i shouldnt have come home tonight
i walk in the door, only to be chewed out by my father 5 minutes later for not being able to pay for my fucking car. Like I didn't fucking feel bad enough about it as it is. Like I didn't argue with my mother about it, telling her not to pay for it. Like I didn't fucking freak out when I told her, like I wasn't crying about it, and feeling irresponsinble enough having to ask my parents for money. No, he has to fucking not only make me feel like shit, but make me feel like I am fucking 5 years old too. Goddess, I am fucking 19 years old, I am working and a full time student who is not only paying for her car, gas, food, and creditcard but for my fucking medical bills too(which by the way is over $100 a week). I have done everything I possibly could to fix my life, to get back on the right track, to just fucking get to a point where I am even remotely happy, and it is thrown back into my face the second I screw up a little. What the fuck am I suposed to do? Not drive to fucking school? Not drive to fucking work? Or how about an extra hour every week for fucking doctors appts? Gas fucking went up, I am not the only one feeling it. FUCK THIS. I give up. I really do, nothing is fucking good enough for him, in his eyes I am a fucking failure not matter what I do. I might as well go off and become a fucking crackhead whore and live on the fucking streets with my fucking pimp. This is rediculous. What does he want from me?
I want to scream at him..............fuck the fact that he is my father, he knows how fucking hard I have been working, but that means shit because I can't pay my fucking car bill one fucking month. I'm gunna have to fucking quit school and work full fucking time in order to make him happy, oh wait no, because then I wont be in fucking school and I'll be a fucking bum again.............
And yeah that's ok though because I'm not fucking JC so I'm not fucking suposed to be anything but a fuck up. Because heaven forbid he actualy help me get a fucking good paying job........no
I have been fucking asking for him to get me a fucking job on the golf course since I was fucking old enough to work and what do I get? SHIT! JC suddenly wants to fix up his fucking 1972 sports car with him and he bends over backwards to get him a FUCKING ILLEGAL job there. And as if that isnt a smak in the face enough then he fucking gets JC's girlfriend the job I have been begging for.
I work my ass off, get paid very little and beg for more hours and get nothing and I get my credit card taken away. Because yeah that's what he just said to me. That he is taking that away too. And the fact that I just asked him again to see if the GC is hiring and he said he would figure it out (which of course he hasnt) and that I am trying to find a new job means nothing at all.
God I give up..........i fucking give up. I dont know what to do any more.
I was going to write this other entry about sex tonight, but not now, I'll save that problem for later.
I am going to hide in my room now
I want to scream at him..............fuck the fact that he is my father, he knows how fucking hard I have been working, but that means shit because I can't pay my fucking car bill one fucking month. I'm gunna have to fucking quit school and work full fucking time in order to make him happy, oh wait no, because then I wont be in fucking school and I'll be a fucking bum again.............
And yeah that's ok though because I'm not fucking JC so I'm not fucking suposed to be anything but a fuck up. Because heaven forbid he actualy help me get a fucking good paying job........no
I have been fucking asking for him to get me a fucking job on the golf course since I was fucking old enough to work and what do I get? SHIT! JC suddenly wants to fix up his fucking 1972 sports car with him and he bends over backwards to get him a FUCKING ILLEGAL job there. And as if that isnt a smak in the face enough then he fucking gets JC's girlfriend the job I have been begging for.
I work my ass off, get paid very little and beg for more hours and get nothing and I get my credit card taken away. Because yeah that's what he just said to me. That he is taking that away too. And the fact that I just asked him again to see if the GC is hiring and he said he would figure it out (which of course he hasnt) and that I am trying to find a new job means nothing at all.
God I give up..........i fucking give up. I dont know what to do any more.
I was going to write this other entry about sex tonight, but not now, I'll save that problem for later.
I am going to hide in my room now