(no subject)
Today my one true friend Julia and I became fully aware of how disgusting and horrible life is. Through the tears that pour out of my frightened eyes the world seem's to form an ocean. An ocean of pain and misery. I try and swim through the flooded river of my sorrow, treading the water as fast at possible, but alas, my breaking heart weighs me down and I am losing the ability to sustain the will to swim. I paint my heart ache with the crimson blood that flows from me like the bitter hatred does from everyone and make a memorial of how cruel and cold this world really is when you get rid of the sugar coating, oh it taste's sweet...but how sour is the taste of formiddible pugnacity.
No one could ever understand the torment I am experiencing, my head contains a ravenous hurricaine that rips me up and tears me limb from limb apart until all that remains are remnants of the poor Sasha, the one who felt pain stinging her from every pale hued pore, who saw the truth: pain is life.
And as I bleed to death, misery suffocating me with the fumes of hell, all I wish is for the arms of someone who loves me, someone who notices my existance...some one to hold me in their arms and follow me to a death that no one will notice, because no one ever knew i was alive. No one ever cast an eye upon me, this life that was wasting away under the pressure of so much dismal knowledge. Oh knowledge is such a burden, what I would pay for sweet ignorance...but alas, I was put on this earth to suffer the wrath of every negative emotion and feeling in creation...why is life so hard for me?
And all I can do is rest, close my eyes and succumb to that world of horror and fear, just hoping that the blanket of sleep will carress my tired body, that exhausted frame of a girl who has suffered too much. Being strangled by this misery, having no will to live...when will it be over? WHEN WILL THE PAIN CEASE?!?!
Alas, these are just the woe's of Sasha, victim of life's cruelty.
When I woke up today I realized that there was another tear in my black sweatshirt. Of course I can't get a new one since I'm only allowed one shirt, one skirt, one pair of underwear (i've had them now since sixth grade), one pair of shoes, one sweatshirt and one bra. My Mom said that it's because I'm too ugly to look nice, and that they'll use the money for taking my brother on a vacation to Hawaii. I get to go to the kennel, it should be better then last time though because I saved up change I found in the washing machine (when they let me out for my ten minute walk outside of my closet) and bought advantage. I'm flea-less now, and since my parents cut off all my hair to try and make me look 'more like the beast you are' I have no more lice. So I guess that's the up part of my life.
Julia told me that she heard Chris (my crush) talking about how if I wasn't ugly, hated by everyone, a poor excuse for human life, unworthy of talking to, unable to be loved and over all pathetic that he might even say 'hi' to me. I mean, how am I supposed to change all of the above? Everyone know's that I should just kill myself, and Julia reassure's me that that is the best idea. That's it, next time I have a ten minute break outside the closet I'll gather up all the draino and windex and end this poor excuse of a life.
I don't know if I shall ever write in this journal again, who know's if I'll survive another day...
Dreaming of Death,
Sasha Randall...
No one could ever understand the torment I am experiencing, my head contains a ravenous hurricaine that rips me up and tears me limb from limb apart until all that remains are remnants of the poor Sasha, the one who felt pain stinging her from every pale hued pore, who saw the truth: pain is life.
And as I bleed to death, misery suffocating me with the fumes of hell, all I wish is for the arms of someone who loves me, someone who notices my existance...some one to hold me in their arms and follow me to a death that no one will notice, because no one ever knew i was alive. No one ever cast an eye upon me, this life that was wasting away under the pressure of so much dismal knowledge. Oh knowledge is such a burden, what I would pay for sweet ignorance...but alas, I was put on this earth to suffer the wrath of every negative emotion and feeling in creation...why is life so hard for me?
And all I can do is rest, close my eyes and succumb to that world of horror and fear, just hoping that the blanket of sleep will carress my tired body, that exhausted frame of a girl who has suffered too much. Being strangled by this misery, having no will to live...when will it be over? WHEN WILL THE PAIN CEASE?!?!
Alas, these are just the woe's of Sasha, victim of life's cruelty.
When I woke up today I realized that there was another tear in my black sweatshirt. Of course I can't get a new one since I'm only allowed one shirt, one skirt, one pair of underwear (i've had them now since sixth grade), one pair of shoes, one sweatshirt and one bra. My Mom said that it's because I'm too ugly to look nice, and that they'll use the money for taking my brother on a vacation to Hawaii. I get to go to the kennel, it should be better then last time though because I saved up change I found in the washing machine (when they let me out for my ten minute walk outside of my closet) and bought advantage. I'm flea-less now, and since my parents cut off all my hair to try and make me look 'more like the beast you are' I have no more lice. So I guess that's the up part of my life.
Julia told me that she heard Chris (my crush) talking about how if I wasn't ugly, hated by everyone, a poor excuse for human life, unworthy of talking to, unable to be loved and over all pathetic that he might even say 'hi' to me. I mean, how am I supposed to change all of the above? Everyone know's that I should just kill myself, and Julia reassure's me that that is the best idea. That's it, next time I have a ten minute break outside the closet I'll gather up all the draino and windex and end this poor excuse of a life.
I don't know if I shall ever write in this journal again, who know's if I'll survive another day...
Dreaming of Death,
Sasha Randall...