(no subject)
Why do I make things bigger than they really are? Why can't I let things be? I worry about missing out on my life. I worry that I will always be so timid in some areas, and I will wake up in 20 years and wonder why I didn't do something, or did do something because it was the "easier" option. Why I didn't take a chance...
I worry that I won't ever let myself love someone so completely again. I guess mostly I worry that I can't know someone as deeply as I want to. Or that I will hide something from them. Or I worry that I will meet someone and fall with complete unreservedness and abandon, and that it won't be reciprocated.
Will I know? Will I be swept off my feet? Or will it come gradually, a slow and tender understanding? I wish I had more patience.
I have been told lately that I should just have fun, date around, enjoy my 20's. But I don't want a placeholder, a decimal, as my friend Christine calls convenience relationships.
She and I had a conversation about how one really needs 3 different minds to function: One mind to think about the Now, one to think about the Future, and one to tie them together and bring context.
I tend to force my own expectations on events in my life, or onto people in my life. I do these mental cost/benefit analyses in my mind, instead of just letting things happen. Not to say that planning isn't good.
I worry that I won't ever let myself love someone so completely again. I guess mostly I worry that I can't know someone as deeply as I want to. Or that I will hide something from them. Or I worry that I will meet someone and fall with complete unreservedness and abandon, and that it won't be reciprocated.
Will I know? Will I be swept off my feet? Or will it come gradually, a slow and tender understanding? I wish I had more patience.
I have been told lately that I should just have fun, date around, enjoy my 20's. But I don't want a placeholder, a decimal, as my friend Christine calls convenience relationships.
She and I had a conversation about how one really needs 3 different minds to function: One mind to think about the Now, one to think about the Future, and one to tie them together and bring context.
I tend to force my own expectations on events in my life, or onto people in my life. I do these mental cost/benefit analyses in my mind, instead of just letting things happen. Not to say that planning isn't good.