(no subject)
can someone just tell me what i'm supposed to do with my life? where i'm supposed to go? what career path to follow? perhaps it's the curse of being a senior, but maybe it's more than that. i look in secret on websites to find ways to become what i want to be in the back of my mind, but am too scared to pursue it. it would feel like throwing away four years of college and turning my back on the students and faculty members who believe in me. but is it more important to make myself happy or to make others happy. i've spent my whole life making other people happy, but it's so hard to imagine pursuing something so frivolous seeming compared to the stability of teaching. i know that i'll be happy teaching. i love working with kids and i love music, but i can't help but feel that a job like that will be constricting to my inner being. i've always been a bit of a free spirit in that i like what i want to like and don't care at all what other people think, so why is this career decision so hard? it's not about money, because money won't assuredly be pouring in no matter what i choose. is it about stability? maybe. teaching is safe and satisfying. i'll always teach, even if it's having a little private violin studio of my own. i know this because i've caught the teaching bug and i love it. so why does something seem wrong with it all? why does the idea of going into a classroom every day for the next forty years of my life seem a bit off in a way? i guess i have the next ten months to think about it, but i hope it doesn't take that long. thought processes like this can keep a person up at night...