Kind of Sorry I posted that-
About that last post:
Look, I don't want to talk about it. Talking about it turns it into gossiping about it and that makes me the bad guy. So, without gossiping, here is what I meant by the last post:
The breakup got ugly. Not placing blame, but it got ugly like it was probably going to from the beginning. We had a fight. We aren't speaking. That's it, nothing else. Not saying it's bad on his part, but I'm not saying it's bad on my part. It happened, it's over, oh well. If you are still friends with him That's okay by me. I don't care. I just want you to also be my friend. I've lost enough friends in the last few months, I don't care to lose anymore.
I will admit to pushing him away during the fight. I wanted to be left alone. Being friends with him hurt and I just didn't want to deal with that. So I was mean. This whole time I've been so concerned with how my image was- what the "they" think because I didn't want them to believe the crazy ex rumors going around. I'm not crazy. I'm not psychopathic. I'm really really really fucking hurt, and I've been pretending not to be for the sake of public face. I didn't want "them" to have the satisfaction of seeing me cry, seeing me hurt. But I am. I still miss him and think about him alot. He was my friend and boyfriend for the last three years. Oh well, I know that I can't deal with the shit here and move forward and I need to move forward. I'm going on a bright shiny adventure. Honestly, I am looking forward to being in Philly and making the movie. This whole month I've just wanted to call up someone- Jaque, Marcie, anyone!- and have them be a friend, you know? But it's not how I deal with being hurt, I guess. I try not to show it. I try to hold it in, pretend I'm just fine. But this hurts. REALLY badly. Also, I was scared that (while I'm there for anyone who needs to cry) that they wouldn't be there for me. Oh well.
I'm sorry for how it was done, but I'm not sorry for doing it.
That's it.
Love and Hearts and Best wishes for the holidays,
Gem
Look, I don't want to talk about it. Talking about it turns it into gossiping about it and that makes me the bad guy. So, without gossiping, here is what I meant by the last post:
The breakup got ugly. Not placing blame, but it got ugly like it was probably going to from the beginning. We had a fight. We aren't speaking. That's it, nothing else. Not saying it's bad on his part, but I'm not saying it's bad on my part. It happened, it's over, oh well. If you are still friends with him That's okay by me. I don't care. I just want you to also be my friend. I've lost enough friends in the last few months, I don't care to lose anymore.
I will admit to pushing him away during the fight. I wanted to be left alone. Being friends with him hurt and I just didn't want to deal with that. So I was mean. This whole time I've been so concerned with how my image was- what the "they" think because I didn't want them to believe the crazy ex rumors going around. I'm not crazy. I'm not psychopathic. I'm really really really fucking hurt, and I've been pretending not to be for the sake of public face. I didn't want "them" to have the satisfaction of seeing me cry, seeing me hurt. But I am. I still miss him and think about him alot. He was my friend and boyfriend for the last three years. Oh well, I know that I can't deal with the shit here and move forward and I need to move forward. I'm going on a bright shiny adventure. Honestly, I am looking forward to being in Philly and making the movie. This whole month I've just wanted to call up someone- Jaque, Marcie, anyone!- and have them be a friend, you know? But it's not how I deal with being hurt, I guess. I try not to show it. I try to hold it in, pretend I'm just fine. But this hurts. REALLY badly. Also, I was scared that (while I'm there for anyone who needs to cry) that they wouldn't be there for me. Oh well.
I'm sorry for how it was done, but I'm not sorry for doing it.
That's it.
Love and Hearts and Best wishes for the holidays,
Gem