The Church of Silly Hats
While discussing religion with my Buddhist friend, the question of how someone is elected pope came up. Although I'm not Catholic by any means, my mom was forced to go to Catholic school, so I have a rough idea of stuff like this. I explained how a bunch of cardinals are locked in a room, write their choice down on a piece of paper, and when they finally pick a guy they throw the ballots into the fireplace with a chemical that makes the smoke very sooty so people outside know there is a new pope. (Metalocalypse fans, remember the scene from Dethrecord where the smoke from Mordhaus turned black when the album was completed? Yeah.) Crazy, but slightly less so than how the Dali Lama is chosen.
Friend: "But how do you even get on the list to be pope?"
Me: "Well, first you have to be a cardinal, or some other high ranking grand mugwump."
Friend: "Well, then how do you become a cardinel?"
Me: "...I have no idea. Maybe it's like the military? You start out as a grunt and work your way up, only instead of moving to Washington, D.C. you move to the Vatican."
By then I'm curious too, so I decide to look up the hierarchy of the Catholic church, and HOLY SHIT what a convoluted cluster fuck of relation maps did I find. So, after a few half hearted minutes of research, I have come to this conclusion:
The fancier and bigger the hat, the closer you are to god. By a few inches, at least.
For example, while lowly priests, vicars, and deacons don't get hats, cardinals and bishops get a wide variety of silly hats:
<---Like this.
They can also be worn sideways. Who knew they were so trendy?
Not sure what this one is supposed to be.
And my personal favorite, this thing, which grants +3 to any religion or arcana check.
Let's not forget the pope, whose hat must be tallest.
And contain the most bling.
Friend: "But how do you even get on the list to be pope?"
Me: "Well, first you have to be a cardinal, or some other high ranking grand mugwump."
Friend: "Well, then how do you become a cardinel?"
Me: "...I have no idea. Maybe it's like the military? You start out as a grunt and work your way up, only instead of moving to Washington, D.C. you move to the Vatican."
By then I'm curious too, so I decide to look up the hierarchy of the Catholic church, and HOLY SHIT what a convoluted cluster fuck of relation maps did I find. So, after a few half hearted minutes of research, I have come to this conclusion:
The fancier and bigger the hat, the closer you are to god. By a few inches, at least.
For example, while lowly priests, vicars, and deacons don't get hats, cardinals and bishops get a wide variety of silly hats:
<---Like this.
They can also be worn sideways. Who knew they were so trendy?
Not sure what this one is supposed to be.
And my personal favorite, this thing, which grants +3 to any religion or arcana check.
Let's not forget the pope, whose hat must be tallest.
And contain the most bling.