Physical uncertainties
Ohai LJ I seem to mostly only post to if I have art or bawws
Deep breath. I had an abnormal pap smear and it might mean I have cancer. It might also be nothing. I basically can't do anything but wait. "Abnormal cells of undetermined significance," while still better than a for-sure cancer or pre-cancer result, is disconcerting at best. Doc was really reassuring and informative and it was obvious she hates bringing patients bad news or scaring them. But not gonna lie, scared is pretty much what I am. I get to wonder for 6 mos. If I continue to get abnormal results the next step will be a biopsy. :/ I hope it doesn't get that far. So many what ifs.
How would I afford it, would I die of it, would it make me unable to have kids, would rapier4 stay with me, would I be able to keep working thru treatment....
But I'm getting waaay ahead of myself. It could be nothing at all, could be me worrying needlessly.
Beyond that my triglyceride levels are apparently astronomical so I have to cut back on drinking, or else get on medicine forever. Retesting in 6 mos to see if I can control it myself or if I'll need to medicate no matter what. Kinda minor in the grand scheme of things and at least something that can be controlled one way or another.
Sucks not being healthy. Makes me feel old, vulnerable, finite, when in my younger days I felt invincible. I guess that's life. And I suppose the takeaway lesson is that you only get one body, one vessel for your very soul...take care of it and treasure it while it lasts.
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