quickly so he can run to him and cry again…
A total of six months pass, and then Yunho breaks.
It takes him three tries to sit up; his skull is screaming in pain.
He opens his eyes and it takes a full minute for his vision to stop spinning. He swallows against nausea that threatens to bubble up his throat.
He looks around the room. Eyes are turned toward the floor, faces are buried in hands, and no one dares to make a sound.
There’s a new, faint smell in the air.
About a handful of people lay oddly crumbled on the floor, and for the sake of any sanity he may have left, Changmin decides to pretend that they are still alive.
He turns toward a window and notices that the sky is much darker than before. How long have I been out?
And then the memories hit him like a sledgehammer to the face, and he forgets to breathe and he does vomit, and the smell stings his nose and he can’t stop shaking… Oh god, Yunho!
“Good, you’re awake,” a man says in a lazy monotone, not far from him. He’s slouching against a wall. Bored. “Just in time, I think.”
“Where’s Yunho?” Changmin blurts.
“Who? Ohh, right, that’s our little whore’s name.” He snickers. “Shame… He wasn’t very fresh by the time I got my turn.” A shrug of the shoulders. “Oh well, what can you do.”
Changmin blinks. Maybe I should scream. No. I should kill him. Hyung I want to save you I want to die I want to get out of here I want to wake up this can’t be real fuck-
Then he sees something out of the corner of his eye, and he turns and there’s Yunho, lifeless, a man dragging him across the floor by the wrists…
He is deposited like trash at Changmin’s feet, and just then the silence is broken by sirens and loud voices and elated gasps and angry screams, but it all blurs into a faint buzz in Changmin’s ears, because all that registers, all that matters, is Yunho’s broken body in front of him.
His clothes are torn, most of the visible skin is discolored by bruises that are just beginning to blacken, and his jeans…
His jeans are covered in blood, ugly reddish brown blotches soaking through the denim and onto the floor.
“Yu- Yun…” Something lodges itself in his throat and he can’t even finish his name. He wants to lift him in his arms and hold him, and promise to never let go, but he doesn’t know which part of that broken body can still be touched.
So he leans down and presses his nose against Yunho’s cheek, listening to his shallow breathing, smelling the ugly stench of other people on his skin…
“Nngh…”
“Shhh,” Changmin whispers against his ear. He vaguely notices people knocked to the floor and handcuffed and more people running into the building with stretchers and equipment and there is noise and commotion and so many things are happening all at once… And somehow the world seems distant, unreal. “It’s over now.”
---------
Changmin watches from the doorway of the hospital room.
Yunho is lying still on the bed, and there are tubes and bandages and everything smells like medicine…
Jaejoong is sitting at his side, leaning over him, holding his hand, and from time to time Yunho opens his eyes to look at him.
Sobs echo in the hallway. Yoochun is crying again, and Changmin leaves the doorway and finds him bent almost double on a bench against the wall. He kneels to the floor in front of him and wraps his arms around his trembling body.
At some point Junsu comes and squeezes himself somewhere in between the two and slurs something about why did this happen and what do we do and he whimpers and it makes Yoochun cry harder, and Changmin silently wonders if any of them can ever fully come back from this.
---------
With time Yunho’s body heals, and all the members resume their hectic schedules of dance practice, recording sessions, concerts, interviews…
No one mentions that day in front of Yunho.
Everyone tries hard to act normal, because sometimes when the members are sad in front of him his eyes turn vacant and it frightens them.
As time crawls by Yunho begins to prefer solitude to anyone’s company and spends hours, sometimes days, locked in his studio or in his room.
Sometimes Changmin catches him standing, just standing, in the middle of a room, eyes unseeing, expression unreadable…
A day comes when Yunho stops holding Jaejoong’s hand, stops leaning into Yoochun’s warm embrace, stops wrapping his arm around Junsu’s shoulders, and stops coming within even a few feet of Changmin.
Crawling into Jaejoong’s bed and sobbing himself to sleep becomes a habit for Changmin now. It’s all he can do. It gives him just enough strength to get up in the morning and face Yunho’s cold, distant eyes.
One night Changmin comes home from practice and finds Yunho standing in the kitchen, a knife in his hand, watching with interest as blood drips from his wrist onto the tile floor.
“Hyung,” he breathes.
The leader’s mouth twitches. “I’m bleeding.”
Changmin closes the distance between them and stands as close to his side as he dares, careful not to touch him. “Put the knife down.”
“Yes. It’s like flowers, isn’t it?” Yunho turns his gaze on him and Changmin doesn’t recognize him anymore and he wants to shake him and tell him to come back because he needs him but he can’t so he prays and prays for Jaejoong to come home quickly so he can run to him and cry again…
A total of six months pass, and then Yunho breaks.