(no subject)
to many peoples dismay and dissapointment, i have stopped taking my medication. though i know this may not be the most advisable thing to do...i feel as though i can handle myself. (mostly i just want to be able to drink during prom, not to facilitate the raping of a certain someone or anything)
but honestly, im tired of knowing that im dependent on a little tiny white pill...i must say im starting to feel the effects of it and all. and in a couple of weeks my mother is going to notice the lack of pills being taken, but this is my choice, its my body, its my mind, its my dependency.
beyond that, i really do feel i have lost touch with the people around me, kim said its because i dont come to school very often, but i find that i have nothing to go to school for, im gone for weeks and i find that i havent missed anything at all.
i find that in the last 4 years, i have gone around in a big circle. im back at the beggining with few good friends. and losing touch with my reality. but strangely im doing quite fine. im not happy, but for once im content. and thats as good as it gets with me.
for the first time in years i'm in like, but its odd...i cant be blunt and slutty like i have been in the past, i want more. i want friendship and loyalty and love, i'll settle for the first... but yeah...i want "someone" to look at me and say, "hey, i really like you." and just want to be with me. im tired of having sex, im tired of having someone come and try to grab my boobs and touch my legs thinking i belong to him, thinking something will come out of it. im tired of being a nympho like i have been called by someone who thinks of me as "the horniest girl i've ever met" i dont want to be known as that. i want to be something better, but people dont think of my as something better...
i am different!
but honestly, im tired of knowing that im dependent on a little tiny white pill...i must say im starting to feel the effects of it and all. and in a couple of weeks my mother is going to notice the lack of pills being taken, but this is my choice, its my body, its my mind, its my dependency.
beyond that, i really do feel i have lost touch with the people around me, kim said its because i dont come to school very often, but i find that i have nothing to go to school for, im gone for weeks and i find that i havent missed anything at all.
i find that in the last 4 years, i have gone around in a big circle. im back at the beggining with few good friends. and losing touch with my reality. but strangely im doing quite fine. im not happy, but for once im content. and thats as good as it gets with me.
for the first time in years i'm in like, but its odd...i cant be blunt and slutty like i have been in the past, i want more. i want friendship and loyalty and love, i'll settle for the first... but yeah...i want "someone" to look at me and say, "hey, i really like you." and just want to be with me. im tired of having sex, im tired of having someone come and try to grab my boobs and touch my legs thinking i belong to him, thinking something will come out of it. im tired of being a nympho like i have been called by someone who thinks of me as "the horniest girl i've ever met" i dont want to be known as that. i want to be something better, but people dont think of my as something better...
i am different!