And So The First Day Of Hell Starts
What do you do when you're dating someone with a medical history like my Tenshi? You try and forget his pain and work through each fit he has, you try and stay strong for him and hold his hand through the pain. But what do you do when you're Tenshi tells you hes only got a 40% survival chance if he doesn't have an operation that might kill him?
I always knew loving my Tenshi would not be an easy thing, well ... loving him was so easy and still is, I don't know how I got so lucky as to find someone as special as him. Its hard to not want to hunt down and slay the ignorant small minded assholes that attacked him and put him in this mess in the first place, but right now all I can think about is my tenshi and how I need him to pull through this all.
I've been in hospital before undergoing life or death surgery, but its true what they say, when its you -you just care about others, and when its others - you couldn't care about yourself. Thats how I am right now, Tenshi wants me to stay strong and right up until the point of him going off to the hospital he was more worried about me then himself. He promised me he'd smile and he promised me he'd get better as soon as he can ... But to be honest with you, I've no stopped crying since he told me the news.
An operation to remover metal embedded in his brain, embedded there because he was attacked for being gay, he was attacked to the point that he's now mute and cant be alone without running the risk of fitting ... hes now at the point where hes having to have surgery to remover that metal or he might die before the age of 25 and hes only just turned 21. The operation itself could kill him, he could die on the operating table and I'd never know until his brother informs me. And even if it does work ... he may forget everything.
I don't know whats the hardest thing about this, other then the fact that it must be done to improve his chance of a normal life ... he may forget our love ever existed. Its ironic really ... we'd roleplay two characters we both loved greatly , Miharu and Yoite from Nabari no ou. He was always Miharu because I adore that little guy so, and I was always his Yoite because I can pull off his character so well. The irony is that what Tenshi has wrong with him is slowly killing him ... much like Yoite ... Also if he makes it and forgets everything it will be like Miharus power and he'd have used it to save his life.
I'm not going to give up, as much as I keep breaking down into tears and falling into that depression I'm going to try my hardest. I told Tenshi Id die for him ... but until I know for sure how he is .. I'll live for us both <3 I promised him I'd write him an email about who he is and who I am and how we fell in love, what used to make him laugh and cry and the same for me, for the chance that he does make it through and cant remember anything.
People say that its better to have loved and lost then to have not loved at all , where as I'm saying, its better to have loved and lost .. and then been giving the chance to fall in love with the same person all over again <3