(no subject)
You see yourself become a person you don't quite want to be, but you allow it. More like, I allow it. The confusion between feeling things and simulated feelings. Doing things for the sake of their amusement, doing things for the sake of how meaningless life is.
If you're doing something worth it, intense and hard, maybe you are supposed to sacrifice things, including happiness and comfort. Lately I have been sad without doing much, without producing anything that justifies the suffering. So, I guess, all this suffering is just suffering for no good reason. I have to get my shit together - go back to hard thinking. Replace the bad thoughts by complicated enough thoughts that do not allow parallel thoughts, kinda thing.
Get intensely into things. I have feeling dead. One of Erdos famous quotes / vocabulary is saying that people die when they stop doing mathematics. I've been dead for a while, indeed.
If you're doing something worth it, intense and hard, maybe you are supposed to sacrifice things, including happiness and comfort. Lately I have been sad without doing much, without producing anything that justifies the suffering. So, I guess, all this suffering is just suffering for no good reason. I have to get my shit together - go back to hard thinking. Replace the bad thoughts by complicated enough thoughts that do not allow parallel thoughts, kinda thing.
Get intensely into things. I have feeling dead. One of Erdos famous quotes / vocabulary is saying that people die when they stop doing mathematics. I've been dead for a while, indeed.